


Something I need

by niamcuddles



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-02-09 14:05:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 87,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1985760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niamcuddles/pseuds/niamcuddles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>16 years is a very long time, but Niall still remembers all the things he and Liam have gone through together.</p><p>(This story is written in time jumps, it's the same concept as my other story 'Wait for me'.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 16 years ago

_The sun warmed Niall's bare back in the morning, the curtains no one had bothered to shut last night didn't exactly help to keep him asleep, seeing as he was easily woken anyway, always had been._

_Grunting, he buried his face deeper into the pillow, on the edge of drifting off again and pressing his eyes shut tightly, the movement next to Niall suddenly had him shooting up straight in less than a second. For a moment or two, he had absolutely no idea what had caused him to nearly fall out of bed._

_But then his brain slowly decided to work again, as he stared down at the man next to him buried underneath their sheets. A smile spread across Niall's face as he watched an unknowing Liam, leaning over him to press a kiss to his closed eyelid softly, tracing the features of Liam's face with his lips._

_There was one thing Niall really envied Liam for, his ability to sleep through anything happening around him, he didn't do as much as flinch even as Niall kissed his slightly parted lips, murmuring against them despite the fact that his boyfriend clearly would stay unconscious for a while. "I love you."_

_Brushing some hair out of the other man's face and making sure he wouldn't get cold, Niall still hadn't managed to wipe that grin off of his face as he wandered off into the kitchen._

_He wasn't in any rush today, actually, he felt as if he never wanted this day to pass, this moment right here, knowing Liam was still asleep, that he would come look for Niall in a while all sleepily, rub his eyes while standing in the doorframe before realizing Niall had made breakfast. And then he'd hug him tightly from behind, kiss him, lots, and giggle in between, because that's what always happened, and Niall would never get enough of this, he loved this, their life, every second of it._

_He'd never get tired of this, he thought as he opened up the fridge, barely turning his head when he heard his phone vibrate on the counter, instead he just smiled while going back on his search for milk._

_You'd think that Niall and Liam should be the ones all nervous and jumpy on a day like this, but Niall was about 100% sure that during the next few hours their phones wouldn't shut up anymore. Not that he minded, actually, he was still smiling to himself, absently studying the calendar on the wall as he tried not to spill any ingredients._

_It was September 4th, not a special date in particular, it's just that when Niall thought about it more clearly, then of course it somehow was a special date, he'd have to remember to tell Liam later when he woke up._

_That today 16 years ago had been the first time they had met…_

 

 

——— 16 years ago ———

 

"Hi, I'm Niall." That's basically everything he had been doing all day long, because his mum had said it was polite (and Niall ALWAYS was polite), he'd run around in class, sticking his hand out to every kid, introducing himself. Because that's what you do to make friends, right?

He'd also tried his luck with some jokes that he had caught up during a conversation his father had had with his friends, but he had yet to make someone actually laugh at them. Or at least stop getting weird looks for it, that'd be an accomplishment as well. Maybe he shouldn't have used the words 'financial crisis' and 'globalization'.

A few kids had asked Niall to go play with them at lunch break, for which he was very grateful, because even though usually everyone liked him, Niall had been a bit scared about moving away from his old friends. But now he was pretty certain he'd make TONS here, for sure.

After telling a girl that he liked her shirt (compliments are nice too, right?), Niall looked around, seeing everyone running around and talking and screaming, he scanned the classroom for a bit, trying to figure out if he had missed out on anybody. Now that would be stupid, if that person got really hurt because of Niall not paying attention?!

Just when he decided that it was alright, that everyone in here now knew who he was and that he had hopefully remembered all of their names, he spotted some boy sitting by the window at his desk, all alone, reading some book Niall swore he had seen before.

As he made his way over, he tried to think of a new joke, one that would actually make someone laugh, because this was his last chance to proof that he was really funny, there was just this boy left. "Hi, I'm Niall."

Plopping into the empty chair in front of the boy, Niall smiled widely as he reached across the table, waiting for the boy to notice him. And for the first time today, he didn't even get one look back.

"Um… " That brought Niall out of concept, a little bit only though, maybe the boy was shy, though he looked a bit annoyed if anything, but Niall couldn't think of a reason why, so he quickly came up with something new. "What are you reading? That book looks really thick, like the ones my parents read. I can only read books with less than a hundred pages because I get really tired and bored and-"

"It's the bible." The boy answered bluntly, shutting Niall up and causing his eyes to widen a little. What?

"But it has like … a million pages." No denying, Niall was suddenly a bit intimated by the boy, who, by the way, still hadn't looked up, but more than that, Niall was immensely impressed. Wow, he'd have to tell Sean that when he wrote him an E-Mail back home.

"Actually, it only has 1456. " Wow, that boy is weird, Niall thought, then he felt guilty for it a second later, trying hard to keep his voice cheerful.

"Oh. Okay. How old are you?" Desperate to come to a topic without confusing numbers, Niall leaned forward a little, hoping to get the boy to look at him and when he nearly fell over the table, he finally did.

"Ten." A sigh escaped him as he looked at Niall in a way that he only knew from his mother, like, when he had talked for an hour straight without catching his breath and she really wanted him to shut up but didn't know how to say it. Was THAT what the boy was thinking of Niall? Did he want him to shut up and leave?

"So, why're you reading the bible then?" Deciding to give it another try, Niall laughed, to break the tension, but now the other boy just started fumbling with the edges of the pages, trying to roll his eyes, as if it was obvious.

"I'm not reading it, I'm looking for something." The thing was, Niall had no clue what was even written in the bible, he felt guilty now, his parents dragged him to church sometimes, but he never payed any attention, something he had thought was alright, because he was only 9, but then what was this boy doing?

"For what?" He finally asked when no answer came, and this time, the boy closed the book, leaning back as he sighed one more time, something that made Niall's heart drop, he hadn't intended to annoy anyone, he just wanted to have some friends.

"Just to see if it's possible for animals to go to heaven too." Within a second, Niall's sadness was gone, he just stared now, studying the other boy's face, trying to figure out what had made him say that. Just as he was about to ask again, the boy spoke again, not looking at Niall anymore. "My cat died yesterday."

"Oh." It hadn't been intended, but Niall fell into silence after that, having always so much to say, now he felt like he wasn't capable of speaking English anymore. He should've said something nice, comforted the boy, but he had never experienced someone die, not even an animal.

So they sat for a few seconds, or even minutes, neither saying a word, the boy staring off into space while Niall's brain was running wild until he finally remembered something, quickly reaching into his pockets.

The chocolate bar he pulled out was a bit squished maybe, not that it bothered Niall since it was only about the taste, plus, he found his idea pretty smart, he somehow even found the strength to smile again. "Do you want half of my candy?"

"What?" It seemed like he had already forgotten Niall's presence, his face was more than confused as he watched him untying the paper, making a hell of a mess consisting of chocolate on his lap. And then his master plan got a few holes. "No, I don't like candy."

"Everyone likes candy." Niall replied automatically, not knowing what to do now, he had already broken the bar in two halves, even willing to give the boy the bigger one.

"I don't." He snapped, making Niall flinch slightly, he wasn't used to being treated like this, not at all, usually, he'd crack a joke or say something nice, but right now, he actually had to resist the urge to duck or get up and leave the boy to his business. Why was he so mad?

"Oh… okay… um… what's your name?" Maybe he shouldn't have carried on with the conversation, but sometimes Niall found it hard to shut his mouth, he just kept watching the boy carefully, feeling the chocolate melt against his fingers but not moving as he waited patiently.

"Liam." And the second Niall opened his mouth to tell Liam how much he liked his name, the boy got up without another word, starting to pack everything into his Batman backpack, pretending that Niall wasn't even there.

"Hey, what are you doing? We still have school!" Apparently, Liam had no recognition of that, he simply ignored Niall as he got all of his stuff together, carrying the bible in his hands now as he walked through their classmates unnoticed, slipping out the door a second later.

Left behind, a very stunned Niall with sticky chocolate all over his hands in a seat that wasn't even his, thrown off his tracks a little.

When the teacher came, Niall still hadn't managed to do more than go back to his own seat, he felt really bad, sick almost, because he knew it was his fault, he should've said something after Liam had told him about his cat.

Still, even though Liam had just left in the middle of the day, Niall didn't even think about ratting him out, he would just act like he hadn't seen or done anything, but then suddenly a girl raised her hand, making a few people giggle after what she said. "Mrs. Stevens, Liam is not here, I think he is ditching school. Will he get thrown out now?"

And to Niall's surprise, most of the kids laughed and agreed with her, didn't they like Liam? Is that why he had been all alone? Niall almost told them to be quiet, but he didn't wanna leave such an impression on his first day so he pressed his lips together, continuing to suck chocolate off his fingers.

"Quiet everyone! Liam is not getting thrown out, he's having a bit of a tough time right now, so be nice when he comes back tomorrow and don't worry about him not being here, I talked to his mum." The teacher's words made Niall even more curious about Liam, but once again, he said or did nothing, very unlike him actually, he just hoped that Liam wasn't mad at him, fights were the last thing he could handle. So when the teacher decided they could play a game, he was very relieved for finally being able to speak up again without upsetting anyone.

 

————

 

"And then I played catch with a few boys from my class and we didn't get any homework because it's the first day of school and this one boy, Liam, he-"

"Niall, honey." His parents had let him go on for what only felt like ten seconds to Niall, it had probably been half an hour though because he had to actually catch his breath as his mother interrupted him, smiling a bit. "I'm glad you had such an exciting day, but your dinner is getting cold, okay? You can finish when we're done, alright?"

"Yeah, okay…" Niall shrugged, wanting to burst out with yet another ten million stories, he threw a look at his dad across the table, who had been reading the newspaper ever since they had sat down, not even acknowledging Niall saying one single word.

For a second, Niall felt sad, not that this wasn't usual to happen, however it still got to him sometimes, but then his mum promised he could help make the cake later if he ate up now and Niall was thrilled again. If there was one thing to cheer Niall up, it were sweets and candy.

His thoughts somehow drifted back to Liam then while they ate in silence, Niall even considered bringing him some cake, to apologize, which was when he remembered Liam's words, so he decided against his idea. Maybe he could do something else to get the other boy to be his friend, everyone else seemed really nice and willing to hang out with Niall even though he had only come here today and they had all known each other for a long time. So maybe there was a reason they seemed to avoid Liam, or maybe it was just nothing, stupid banter, something Niall hated. He was just nice to everyone, that's how you should do it, right?

Back in Ireland, from where he had moved to England from over the summer break, Niall had been to an all boys school, they had all gotten along really well, so it had been a little weird at first to come into a mixed school plus having to start again at zero. But he had been optimistic about it all, well, until Liam had destroyed Niall's dream of it becoming just like before.

"Mum, can I write an E-Mail to Sean?" That was Niall's best friend, well, had been, because the chances of them seeing each other very often now were very limited.

Planning on asking this before, Niall had tried extra hard to help clean the dishes after dinner, eat everything up and do his best to not poor too much sugar into the cake again like last time. On purpose or not didn't matter right now. "Um… you have to ask dad."

For a second, Niall considered doing it, he looked behind him since his mum was busy anyway, through the open door into the living room, seeing his father working on the computer and immediately dropping the idea. "Maybe I'll write a letter."

"But not too many, alright? Stamps cost money too. Besides, I think you should find some friends over here at your school, you know, you probably, um… won't see Sean that often." Or never again, Niall added in his head, his mum was trying to tell him carefully but it's not like he was dumb, he was 9 years old already, 10 actually, in nine days, he could handle this.

"I know. I already made lots of friends today, can I invite them over for my birthday?" Right, that was a brilliant idea, Niall would just invite his whole class so no one would feel left out and then-

"You can invite three people, Ni, like every year." His mother laughed as Niall pouted a little, but then he just nodded, stirring in the dough again, trying hard to figure out how he should decide whom to invite in only 9 days, god. "Now let's get this done, okay, you have to be in bed in an hour."

"But it's only half past-"

"It's a school night, honey, besides, changing the country doesn't mean we change your bed time, we discussed this like twelve times." Which was true, but Niall just huffed, almost pulling his head away when his mum kissed his forehead, but then he didn't, for as long as no one saw her doing it, it was alright.

Besides, she was the only one doing it anyway, if Niall's dad only said goodnight to him then that already felt like it had been a good day.

 

————

 

Niall was rubbing his eyes sleepily for the third time now since he had entered the building, he had tried hard before in the car when his mum had dropped him off, so she wouldn't ask why he was so sleepy, but now there was no reason anymore to hold it back.

Truth was, after he had gone to bed (and tried to fall asleep, really hard), he had still been awake an hour later, again feeling bothered by the thought of what this Liam boy had done and said today. What if he hated Niall?

Not being able to calm down, Niall had then stayed up half the night trying to figure out what he should do, but now that he was minutes away from the classroom, his mind went completely blank again. Maybe yelling at Liam across the whole room to invite him to his birthday wasn't THAT good of an idea.

"Hi, Niall." Thrilled by being greeted, Niall's smile came back big time as he turned around in his seat seconds after sitting down, happiness spreading in his whole body.

"Hi!" For a second though, he panicked as he stared into a cheerful face framed by brown curls, almost dropping the good mood as he couldn't remember the boy's name on instant.

"I'm Harry, in case you forgot." Oh, thank god, Niall let out a breathless laugh, deciding that yeah, he already liked Harry a lot. "So, how's it feel like to be here for the second day?"

"Oh, it feels alright. Everyone is really nice, you know, and I like this school more than my other one." He felt obliged to say stuff like this somehow, but then again, it was true anyway, even if he felt guilty about it, as if it meant forgetting his old life. "But I do miss home a bit."

"Yeah… I would too if I were you." Harry nodded sympathetically, then he suddenly nodded at another boy, the one sitting next to him, who had his arms on the table with his head resting on them, eyes closed, making Niall even more tired by just watching. "You should come play some footie with me and Zayn after school, it'll be fun."

"Oh, I…" Niall blinked, surprised by the sudden invitation, he felt thrilled though, until he remembered that he wasn't allowed to just walk off whenever he pleased. "I… I gotta ask my mum first."

"That's okay. You have a phone?" This surprised Niall even more, he was shaking his head before even thinking about it as Harry started getting out some books of his backpack, smiling again with his dimples showing. "You can borrow Zayn's later."

"Oh. Thanks a lot." Relieved, Niall looked at the other boy again, he couldn't really see his face, so he had no idea whether he was listening, but he decided to ask Harry anyways. "Is he asleep? In school?"

"'m not." Came a muffled voice out of nowhere that had Niall flinch a bit and Harry laughing loudly, shaking his head.

"No, Zayn just has a hard time waking up, you should see what happens when he sleeps over at my place." Actually, Niall would love to see that because he liked sleepovers, maybe, those two could become his friends, good friends even, they were nice and they had distracted him from his problems for a few minutes. Well, at least until Harry's eyes fixed something over Niall's shoulder. "I'm surprised he came today."

"Who?" As soon as Niall turned to check, he felt really dumb for not figuring it out himself, of course Harry was talking about Liam, who had just entered the classroom, walking past some girls who were snickering because of him, but it was like he didn't even notice. "Oh. I'm glad he came though."

"What? Why?" Harry's voice sounded really confused, but Niall took his time to look at him again, he followed Liam with his eyes until the boy sat down, taking his stuff out slowly, not speaking to anyone.

"Um… I think it's my fault he left yesterday. I just wanted to be nice, but I think he took it the wrong way." Should he go over and apologize for being annoying? But what if that annoyed Liam too?

"I'm sure you weren't the reason, Niall, he's just weird. I've known him for a few years now and he never really tried to be friends with anyone somehow, he also always knows the answer to anything the teachers ask and they love him. But the other kids, not so much." That didn't answer any of Niall's questions though he finally looked back at Harry, still feeling really guilty, even more now that he knew that Liam had no friends.

"What about you? Do you like him?" To that, Harry hesitated a second, then he half shrugged, about to answer when Niall almost fell off his chair once more, again because of Zayn speaking up out of nowhere.

"Liam and me went to kindergarden together, we used play when we didn't go to school yet and I don't find him weird at all actually. He just doesn't wanna talk to lots of people, that's all." That answer had Harry rolling his eyes, he elbowed Zayn slightly, not getting the other to even lift his head though.

"Well, as for me, I haven't really talked to him a lot. I don't mind him, I would never play football with his backpack like some of the other guys have done, that's just mean." Niall's eyes nearly popped out at that, no one saw though, Harry was busy writing something into his history book and Zayn, well, he hadn't moved.

"What?! People really do this here? Why?!" This was something that would never occur to Niall, somehow he was getting a little scared now, coming from a school where he basically had been friends with everyone, it seemed strange that someone would take someone else's things just to tease them.

"Don't ask me, I wouldn't do it. Just… you know, I'm not sure if it's a good idea to talk to Liam or hang out with him. Maybe… maybe the others start hating you too then and-"

"God, _Harry_." Finally, Zayn lifted his head, stretching a little after interrupting his friend who had managed goosebumps to rise on Niall's arms. "Don't scare him, it's not like anyone could hate Niall. Maybe not even Liam, who knows, maybe the others wouldn't find him so weird anymore if he had a friend."

Then their conversation was cut off because of the teacher coming in, leaving Niall both with a few chills but also feeling more at ease than before, hopefully Zayn had meant that, that no one could hate Niall. And maybe he was right about Liam as well, Niall did feel guilty already, but now adding up to that he also felt sorry for the other boy, everyone needed friends after all.

 

————

 

Once again, Niall felt like he could talk for hours on end about this day, he had spent the breaks with Harry and Zayn, sometimes other people too but mostly those two, he really liked them, they reminded him of his old friends.

As to Liam, Niall had gone over and apologized to him, only getting a confused look though, then Liam had shrugged his shoulders before going back to reading, a real book this time, leaving Niall feeling a little uneasy again. He felt better though as he walked back to his seat afterwards, knowing better as to annoy Liam again even though a million things popped up in his head he felt like saying, as usual.

After school, Zayn had borrowed Niall his phone to call his mum, she hadn't picked up though, so he had sent her a text message, with Zayn's help though, because he had never done that before.

Usually, Niall had been supposed to go home after school, because either his mum or dad would be there, but he had told them where he was so it was okay, right? They wanted him to make friends, didn't they? So they went to Harry's house instead, his mum was really nice, she even brought them cookies after they were doing playing football and Harry showed him his room, it was amazing, better than Niall could've hoped for his second day in school to turn out.

When he came home in the evening, after being driven by Harry's older sister (who was nice too, everyone was, Niall was so excited over everything), he was in the best mood ever actually as he locked the door up with the key he hardly ever used, feeling a little more grown up as he did so.

The second he stepped inside, Niall's smile froze a little, immediately sensing something wrong, he closed the door carefully, not even having enough time to bend and untie his shoes as he heard his dad. "NIALL, IS THAT YOU?!"

Goosebumps were rising all up Niall's arms as he stumbled back, feeling the door handle press into his back, oh no. "Y-Yes…"

"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?! IT'S SIX PM, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HOME FIVE HOURS AGO! YOU'RE NINE YEARS OLD YOU DON'T GO RUNNING AROUND ALONE!" Oh god, Niall was in real trouble now, as he saw how furious his dad was after passing the corner to face him, he pressed himself tighter into the door, terrified.

"I… I-I texted m-mum and… I thought s-she t-tell y-you a-and-"

"WELL, SHE DIDN'T!" Not being able to think of one smart thing, or anything at all besides how scared he was, Niall just stared with wide eyes, not saying one word as he watched his dad walk up and down, taking a breath before lowering his voice as he spoke again. Which didn't mean that he had calmed down in general. "You're grounded for a week, no TV, no nothing. And you're not gonna invite anyone for your birthday, you're lucky if we celebrate it at all!"

That woke Niall from his silence. "What?! But that's not fair! I told mum where I am, I don't know your phone number by heart, I-"

"Niall James Horan, don't you dare talk back to me, go to your room, no dinner!" Maybe this was even worse, no real yelling, but his dad's voice still sounded so hateful that Niall felt tears welling up in his eyes, he wished his mum was there, maybe she would've yelled too, but she wouldn't have cancelled his birthday! How do you even cancel that?!

"But-"

"Last chance, Niall, one more word and you're not getting any presents, not even from your mother!" So that's when Niall's tears spilled over for real, he didn't even know what it was, anger maybe, or the fact that he knew his dad wasn't just saying this to punish him, he had probably just been waiting for a reason to do this to Niall, considering the way he mostly ignored him every other day.

"That's not fair! You're just doing this because you don't like me! I know you do and guess what, I don't like you either, I hate you!" The last sentence was a lie, a big one, it just slipped out somehow, because Niall wanted to hurt him too, unintentionally, but when he realized what he had said, it was already too late.

There was nothing for a second, Niall thought maybe his dad would just turn around and walk away, but instead he stared at his son, still with rage, coming closer until there were only a few steps between them.

And then he slapped Niall across the face.

It hurt, more than anything, Niall had never been beaten or slapped by anyone before, plus the fact that his dad was so much stronger than him added up to that, he nearly fell over too, forgetting how to even breathe for a few seconds, not even crying anymore.

Well, until it hit him hard. His _dad_ had _slapped_ him. He had slapped Niall, just like that, hard, so hard that it started stinging now and Niall just stared at him, waiting for something, maybe an apology, or just to see a hint of guilt. But there was nothing, not even rage anymore. "To your room."

"No, leave me alone!" Niall sobbed before going with his first instinct, which was turning back around and tearing the door open since he was still wearing shoes, and then he just started running down the street he had barely walked on three times.

There might have been a yell behind him though he wasn't really sure of anything anymore, he was crying way too hard, feeling his cheeks pulse uncomfortably, but he didn't even wanna stop running, not even when his side started stinging as well.

Had this really happened? Did his dad really hate him so much? So much he slapped him, just because he had come home late? Niall had never done anything to upset him, really, he had always done what he had been told, never broken any rules, but he and his dad had never quite gotten along. And now Niall wasn't even sure anymore whether he wanted to go home ever again. Maybe Harry would let him move in.

As Niall slowed down, he rubbed his eyes a little, sniffing a few times, looking around, trying to figure out where he was but he had no idea. He might have even taken a few turns, but he was at the end of some street anyway, at the last house, which had lights on because it was getting dark. The sight triggered Niall's tears once again, all he could think about was that those kids living in there sure as hell didn't get beaten by their father.

The forrest began somewhere close to the house, but their fence didn't really reach that far so Niall figured it would be alright to go there, there weren't many trees anyway, besides, he had gone to Scouts once, he'd find back, for sure, good thing he was only a little bit scared of darkness.

After a few steps in, Niall already regretted his choice a little bit, but then he remembered what would happen if his dad would drive down the street to look for him and see him somewhere, who knows what he'd do then, maybe slapping had just been the beginning.

Driven by fear, Niall almost didn't notice the odd thing about the next tree, he had still hardly even gone into the forrest, but his heart did make a jump once more as he looked up, this time it was out of joy though. A treehouse! Perfect, no one would ever look for him _there_.

Without even thinking about it, Niall found the ladder in no time, it wasn't that far, which was good because he was a little more scared of heights than he was of darkness, so not that great of an idea, but what choices did he have really?

Every step, Niall had to remind himself not to look down, he went really slowly, trying not to focus on how much his cheek hurt, it felt like someone had stabbed him with a knife or something. Not that he had ever been stabbed by a knife, but he had seen it in a movie once that he hadn't been allowed to watch.

When he reached the top, it had become even darker, but it was alright, he felt safe up here, plus, someone had put blankets and pillows on the little space provided, there were no real windows or anything, it was as simple as it could be. Some pictures on a wall, of a cat, and then of a few people Niall didn't look too closely at, he just tried to bring as much distance between him and the edge as possible. Which was not a lot at all.

For a few minutes, it was completely quiet, some bird chirped in the distance, a car drove by, a twig cracked (Niall was SURE it had just been a cat or so), but nothing more. Well, for a while at least, Niall relaxed, leaning against the wall, hugging his knees to his chest, just about to rest his head on top when…

"Be back in thirty minutes, you hear me!" No doubt, those words came from someone from that house back there, a woman, Niall was scared suddenly, but he told himself it was alright, he could sit here as much as he wanted to, they would probably not come look up here anyway. Maybe the treehouse belonged to no one in particular, how would he know.

His worries grew when a few more twigs creaked, louder this time, as if someone was running around down there, he considered looking down but decided against as his heart nearly jumped out of his chest. Someone was using the ladder!

Already seeing his life flash in front of his eyes, Niall couldn't even hide anywhere, there wasn't even a need to _try_ , whoever was going up here, they'd see him and then do god knows what. Did they throw kids into prison in England? Niall had no clue, he wanted to cry, be back home, instead, he just sat there, anxiously waiting.

And then a boy's head popped up over the edge, nearly falling right back off as his eyes locked with Niall's. "Oh god! What… what are you… how did you… what?!"

It was LIAM! Liam! Niall could've laughed the whole night through, but not one sound escaped him while the other boy pulled himself over the edge, looking more confused than any person Niall had ever met.

"Hey! I'm talking to you, why are you up here?! It's my treehouse, you know." He didn't sound too mad, actually, he just sounded shocked and confused, just like Niall felt, he moved a little tighter against the wall, carefully watching as Liam made sure to keep enough distance between them, obviously waiting for an answer. "Niall, whats going on here?"

"You remember my name?" For some reason, that was the first thing Niall thought, then he realized he had said it out loud as Liam rolled his eyes barely noticeable now that it was getting darker. At least he didn't seem like he'd throw Niall down and call the police.

"You repeated it like 28 times yesterday, I'm sure the whole school knows your name." Right, that had been Niall's plan, he wasn't really certain of anything anymore now after what had happened at home. Absently, he started rubbing his cheek again, shrugging. "What's that mean? Shouldn't you be home? It's about to get dark, how'd you even get here?"

"I ran." That was the truth after all, Niall didn't lie, so really, he had no choice but to tell Liam and since he didn't wanna tell him about his dad, that seemed to be the most inviting option. "I ran away from home."

For some reason, Liam just stared at him again, not even too shocked, then he sighed once again. Why was he always doing that? "Well, you didn't come very far, did you?"

Tears were stinging in Niall's eyes again after that comment, if Liam was going to make fun of him now then he really couldn't take it, he rubbed at his cheek again, harder now before turning his head half away, just in case his tears would spill over. His voice sounded a little tight. "No."

"I…" Maybe Liam had noticed how close Niall was to crying, but he didn't check the boy's face, just kept staring at one wall of the treehouse, fighting back sobs. He wanted to go home, see his mum, but he didn't even know the direction. "Are you okay, Niall?"

The voice was much softer now, which made everything worse, somehow Niall wanted to crawl over and hug Liam, he didn't know him very well but not like Niall cared, he had always been one to give cuddles. Now he could need one. "Y-Yes."

"Okay, um… look, I know you probably don't wanna talk to me about it, but… it's dangerous on your own, you know. Maybe… maybe we should go inside and my mum can call your par-"

"No! No, she can't!" Hearing this, Niall panicked, forgetting to cover his cheek and hide his face, just staring at Liam in pure horror, god, what would happen if his dad had to come and pick him up from here?!

"I just… what's on your cheek? Why's it all red?" Out of instinct, Niall covered half his face again with his palm, moving back even further, as if he wasn't already pressed up against the wall, but now Liam was moving closer to him, a questioning look on his face. "Why did you run away?"

"I… I had a fight with my dad." Everyone fought with their parents, right? That was nothing unusual to say, Niall didn't wanna spill the secret, what if Liam told his parents and then they went to the police and have Niall taken into foster care?!

"Oh. I'm sorry. I'm sure he's worried about you though." Liam kept his eyes on Niall's hand covering his cheek, he felt it, so he didn't dare to move the slightest bit, not even as Liam sat down right next to him, suddenly acting as if they were friends. "You can't just run away, Niall."

"Why? You did it too." He wasn't angry, but it was true, and who was Liam to tell him what he could and couldn't do? "You just ran away from school yesterday, that's a lot worse."

"That's different." Now that Liam wasn't blocking the open side of the treehouse anymore, Niall could stare straight at the trees in front of the one they were sitting on, the sun was disappearing rapidly, somehow he might have even been glad that Liam was there, he was a lot taller than Niall, he also looked older, it was comforting to have him around even if he probably hated Niall. Most likely.

"How?" Feeling his hand already getting sweaty from pressing it onto his cheek, Niall let it slip a little, hoping Liam wasn't watching him.

"Well, I wasn't running away, I went to the headmaster to call my mum and get picked up." Oh, well, that WAS different.

"Why? Was it because I-"

"No, not because of you." Thank god, Niall forgot to cover his cheek as he turned his head to smile at Liam, automatically somehow, but all the other boy stared at was Niall's cheek before he continued. "I just felt bad, you know. Because of my cat, we had him for twelve years, that's longer than I have been even born, guess you just got me on the wrong day. Look."

Niall felt blush creeping into his face as he realized that Liam had seen his cheek, he could still make up a lie though, for now he was just relived and curious as he watched Liam suddenly reaching around and taking a picture off the wall, handing it over to Niall. Oh, so that cat in the pictures, it was Liam's. Or had been, sadly. "He's cute. What … what's his name?"

"Loki. Well, it was his name, it's okay, you can say it. He's been sick for a while, it didn't come out of nowhere, you know? It's alright." Then Liam took the picture out of Niall's hands again, looking at it himself and Niall wondered when Liam had gotten this talkative, it was like he was a completely different boy now. Not like someone Niall had pitied just a few hours before, actually, he seemed really grown up now, his voice was soft, it was really calming and Niall wished that they were friends so he could've asked Liam for a hug and asked if he could stay over night. "Hey, Niall?"

"Yes?" Since it had been pointless, Niall had stopped covering his cheek, he was just hugging his knees again, staring at nothing in particular, it was hard to see more now than just figures.

"Did your dad hit you?" Liam was almost only whispering, but Niall heard him clearly seeing as they were the only people around, so it was pretty impossible to pretend that he hadn't. Now it was his time to sigh.

"He… he didn't… didn't mean to. Please don't tell." Niall begged, already feeling guilty but also a bit relieved for saying it out loud, silently praying that Liam wasn't someone to go and tell secrets, that was just mean. "Please, promise me."

"Yeah, okay, promise." It had come out after a second of hesitating and if Niall hadn't been busy fighting back tears, he would've turned his head to look at Liam. Maybe then he wouldn't have almost jumped to the roof as he felt a hand on his arm. "Where's your mum?"

"I don't know… working maybe. Maybe she's home already, I don't know." Their working hours were weird, Niall had never quite gotten the hang of it, but usually someone was always home when he came home too, and if not, then he was told to go to Sean's house. Or so it had been back in Ireland.

"Okay. You know her number?" Niall tried to sniff quietly, certain that Liam had heard despite his tries, he nodded. "We can go inside and call her, to come and pick you up, I mean. And if she's not picking up or still at work you can wait at my house."

"Really?" That offer came out of nowhere, Niall's mouth dropped open a little at Liam's kind offer, he wanted to hug this boy so badly now but held back, deciding that it was enough the way it was. But his warm hand had felt really nice on Niall's arm.

"Sure, come on." There was a smile in Liam's face now, a real smile that helped loosening the knot in Niall's throat a little bit, he felt good with Liam, safe, even though he couldn't be much older than Niall himself, he seemed to have complete control over this situation, knowing exactly what to do.

He even helped Niall to the edge, telling him to go down after him, maybe because he sensed that Niall was a little scared about going down, in almost complete darkness, but he didn't wanna be a baby now so he did exactly what Liam had told him.

"Careful, okay? Don't be scared when you hear something creak, that one step always does that, but it won't break, just keep going." So Niall did, under Liam's reassuring words, it was almost too easy to get down, even though one time some stupid owl made a sound and Niall almost slipped off with one feet if there hadn't been a hand around his ankle keeping him there. "Alright, good job."

For some weird reason, Niall felt himself smiling after Liam saying that, he hoped the other boy couldn't see though, not saying anything as he followed him back towards the house. With appropriate distance of course, close enough so he wouldn't get scared but far enough so it wouldn't be weird for Liam, because sure, Niall didn't mind physical contact at all, but maybe other people did.

"It'll be okay, alright? We'll tell my mum you got lost, you did somehow, it's not even a lie, and then she can call your mum and tell her our address, it'll be fine." Hearing it out of Liam's mouth really did sound as if it would be fine, Niall tried to relax while they walked, absently rubbing at his cheek again, hoping the spot would fade. Somehow he didn't even wanna tell his mum, he didn't want his parents fighting because of him, or worse, have his mother agree with his dad.

"Mum, I'm back." Liam had led Niall through their garden door and then a half closed glass door that led into a lit living room, locking up behind Niall before throwing him a reassuring smile, now clearly visible with all the lights on. His eyes rested a bit too long on Niall's cheek. "Can you come here for a second, please?"

"One second, Li!" The voice came from upstairs probably, but Niall was more focused on Liam's nickname anyway, he nearly bursted out with his realization that his sounded almost the same. Li and Ni. The situation was not really appropriate for Niall to start babbling about random things though, so he shut it, looking around the room a bit instead. It was nice.

"She'll be here in no time. You wanna drink something? Eat?" Apparently, Niall wasn't the only one always trying to be polite, after today, he was pretty sure that Liam was doing an even better job at that than he did.

"I'm good. Thank you…" Feeling Liam's stare, Niall purposely looked at his feet, pretending to be straightening out his shirt, it's not that he was shy or anything, he was just embarrassed, because Liam knew about what his dad had done and because he was here at all. And also because he was sad, mad, scared, all at the same time. He also didn't wanna go home.

So they just stood around for a few minutes, Liam tried to talk to Niall again, but didn't really succeed until his mum finally came downstairs, her facial expression quickly changing to really surprised as she spotted Niall, who was about to say hi, but Liam was faster. "Mum, that's Niall. He just moved here and he's in my class, he got lost though, can we call his mum to come and get him?"

"Oh, yeah, sure. Poor thing, you look really worn out." He was, usually Niall was happy and excited for anything, but today, not so much, he just nodded along to everything Liam's mum said, things like 'it's really easy to get lost in this neighborhood' and 'your parents must be worried sick'. Niall doubted the last part, maybe they were glad, his dad for sure.

Somehow, Niall almost hoped that his mum wouldn't pick up so he could stay with Liam, who had made him sit down on the couch a few minutes ago, still offering reassuring words as they watched his mum waiting on the phone. And just when Niall thought too much time had passed for someone to answer, she started talking.

Niall didn't even listen, he just hoped that it really was his mum and not dad who'd come to pick him up, but he faked a smile anyway, thanked Liam's mum a few more times after she had hung up, happily announcing that he must live close because he'd be picked up in ten minutes.

"Thank you again, I-"

"No worries, love, take good care, yeah? I'm sure Liam will wait with you, I'm sorry, I gotta run up real quick and finish the washing." Then she even shook Niall's hand with a too tight grip and a bright smile, leaving the two boys by the door as she disappeared around the corner.

"Your mum is really nice." Niall blurted out, because it was true, plus he was still amazed that he had been treated so nicely, he was just some random kid after all.

"Yeah…you're gonna be okay, right? I mean…" It was almost as if Liam was worried about him, Niall felt his tummy doing a flip at the thought of someone caring this much about him, he quickly nodded, hoping to make that expression in Liam's face disappear.

"Yeah. It was just… just one time. Won't happen again." If he could only believe that himself, deep inside, Niall was terrified, terrified because that line had been crossed and now maybe his dad wouldn't be afraid of doing it again.

"I hope so. You can talk to me, you know… if you want to. I'm sorry for being so mean yesterday, I didn't mean to." Instead of telling Liam that he had already forgiven him ten million years ago, Niall smiled, for real now after faking it for a while, holding his hand towards Liam.

"Friends?" And Liam returned the smile, maybe even wider, as he took his hand.

 

————

 

The ride home was silent, after his mum had hugged him for good ten minutes, kissing his head and telling him how worried she had been (all with Liam watching but not saying a word), she had finally let go of Niall again.

There was no doubt that his dad had not told her about how he had slapped him, she didn't even notice his cheek, just said that she had indeed read his text message but her battery had died then so she hadn't been able to call Niall's dad. But she knew about the fight and Niall running away of course, and the punishments, though she promised there would be none at all, it didn't really matter that much to Niall. He was worried about something completely different as they walked through the front door, his mum finally letting go of his hand that she had been holding from the car to the door.

"We're back! He was with some boy from his class, it's all good now." It wasn't, still, Niall smiled back at his mum as she hugged him again, kissing his forehead. "My boy. I was so worried, Ni, don't ever do that again, alright? I love you so much."

"Love you too, mum." Then she let go again, wiping her eyes, as if she had been crying yet again and Niall felt really guilty for running away, he should've just looked himself into his room instead. But then he would've never become Liam's friend maybe, never seen this side of him and he was really glad that he had.

"Niall." Another shiver ran down Niall's spine that he concealed pretty well, his dad didn't look furious anymore, he looked friendly now. Something about that woke the urge in Niall to run right out that door again, but he stayed, waiting. "I'm really sorry that we fought and that I yelled, of course you can still celebrate your birthday, I'm just glad that you're okay, son."

"I'm sorry too." It was an automatic reaction, also the way he hugged his dad back afterwards, something that hadn't happened in a while, maybe that's why it got his mum all happy, telling them she'd be in the kitchen and that Niall was allowed to stay up a little longer tonight and have ice cream. He would've preferred getting straight sent to bed if that meant he wouldn't have had to hear what his dad whispered into his ear shortly before letting go.

"Don't you say a word to anyone."

 

————

 

The next morning, first thing Niall did was check his cheek, it was a little red, but nothing he couldn't pass off as something else, he knew that he could not tell his mum, not even Harry and Zayn. Nobody, except for Liam, because he already knew and would hopefully keep it to himself. But they were friends now right? Something about this made Niall smile every time, sure, he had been at Harry's house and played footie with him and Zayn but Liam and him had shaken hands over it, so technically, he was Niall's first friend here.

And really, that was just another reason for Niall's mood to go up, sure, he was still a bit shocked because of last night, but he really hoped his dad wouldn't do it again, maybe things would be better now.

"Hey, Niall!" It seemed to be Harry's thing to greet Niall loud enough for everyone to hear, not that he minded, he loved it actually, when people were excited to see him and Harry didn't play around, he even pulled him into a short hug. "What's up? Wanna hang out again today after school? I figured that maybe if you and Zayn team up you could actually beat me. I doubt it though."

"Harry, you're terrible at football, get over it." Zayn laughed from his seat, making Niall join because why not, it felt good to laugh over something simple like this, besides, Niall could almost laugh over anything.

"I'm not! You guys aren't playing fair, I'll show you later. What's on your cheek, Niall? Fell down?" Immediately, Niall was taken back to reality, he tried his best to act as if his heart wasn't beating ten times faster as he slowly slid into his chair, waiting for Harry to do the same.

"What? Oh… yeah, hit it against the table, looks worse than it is." They bought it easily, causing guilt to bubble up in Niall for lying, but he hadn't had a choice either way. "Right, about today, I… I think I should go home before and tell my parents where I'm going. They didn't…um… take the text message thing too well."

"Oh, okay. No problem, we can come with you, parents love me." Somehow Niall believed him immediately, Harry did look very innocent, with his curls and dimples, the way he talked, so he just nodded, a little less scared now. He had no idea who would be home today and what his dad would allow him to do, but he sure as hell wouldn't hit him with the other two around. "We're here with our bikes though, you can sit on the rack of one. Or handle, if you want."

"Okay, thanks, that'll be fun." And then, because everyone seemed to be in a good mood and Zayn wasn't even sleepy today, Niall just blurted out with it. "Can I ask Liam too?"

Usually, Niall would have just done it, but he felt like he had to ask now, after all, they had invited him to _their_ plans, maybe they didn't know each other long enough for that. Three days, not that it mattered to Niall, he considered everyone his friend who acted like it. "Sure."

It was Zayn who had nodded as if it was nothing, barely hesitating, he even smiled a bit at Niall, who felt relieved until he looked at Harry torturing his bottom lip, unsure as it seemed like. "You think he even wants to? What if it gets all weird, what if he doesn't talk to us?"

"He will." Niall promised, not planning on ever sharing any of the events of last night though, it was his secret, he could just hope that Liam had meant everything, that he hadn't just been acting nice because he felt sorry for Niall. That'd hurt pretty bad. "I'm sure he'll want to come, you guys are fun to hang out with after all."

That had Harry rolling his eyes and Zayn snicker, even though Niall had truly meant it, why would he make that up? "Fine, ask him. If he even shows up today."

Right, that was the problem Niall hadn't considered, it was shortly before nine and no sign of Liam there, somehow this really got Niall worried, he really wanted Liam to come too today, hang out with him under normal conditions, how great would it be if all the four of them could be friends? Too good to be true maybe, it'd be just like back home, plus he could only invite three people over for his birthday as well, so where was Liam?

When he didn't show up after the teacher had walked in, Niall's mood dropped dramatically, he hoped no one noticed that he was a bit more quiet and didn't raise his hand all the time to show that he was paying attention and had something to say. Well, he had something to say, he just wasn't in the mood right now, which was unusual for him, he always was in the mood for everything.

Just after Harry had thrown a paper at Niall's head saying you ok? and had nearly gotten them caught, everyone's heads turned when the door opened, immediately, the whispers started. "Quiet! Liam, sit down, it's alright, talk to me after class."

"Sorry…" He mumbled, walking rather quickly to his seat without looking up while Niall nearly broke his neck trying to keep an eye on him, hoping to figure out what had been wrong or that Liam would give him a sign, look at him, anything.

"Maybe take a picture, lasts longer…" Zayn whispered from behind, obviously directed towards Niall, making Harry laugh quietly though it wasn't funny at all. What if something had happened to Liam?

So for the rest of the class, like fifteen minutes, Niall was nearly bursting with curiosity, he didn't even know whether Liam would agree to tell him what had been up with him or where he had been, all he knew was that when the teacher sent everyone out after class, Niall stopped as soon as he was out the door, determined to find out. "Niall, are you coming?"

Harry and Zayn had stopped once they had realized he wasn't there, a little down the hall, but Niall just shook his head so they shrugged and left. It was nice though, that they somehow just considered him to be part of their group or whatever, Niall liked being considered part of anything really.

Before he got bored of watching the other kids walking past and studying the hallways a bit since it still was very new to him, the door behind him opened, immediately making him turn towards it to see a very sleepy Liam. "Uh, hey."

"Hm? Oh… hi." When he saw Niall, who probably was a bit too excited, actually, he wanted to jump up and down, Liam studied his face for a bit, then, not very surprising, he sighed. "Did you wait for me?"

"Yeah, sure did. Where've you been? You okay?" It was part of his personality, Niall couldn't exactly help bursting out with questions, checking if Liam was alright, if his friend was alright.

"Yeah, I'm fine…" They walked a few steps, well, Liam did, Niall just walked with him, suddenly remembering that he hadn't even checked his timetable before, so good thing everyone had the same classes here.

"Did anything happen?" Niall pressed on, he felt like he needed to know the answer to this now, hell, he couldn't even look away from Liam's profile and almost stumbled into a locker because of that.

"Well… nothing new anyway." Which was even more confusing, but Liam barely turned his head then, smiling again like last night, a little sleepy though. "Thanks for waiting for me."

"No problem." He decided to let it rest for a bit, he could ask Liam later, maybe he didn't wanna tell Niall, it was his good right not to, wasn't it? Though Niall was desperate to help, even more because Liam had helped him too, there really wasn't anything he could do besides change the topic or shut up. "Um… you wanna hang out with me and Harry and Zayn after school?"

"Wait… what?" At least Liam didn't seem lost in thoughts anymore, he was incredibly confused now as he looked at Niall, cocking his head slightly as he waited for an explanation.

"Hang out, with us. They asked me, I played footie with them yesterday, it was fun and I don't really know any other people here. They said it's okay if I ask you to come too." Beaming at Liam, Niall almost stumbled into a girl this time, causing the other boy to crack a light smile, maybe because of his clumsiness, even if Niall hoped it was because he was eager to hang out with him too.

"Well, I… I don't really talk to them, but…" He had probably talked more to them than Niall had, plus he'd make Liam come anyway. "Well… if you want me to come."

There was nothing Niall wanted more. "I do! it'll be fun, okay, I promise. But we have to go to my house real quick before, I gotta tell my parents."

"Okay. Is everything alright? With your parents and… you know." Right, now that Liam mentioned it, Niall felt his stomach twist uncomfortably, but he nodded quickly, remaining smiling just because he was so glad Liam would come too after school.

"Yeah, it's all good." And then, just because he didn't wanna answer anymore questions about that topic, much like Liam before, he quickly asked the first thing he could think of. "What's our next class?"

"Uh, sports. Don't you have a timetable?" Liam laughed as Niall shrugged, proud that he had managed to amuse Liam, he really had no idea what it was about this boy, why he wanted him to like him so desperately, maybe it was still because of the first day of school. "I like sports."

"I don't. I like when we play games though, do you guys play a lot of games here? I'm not good at anything else." Really, embarrassing as it was, Niall felt like he wasn't even running right most of the time. Maybe not even walking.

"Sometimes we do, we have to run a lot of laps, but if you're lucky we'll play football." And then Liam just watched, smiling as Niall cheered, as if he enjoyed seeing Niall happy, as if he really and truly cared. Niall really hoped that he did.

"Can I ask you something?" Hardly waiting for a nod or an answer, Niall had already taken a breath to talk on, really eager now that he had come up with this brilliant idea of his, it was a wonder he hadn't just blurted out with all of his questions at once. "What's your favorite color?"

"Um… Blue, I guess, why-"

"What's your favorite movie?" Maybe this was making Niall look a little desperate for friends but he didn't mind, because Liam suddenly started laughing at how quickly he brought the questions out, obviously not bothered by that game.

Even better, he decided to play along, as if he was just as eager to find stuff out about Niall as the other way around. "Wait, wait. What's _your_ favorite color?"

They kept this up, until they reached the gym and Niall promised he still had a few thousand more questions left he'd ask Liam in the next break, thought it somehow had been a joke, he probably would be able to come up with a bunch more, he'd just ask anything and everything.

The changing room was rather small, everyone was already there as it seemed like, but no one really payed that much attention to them either as they walked in, Niall going straight to put his stuff next to Harry's and Zayn's, glad to see that Liam was following him. Well, there wasn't much space left anywhere else.

Nothing exciting happened while they changed, Niall shared a look with Harry as the other boy threw a questioning stare at him and then over at Liam, so Niall just nodded, assuming the other boy wanted to know whether Liam would come too. And if not then whatever he had just agreed to, Harry didn't seem to mind too much after all.

"Hey, Liam, where've you been first period?" They had all just been talking, Niall sitting between Zayn and Liam as they watched Harry making a fool out of himself because he couldn't open his water bottle when someone spoke up from across the changing room, a few guys suddenly laughing.

"Nowhere, I was just late." Was all Liam said, then he shrugged as Niall turned his head to look at him, suddenly getting nervous when he noticed the older boy blushing, he was afraid everyone else could see it too.

"Oh really?" It made Niall uncomfortable, the way they were talking, clearly making fun of Liam, making Niall really mad, but he shut his mouth for now, just hoping they would stop, that Liam would just ignore them. "How'd you like the letters we sent you, huh?"

Wait, wait, what? Niall's head snapped at this, eyeing the boy who had said this, he and his friends were smirking, not moving from their places though, getting Niall embarrassed because he had once again forgotten the name of half of the people, but then again, they were being mean to Liam so he wasn't really sure if he wanted to know them anyways. "They're getting a bit old."

"Oh, sorry, we just wanted to make sure you know. Because no one likes you, you get that? NOBODY does, okay? You're weird and-"

It was beyond childish, that's what Niall thought about it, but then again, they were 9, maybe 10 years old and he wasn't used to things like that, but Liam next to him was just looking at his hands now, with an undefinable expression on his face and Niall didn't wanna watch this anymore. "Stop it, Liam hasn't done anything to you."

"What do you know, Niall? You got here like, three days ago, just stay out of it, yeah?" He couldn't, no matter if everyone hated him afterwards, he couldn't just not say something if it was Liam.

"No, just leave him alone, it's really mean and he's not weird at all." And I like him, Niall thought, he didn't say it though, because the other guys were just laughing at him now while Zayn's elbow was starting to hurt because of how often he had rammed it into Niall's ribs by now to shut him up.

Before anyone could say something else though, their gym teacher came inside, a man Niall had never seen before but he had no time to think about it or even observe the gym because he couldn't get his eyes off of Liam's back once they had all gotten sentenced to running as many laps as they could. Liam had gotten up as the first, shaking off Niall's hand as he had mindlessly reached out for the other boy's wrist, not even knowing what he wanted to say, just something.

"Niall, just let him be, he'll be fine, you can talk to him after this torture is over." Harry's idea sounded pretty simple, but all Niall did was shake his head, he sucked at running so he had to save his breath now, because damn, Liam was fast.

"Can't. Gotta do it now." Great, he could hardly speak in full sentences, after only five minutes, Harry just rolled his eyes before slowing down even more so he could run next to Zayn instead. Even though, what they were doing couldn't even been counted as running anymore, they were walking fast at the max.

Niall on the other hand tried to mentally prepare himself for having to almost get to the front, Liam was running along but he never slowed down either, obviously the comments from before had hurt him, and what about the letters? Niall had to find out.

It wasn't so hard, getting to run next to Liam, the problem was keeping up with him AND using most of his breath for talking. "Liam… can we… talk?"

"Better not, you sound like you're gonna fall down dead any second." True that, but even after saying this, Liam didn't even spare Niall a look or slowed down in any way to make it any easier.

"Slow down. Please." Now he was begging, losing all of his courage at once when Liam simply shook his head.

"Can't. It sucks enough as it is, if I run back there with the others they're gonna trip me every five seconds." Speaking of tripping, Niall had looked down, noticing that his shoelace had untied itself, before he could ask Liam whether this was dangerous, he accidentally stepped on top of it, losing his balance and - of course - accidentally pulling Liam down with him to the ground.

It hurt, not as bad as his cheek had yesterday but still enough so that he clenched his teeth together, curling up in a ball and pressing his eyes shut, as if he could force the tears to go back inside. Crying in front of his whole class on the third day, what an accomplishment.

"Everyone keep running!" The teacher's voice sounded closer than before when he had yelled at Zayn to pick it up a bit, he was obviously coming closer, but still, it definitely wasn't his hand that was rubbing Niall's arm.

"Niall, are you okay? I think you're bleeding, can you sit up?" No, sitting up sounded like the worst idea in the world, but instead of saying this, Niall just grunted before attempting to do what Liam had asked him to. He still hadn't decided whether he liked or hated the fact that the other boy sounded so worried. "Hey, careful."

There were dark spots dancing in front of Niall's eyes as he pushed himself into a sitting position, maybe a bit too quick though, he nearly fell into Liam's lap this time, grateful to feel the other's arm around his shoulders for support. "I'm fine."

"Your-"

"Okay, you two, what was that supposed to be? Niall, how about tying your shoes before running? Liam, help him up, he's bleeding." Right, Niall still hadn't checked, he did now though, seeing his knees scratched open, but it wasn't deep or anything, just burned a lot.

"Yea, okay, come on, I got you." With a lot of Liam's reassuring words that he was so good at it was ridiculous, Niall stood a few moments later, not even thinking about it as he gripped onto Liam's upper arm as he started to feel dizzy again, he couldn't even clearly see the others running, only thing keeping him from lying right back there on the ground was Liam getting his arm free of his grip to hold him tightly around the waist instead. "He should sit d-"

"I know. Take him back to the changing room and make sure he drinks something, I can't let those guys out of my sight, I'll check on you guys in a few minutes. Now go, he looks really pale." For a moment Niall tried to make sense of his teachers words, but he couldn't, he would've closed his eyes if Liam hadn't urged him to move with him.

"Come on, Niall, it's okay. Please don't pass out, that'd really suck, someone passed out in school once and they had to call an ambulance, it really wasn't funny and I heard you have to stay in hospital afterwards." Not that Niall caught only half of those words, he just clung to Liam without thinking, barely realizing that the other boy was carrying most of his weight by now. But Liam was strong, he seemed to be really good at this, and not even bothered.

It took them forever to get to the changing room though, but again, just like last night, Liam seemed to have complete control over the situation, he made Niall lie down on his back, getting his own hoodie to make a pillow for him before coming back with some tissues and a water bottle. "What're you doing?"

"You gotta drink and you're still bleeding, the teacher gave me some band aids but I gotta wait for it to stop bleeding first." Then without a warning, he just pressed the wetted tissue to the wound, making Niall hiss and press his eyes shut. "Sorry."

"It's okay, I… can we talk now at least?" At least he wasn't out of breath anymore, sure, he was dizzy, but fully aware of what was going on, the dark spots had vanished too.

"About what?" Liam pretended to be busy tapping Niall's wound, or both of them actually, probably wiping some blood away, it was crazy that he had agreed to do this.

"Before, I… I should've said more, to make them shut up, and sooner, I'm sorry. They are really childish, Liam, don't even listen to them, okay? And whatever letters they sent you or so… just ignore it, you're not weird, I promise." And I like you, Niall thought again, still not saying it out loud but waiting for an answer that seemed to take a little bit too long, his knees burning like fire meanwhile.

"I came late to class because they stuffed them in my locker." Out of nowhere, Liam had just started talking, Niall didn't dare to open his eyes or even move in fear he'd stop explaining again, but it sounded like Liam had gotten to the band aids now, slowly ripping them open while Niall was almost shaking with fear. "They do that sometimes, it's stupid. I just… didn't wanna go to class right after that, so I went to the bathroom for a while. I told the teacher I was sick."

"That's so mean, in my old school, no one did things like that, we all got along. I'm sorry, Liam, I wish I could- Ow." Right, it still hurt, Liam apologized quietly, then he finally let go of Niall's knees, moving closer to his head instead.

"It's okay, I'm used to it anyways. You don't have to say anything, it… it's not a good idea for us to be friends." So now that finally gave Niall enough strength to open up his eyes, seeing Liam kneeling next to him, playing with the water bottle in his hands, unaware of the glare Niall tried to give him. "Everybody likes you, Niall, if you hang out with me then-"

"I wanna hang out with you. We're friends, right? You said it, yesterday, you can't take it back now." Somehow this got Niall scared, it was true, he was scared that people might hate him now but it was the right thing to do and besides that, he wouldn't leave his friends on their own.

"I'm not taking it back, I just… " Then Liam bit his bottom lip, leaning forward a bit, completely ignoring the fact that Niall was staring at him, trembling slightly in anticipation. "I don't know why you would want to be my friend anyways."

Everyone is my friend, that's what Niall could've said but then he didn't, because well, it was different with Liam and just because the other boy had been talking so quietly, as if he was scared, Niall let his eyes drop closed again, reaching out with his hand until he could touch Liam's wrist. "'cause I like you. And you've been really nice to me last night and I don't like when people make fun of someone for no reason. And I just got here and I thought it'd be great if we were friends. So please?"

"You don't have to say please, Niall…" Liam mumbled, but he did sound as if he had cheered up a bit, when Niall cracked an eye open to check, the other boy was smiling slightly, not having his arm moved away from under Niall's hand yet. "Can you sit up a bit? You should drink something, I can help you."

"Okay…" Mostly because it felt nice whenever Liam took care of him, Niall didn't try too hard to sit up on his own, he felt a lot better already, as if he could go back to run again, slowly this time though, but when he thought about it, maybe he should really rest some more, save himself and Liam from sports. There was still something they had to finish after all. "So, what's your favorite video game?"

When Liam laughed, Niall couldn't help but think that he was really lucky to be here.

 

————

 

They stayed there for the rest of the period, when the teacher came to check on Niall, he acted a bit worn out and even though he felt bad about it, afterwards he was glad that he and Liam got to spend more time together alone.

There were no more stupid comments from the other boys, Harry and Zayn were a bit worried about Niall, but once they saw him walking rather normal, they calmed down again, both offering that he could sit on their bikes after school.

But when Liam announced he was there with his bike as well and walked up to Niall, the decision was quickly made. "You wanna sit on mine, Niall?"

So the four of them hung out after telling Niall's mum where they would go, she was thrilled of course and well, Niall was thrilled too that he got to sit on Liam's rack with his arms around the older boy's waist, smiling to himself when Harry and Zayn started talking to Liam just like they did to each other and Niall too.

It felt easy, as if last night hadn't happened at all, as if Niall had lived here all his life with those three.

 

————

 

The day of Niall's birthday was a saturday, somehow he felt a little sad about that because that meant he couldn't bring any cake to school, but when he woke up in the morning, he felt nothing but thrill anyway.

"Good morning, Ni, happy birthday." His mum had a big smile on her face as he entered the kitchen, still in pajamas, still tired, but that could wait, birthdays were about the most exciting thing to Niall he could ever imagine. Well, after Christmas, Niall loved Christmas more than anything.

"Morning, mum." She kissed and hugged a beaming Niall before looking at him, yet another tear in her eyes, she was the kind of mum to cry at any occasion really. Something Niall found a little embarrassing at times, but it was okay today, because no one else was there and besides, he was too excited.

"You're so grown up already, I can't believe it. Ten more years and you'll already be out of the house!" Not really being able to think that far, Niall just smiled, letting himself be kissed about three more times before finally slipping out of his mother's grip.

"I told my friends they can come over at eleven, that's okay, right?" It was only eight in the morning, plus he had asked his mum already fifty times before, so maybe that was why she only nodded absently, ruffling Niall's hair a bit before turning back around.

"Yes, of course, your dad will be home in the evening. Sit down, honey, I made you pancakes." At those words, Niall was pretty sure that there was nothing better in the world than having birthday, pancakes _and_ presents _and_ cake, how great could this day get?!

He got his answer a few hours later, after not succeeding at getting his mum to give him his presents early but then settling for being allowed to watch TV in the morning, only interrupted by some relatives calling to congratulate him, the sound of the doorbell had Niall jumping up in less than half a second. "Watch out when you're running, Niall!"

His mum's voice only barely came through, there was a smile so big plastered all across Niall's face, his cheeks started aching a little bit as he half ripped the door open, not being able to tone it down. "Hi!"

"Hey, Niall! Happy birthday!" It were Harry and Zayn, though Niall only had about a second to take it in because Harry had already hugged him, maybe just as excitedly as Niall was himself.

"Happy birthday, Ni." Zayn settled for smiling, he wasn't really into touches and cuddles that much, but it was alright, Niall was just overwhelmed by everything today, especially by the presents they were holding. "Here."

"Thank you so much. I can't open them yet though, my mum always gets mad if I do." Not really, but she got sad that one time Niall had ripped all his presents open when he had turned seven and she couldn't take a picture. No one should be sad on Niall's birthday. "And we have to wait for Liam too."

"Okay, but you can hold this meanwhile, right?" With a cheeky smile, Harry placed his present on top of Zayn's that Niall was already holding, chuckling as Niall grumbled a bit and let them pass. "They're great presents, my sister helped picking them out and she is already seventeen. And she got a _boyfriend._ "

"Ew." Was all Niall could think of, he liked Harry's sister though, she was funny and when she had driven him home on his second day of school, she had nearly ran a red light three times.

Having Zayn and Harry here was great, Niall showed them his room because he was so proud that he had been allowed to put everything where he had wanted to, even the posters on the walls. They were a bit out of order, but it was alright, no one noticed anyway, right?

"You got a big room, Ni, mine's only half that." Zayn remarked, half lying down in Niall's messy bed, maybe he was sleepy yet again. "And I like your bed."

"Zayn! Don't sleep in Niall's bed, it's not nice, it's his birthday!" Then before even taking a breath, Harry turned to Niall, who was sitting on the floor, trying hard not to think of how his cake might look like. "Can we do something?"

"Yeah, but we should wait for Liam, it's not fair. And it's only five past eleven anyways, he-"

Before Niall could finish, the doorbell rang again, causing Harry to laugh before gently shoving Niall with his foot. "Open up, Ni, I wanna do something!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm on my way." Still, he was smiling over Harry's excitement reflecting his own, it was great that his friends were so happy to be here, but still, seeing Liam cheered Niall up about ten times more if that was even possible. They had hung out a lot in the past few days, Liam had been to his house before even, and even if they spent a lot of time with Harry and Zayn, they also did stuff alone. Which was great, because the other two had been friends for so long and they had each other and Niall had Liam now, maybe they could even be best friends, who knows.

"Hi, Li!" For a moment, Liam didn't say anything, he blushed slightly though, maybe because he noticed how eager Niall was, but before he could open up his mouth, Niall had already thrown his arms around the other boy.

It was different with them, sure, Harry hugged Niall sometimes, but here it was Niall who wrapped his arms around Liam all the time and rested his head on the other boy's shoulder, always happy when Liam hugged him back, just like right now. "Hi, Niall. Happy birthday, you're squishing your present between us."

"Oh, sorry." Not really wanting to, Niall pulled away again, smiling brightly at Liam who handed the present over, it was covered in green wrapping paper, making him wonder if Liam had remembered what he had told him about his favorite color. "Thank you."

"That's okay. I hope you'll like it." Liam smiled again, he always did that, always smiling at Niall, he also laughed at every single one of Niall's jokes and never looked at him in a weird way, Liam was a great friend.

"I'm sure I will. Come on, Harry is pouting in my room because he wants to do something." Laughing, Niall took Liam's hand to pull him inside, not really thinking about what he was doing, only blushing slightly when he realized he had forgotten to let go again. But it was fine, right? They could hold hands sometimes, if no one saw, Niall liked holding Liam's hand and the other boy never even flinched when they touched.

They played some football outside in the garden then, Niall making sure he could play in a team with Liam as often as possible, and they also jumped on the trampoline Niall had gotten for his last birthday, it was much more fun to use when his friends were around.

When it started raining, Niall was really relieved that he had told Zayn to bring his extra controller so they could play some video games. He felt really grown up during all of this, mostly because his mum didn't interrupt them at all or told them what to do, she got them something to drink once and obviously fell in love with Harry, who grinned afterwards. Parents really did love him.

"Hey, Ni?" They were sitting on the couch, Niall and Liam both already out of the game and watching Zayn and Harry both trying to win the car race when Liam spoke up, quietly, so only Niall heard.

"Yeah?" He drew his eyes away from the screen, only now realizing how close they were sitting, actually half lying, on the couch, Liam playing with his fingers, blush creeping into his face.

"Um… you know, I wanted to ask you if… if you wanna sleep over at my house sometime. Sometimes my mum allows me to um… sleep in the treehouse. I'd ask the other two as well but there's not enough space up there, so…" There was a barely noticeable shrug, somewhere beside Niall, Zayn was yelling something at the TV, but he barely heard him because of how hard his heart was beating suddenly. Wow, he wanted to go sleep in Liam's treehouse more than anything in the world! "Do you want t-"

"Yes. Yes, I do. That'll be awesome, Liam! We can do it whenever, I always got time, okay, I just gotta tell my mum, but she'll say yes for sure. This will be great!" Niall could hardly shut up about it now, making Liam's smile return, the blush slowly disappearing from his face as he calmed down, leaning back further into the couch, reaching out for Niall's hand while the other two didn't look.

"We could do it tonight, it's saturday. And I know you said we could only stay until seven, but-"

"Let's do it tonight, yeah. I'll ask my mum in a bit, she's gonna say yes, she has to, it's my birthday." A giggle escaped him, god, this day had just gotten even better, seeing Liam return the smile just as brightly, squeezing Niall's hand again as they watched the TV, right in time to see Zayn beat Harry.

"You cheated!" Was the first thing Harry yelled, because he always did whenever he lost, Niall was used to it by now, he just laughed along, in his head though, he was still stuck with Liam's words.

"Did not." Zayn shrugged, not bothered at all by what Harry had said, he simply put his controller down. "I told you that's not how you play Mario Kart, but you never listen to me, Haz."

"Cheater." Harry mumbled again, pretending to be mad now when he sat back properly again, luckily not looking over to see that Niall had once again forgotten to let go of Liam's hand. It just felt so familiar by now, calming. "Ni, can we go eat some cake now? And not let Zayn have any?"

"We can go ask my mum if we can have some, but I think Zayn wants some too." Their banter was sometimes difficult for Niall to go along with, he knew that Harry didn't actually mean it and that Zayn knew that, but he still tried to be fair, slowly pulling his hand back into his own lap. "Let's go ask."

Now that Harry had mentioned it, the though of his presents slowly came back into Niall's mind, now he really wanted to have the cake too and unpack everything, that was one of the most exciting parts, when he was just about to find out.

The others followed behind, Liam smiling once more at Niall, staying close to him while Harry was still trying to get Zayn to admit that he had somehow managed to cheat on the game, hardly ever getting as much as a simple 'No'.

Luckily Niall's mum agreed, she might have wiped another tear when the other three sang happy birthday for Niall (terribly wrong too, plus it was all caught on tape) and then made a hell of a mess with the blue frosting of the cake. It even ended up in Liam's hair but that was alright because Niall made sure to get it out for him, feeling really grateful that they were sitting next to each other.

"Alright, honey, you can open your presents now. The ones from me and dad are over there where I put the others for you." They weren't really from her and his dad, Niall was very well aware of that, he knew of kids who got great presents whenever their dad's travelled somewhere, and Niall's dad travelled too because of his job, but he had never brought anything back for him. His mum was the one who bought every present all by herself, but it was alright, because she tried really hard every year and Niall was grateful for whatever he got, his dad wasn't here anyway, he didn't even miss him too much.

"Open mine first!" Harry requested, blue dots on his cheek that no one had pointed out to him yet, Zayn just threw a look over sometimes, quietly laughing over his friend.

"Okay, yeah." Niall breathed, too excited to answer properly. He got all the presents from the counter, going back to his chair next to Liam then and placing them on the table in front of him before getting the one he remembered Harry had given him hours before.

"Don't cut yourself on the paper…" Liam mumbled somewhere beside him as if he couldn't help it, it was a very Liam-like thing to say, watching out for Niall before Niall even knew he needed someone to watch out for him, but it didn't bother him, he liked that, liked being sure of all of Liam's attention.

Once all the wrapping paper was finally gone, Niall started smiling, it was a DVD, that one movie Harry could never shut up about, 'Frozen', that's what it was called and Niall had no idea what the plot was because he didn't know too many movies but he thanked Harry a few times, knowing how excited the other boy was about it.

Then came Zayn's present, which was a book and a card, he had drawn the card himself and it looked absolutely amazing, everyone made sure to tell him that more than once, but he just shrugged, as if it was nothing. Right, that would have to be kept on Niall's inboard.

From his parents, or mum actually, Niall had gotten some nerf guns everyone seemed really jealous about, a new video game that the others were even more jealous about and lastly, a few clothes.

Well and then… "You still got mine to open."

It had been purpose, to safe Liam's present until all the others were already opened up, because even though Niall tried to tell himself that they were all equally important, he had been the most excited about that one. "Yeah… "

The smile on Liam's face hadn't faded, so luckily he wasn't mad that Niall hadn't opened his present yet, he couldn't tell him the reason in front of everyone though, it was even hard to keep his hands from shaking slightly as he started ripping the green paper.

"Oh…" Once Niall saw what Liam had gotten him, he had a lump in his throat, alongside some of his favorite candy he couldn't even remember mentioning to Liam, there was a wristband, and it looked really cool, green again, but it also had a little clover hanging from it and before Niall could ask, Liam was already explaining.

"It reminded me of you, because clover and Ireland you know. It brings luck too, to keep you safe, because you're always so clumsy." Obviously it had been a joke, Liam was laughing quietly but Niall just stared at the wristband, somehow knowing what Liam really meant with 'keeping him safe', and he couldn't believe just how much he liked the other boy.

"Good job, Liam, that was the cheesiest thing I have ever heard and I have been to a wedding before." Zayn laughed at himself, having Harry join way too loud a few seconds later, but Niall ignored them, taking a quick breath as he turned to Liam.

"Help me put it on?" His voice sounded a bit breathless now, but Liam had heard him, doing what he had been asked to, fingers barely brushing Niall's skin, who was still examining his new present until Liam was done, swearing to himself that he'd never take it off again. "Thank you so much."

"No problem." Even without looking, Niall felt the smile, he felt like hugging Liam and never letting go again, but everyone else was there too so he held back, reminding himself that they would have enough time alone later if his mum agreed. She had to now.

"Okay, boys, does anyone want more cake or-"

"Yes, please, me. That's a really good cake, Mrs. Horan, thank you so much." So that was why parents loved Harry, though Niall only heard half of it, he had finally drawn his eyes away from his wrist, looking at Liam now to return the other boy's smile.

 

———

 

"Mum, when's dad coming home?" It was late already, Gemma, Harry's sister, had just come to pick up Zayn and Harry so now it was only Liam, Niall and his mum. They hadn't asked yet because Liam agreed that it would've been mean in front of the others, so Niall had pulled him to the kitchen where his mum was attempting to clean up.

"Um, I don't know, honey. I hope you won't be asleep until then, he wanted to wish you a happy birthday." Niall doubted it.

"Okay, but umm… mum can I… " For a second, he nearly chickened out, he had no idea why he was so scared to ask, Liam was right next to him and usually he was calm in Liam's presence. "Can I sleep over at Liam's place?"

"Oh." That had her stopping, Niall biting his bottom lip, moving closer to Liam, feeling guilty for planning on not saying anything about the treehouse because he was scared she might find it too dangerous. "Well, are your parents okay with this, Liam? We should maybe call them first."

"No, they're okay with it, I already asked before. And my mum said Niall can come over whenever he wants to." He was smiling, not at Niall this time but his mum, but Niall was sure that the way he spoke could convince anyone to do anything.

"Well, then…" Somehow Niall wasn't sure if his mum was sad or not, but when he decided that she definitely was, she started smiling, wiping her hands dry before coming over to kiss Niall's head. "Be good then. You have to tell me when I have to pick you up tomorrow, okay?"

"I can also walk Niall home, or bring him with my bike." That option sounded a lot more tempting than a plain and boring car ride.

Niall's mum laughed at that, touching Liam's shoulder shortly. "Thank you, Liam. And tell your mother too, yeah?"

"Of course, Mrs. Horan. Thanks for the cake again." Maybe not even Niall was that polite, he was pretty sure Liam just said those things because he truly meant them, because he just was this way, and he couldn't help but kind of admire the slightly older boy.

"No problem at all, I'm so glad Niall has found such good friends so quickly." And after kissing Niall's forehead one more time, making him blush terribly at saying that he loved her too, Niall was finally allowed to drag Liam off to his room to stuff some things into his backpack before they yelled a last goodbye, walking outside to where Liam had put his bike.

The street lanterns were already on though it wasn't that dark yet, otherwise Liam wouldn't have been allowed to come by himself anyway, but he really only lived about ten minutes away from Niall. As if it was meant to be. "Okay, maybe we should put your backpack on the rack and you sit on the handle. To keep the balance, you know."

Niall only nodded, he had no idea about balance, but he just decided to go along with it and trust Liam. Besides, he had sat on the handle of Liam's bike once before and it was better than sitting behind him because he could actually see where they were going and well… he could rest his head on Liam's shoulder too. "Okay."

It took a few tries to lift himself up, Liam giggling quietly but doing his best to help Niall and five minutes later, they were already going down the road as if they had done this a million times before. "I haven't been to a birthday party for years."

Liam suddenly speaking up, breaking through the peaceful silence of only a few cars and birds chirping, Niall became hyper aware of how close they were, Liam's mouth was just above his hear. "Why not?"

"No one invited me I guess. And for my birthday my parents always just invite my relatives, it's not really a party I guess, they all just sit around and talk. So thanks for inviting me, Ni." There was something special about Liam calling him that, even though Niall was kinda more distracted by everything else he had said, it made him sad kinda.

"Thank you for coming. It wouldn't have been good without you." If he hadn't, then Niall would've spent the whole day thinking about Liam and the last time they had hung out. It was something he had come used to doing during the past few days, he didn't even know why he found Liam so great but he just did.

"Don't say that." But the smile in Liam's voice was pretty obvious, making Niall smile too as he watched the houses pass by on the side of the road, knowing the way a little bit by now. He had been to Liam's place a few days ago and they had walked the neighbor's dog, it had been awesome, everything was awesome with Liam.

For a while, Niall just listened to Liam's breathing, feeling excitement bubble up again because of sleeping in the treehouse, fine, maybe he was a bit scared too, but Liam was there after all, wasn't he?

"I think we beat a record, we were really fast!" As soon as Niall had hopped off, he turned to watch Liam laughing, grinning without even planning on.

"We should keep track of the times, we're really good at this now, the first time, I nearly fell off twice." Which was when he had just gripped Liam tighter then, for safety reasons.

"I know, it used to be hard, but now it almost feels weird when you're not there." The fact that Liam meant it caused Niall to feel warm, he was just about to go for his backpack when he realized that Liam had already slung it over his shoulder. "It's okay, I can carry it. It's your birthday after all."

"Oh. Okay, thank you." Why exactly was this making Niall feel so jumpy and giddy? Sure, he had been this way all day long, but every time Liam showed him that he liked him, it was special, he never got used to it or even expected it.

"Okay, so the plan is…" Liam started, pulling his keys out after some fumbling in his pockets. "We change and then we just get some stuff and go up to the treehouse before it's really dark, okay? Because it'll be harder to climb when we don't see anything."

"Sounds good." At this point, Niall would've agreed no matter what, he was just happy, enjoying the fact that he already knew what Liam's house looked like before entering it.

It took a while until Liam had found his mum to tell her that they were here and what they were up to, she seemed a little absent to Niall, but Liam later explained that his mum was currently writing a book and that they had gone in on her working on it.

Liam also had two sisters, but one of them was already at college and the other was sleeping over at a friend's house, Niall had only seen her briefly a few days ago. Also Liam's dad, but he had seemed really nice, he had told Liam something about a movie they had watched together, a feeling of jealousy settling in Niall's stomach that he quickly pushed away a second later.

So tonight, it was only Liam, Niall and Liam's mum in the house, making them feel really grown up for putting on hoodies out of their own will because it might get cold outside. Liam also got so many cookies that Niall almost wished he hadn't eaten any cake before, not that that would stop him from eating even more.

When they were all dressed in sweatpants, Liam took the flashlight from his room before stepping out into the garden, looking excited as he turned to Niall following behind, trying hard not to drop any cookie boxes. "It's gonna be ace, it's a bit creepy maybe, but nothing can happen, we just pull the ladder up, okay?"

"Okay, but I'm not scared." Maybe saying that made it even more obvious that actually, Niall was a tiny bit scared as soon as they left the garden, and it wasn't even fully dark yet.

"I just meant, if you _were_ , then it's alright." Of course Liam knew, but he didn't say a word, just looked back at Niall over his shoulder before missing one step so they could walk next to each other, wrapping his arm around the younger boy.

The way was really short, something Niall wasn't glad over anymore, because it meant Liam let go of him, telling him to give him some cookies and stuff the others into his pockets so he'd have his hands free to climb. It hadn't occurred to Niall before, so like many times before, Niall felt like Liam was a lot older than him in reality, and then thinking about it, being able to call him his friend seemed even better.

"Go up before me, okay?" Blushing, Niall nodded, he must've looked behind him into the forrest a few times too often, probably making Liam realize how paranoid he was about something being there without him noticing, or going up the ladder after him. Deep down, Niall sometimes wished he could still sleep with a light on at home, nothing he'd ever admit but it was true nevertheless, he just wanted to act brave in front of Liam though.

When they finally reached the treehouse, Niall started feeling a little better, he made sure to untangle all the blankets and pillows while Liam lifted the ladder up a bit, not all the way because that would've been impossible, fixing it somewhere Niall couldn't really see before crawling back to him on all four. "I guess now is the right time to tell you that someone was once murdered up here."

"What?!" Niall nearly dropped the cookie he had been holding, eyes nearly popping out as he watched Liam staying all serious for a few second before starting to laugh.

"I'm just kidding, Ni, I didn't think you'd believe me." Still chuckling, he took another blanket, sitting down next to Niall with his back leaned against some pillows.

"That's not nice!" He elbowed Liam, secretly too relieved as to really be mad, quickly shoving two more cookies as a whole into his mouth, watching the trees in front of them for as long as he could still see them.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. You know, even if someone was killed up here then that wouldn't mean anything would happen to us." Since Niall had no idea why Liam kept going on with scaring him unintentionally, he decided to move closer to the other boy, starting slowly, better now than later when it was pitch black and his intentions were obvious. "Unless there's some ghost of-"

"Liam! What kinda movies are you watching?!" Once again, Liam was laughing, reaching into Niall's lap where all the cookies were.

"I'm not even allowed to watch a lot of movies, I was just saying. It'll be fine, I'll protect you, Ni." Though it probably was a joke, Niall felt warmth spreading in his stomach, suddenly a lot calmer at the thought of Liam protecting him, if it came down to it, he probably really would.

Moving a few centimeters closer again and fighting the urge to wrap his arms around Liam, Niall pretended to be pouting now, just letting out a huff before shoving more cookies into his mouth just to distract himself from how quickly all the light had vanished. If he hadn't felt Liam next to him, he might have already been crying, on his _birthday_.

"You mad at me?" Yes, Niall wanted to say, but he couldn't because having crumbs falling out of his mouth would only add up to the embarrassment he already felt from having chills all up his arms. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."

Surprised by the tone of his voice, Niall moved his head to look at Liam, glad that his eyes had adjusted to the darkness so he could see the other boy's face, only a few centimeters away because of Niall moving so close. "I'm not mad."

"Okay." It sounded relieved, then suddenly, Liam moved his arm around Niall's shoulders again, smiling into almost complete darkness. "I'd never wanna make you mad on purpose, Ni, I'm so glad you moved here, you know? And I like hanging out with Zayn and Harry a lot too, but I like when we do stuff, just me and you."

"Really?" This had just been a summary of what Niall had been thinking about as well, he couldn't actually believe that Liam was feeling the exact same way, this was so great!

"Yeah. I'm really happy we're friends and that you're here with me now, you're actually the first one I let up here besides my sisters." Hearing this made Niall's chest swell with pride, god, he felt so lucky right now he couldn't believe it, the fact that Liam would choose him over the others, that they had things just for themselves, it's something Niall hadn't had before. Sure, he had a lot of friends back in Ireland, but they were all friends with each other too, so this was different, but it felt good. Really good.

"Thank you, Li. I really like when we spend time alone too. And that we're friends, feels like it's been longer than a few days." They had spent a lot of time with each other though, plus they had played the question game a few more times so Niall was proud to say he knew a lot about Liam already.

"Yeah, that's true…" Overwhelmed by a sudden rush of tiredness, Niall let his head drop onto Liam's shoulder, suppressing a yaw when he felt Liam's fingers playing with his hoodie, not moving away from him but rather resting his head on top of Niall's.

They didn't say anything for a bit, Niall wasn't so scared anymore, he just felt a little uneasy whenever he heard a strange noise, but Liam was there and that was more calming than anything else could've been.

"Hey, Ni… can I ask you something?" It was only a whisper now, maybe Liam thought Niall had slept in like this, he pulled the blanket a bit higher, shifting to bring them even closer together, Liam still holding him.

"Yeah, what?" He had no idea what it might be, but he'd answer Liam anything, he completely trusted him, Liam would never tell a secret, just like Niall wouldn't do either.

"I just… was thinking about when… when I found you up here and… are you okay? At home, I mean…" Oh, so that was it, the memory wasn't really a nice feeling but the fact that Liam was worrying so much about Niall made up for it, he didn't even freeze for a second.

"Yeah, I'm good. My dad hardly comes home, he works a lot, and when he's there instead of mum we ignore each other mostly. He's not gonna do it again, it was just one time." No idea how often he had already repeated that, but it was true, maybe his dad really felt guilty and just didn't wanna apologize to Niall.

"Okay, you know… if anything ever happens, you can come talk to me, I won't tell anybody, I promise. No matter what it is, okay? I'll try and help." Niall had told Liam the same, a few days back when those stupid boys from their class had called him names again and Niall had once again told them to be quiet, but still noticing how down Liam was because of it. It bothered him, that he couldn't do anything else other than offer that he'd be there.

"Thank you, Li… actually, can I ask you for a favor?" Feeling dangerously brave, Niall almost laughed at himself for being such a coward.

"Yeah, what is it?" Liam probably expected something more serious now, he couldn't see Niall's face though because he still had his head on the other boy's shoulder, enjoying the warmth too much as to move.

"Can I sleep under your blanket too?" Embarrassing enough, Niall had figured out that he was already sitting as close as somehow possible without falling into Liam's lap, but he still felt a bit uneasy, too far away from the other boy.

There was only a moment of hesitation, then Liam started moving, his voice soft. "Yeah, of course."

And that's what they did, Niall wasn't even sure anymore whether it was his pillow or Liam's chest he rested his head on as he fell asleep an hour later, in the middle of the whispered conversation, thinking that none of his birthdays had ever ended this wonderful.

It might take a little more time before he'd tell Liam, but for him, the other boy had already officially become his best friend.


	2. 11 years ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was just kidding about only updating once a week.

————— 11 years ago————— 

_"Dad, where are we driving?" Niall was confused, because his dad had just shown up, in the middle of class, telling his teacher he had to take Niall somewhere. There was no denying that Niall had instantly looked across the room to Liam, as if the other boy could help him._

_"There's something… something we have to talk about, Niall." He gripped the steering wheel tighter, an expression on his face that Niall had never seen on him before. It scared him._

_"About what?" Snowflakes were falling down outside the window, it was december, Niall's second december since he had moved here, only two more days until Christmas break._

_"About your mother." And when his dad said that, Niall immediately felt like he had been punched into the stomach, now he didn't dare to look away from his dad's face anymore._

_"Where is she?" Niall heard himself ask, not knowing whether he wanted to know the answer to that. The look he got for that told him that he didn't._

_"Look, there's a reason we moved here, it wasn't because of my job, Niall. And as for your mother… she hasn't been working for a long time either. Since years, actually." What?_

_"Then where has she been? Why did we move here then? Dad?!" If they hadn't been driving the street this fast, with a lot of other cars passing by, Niall would've considered jumping out, he thought his dad had gone insane._

_"Your mother, she… she's been sick for a while and… the treatment here is better than anywhere else we could've afford to move to. She's been to a lot of therapies and doctors." Hearing this, knowing that it couldn't just be some sick joke almost made Niall throw up right there, but he kept it together, forcing himself to ask one more time._

_"Where is she?"_

_A moment of silence. "She's dead, Niall. She died a few hours ago in hospital."_

 

Niall woke up with a gasp, breathing heavily, with sweat covering his forehead and for a few seconds, he thought of it as just a nightmare, a damn realistic one. But no, it had been a memory, one that had shown up in his dreams far too often in the past three years. The memory of the day when his whole world had come crashing down.

There had been no tears at first, when his dad had explained the whole story, how they had known about the cancer for a long time, how she had refused to take any of the things she was supposed to, so she could be there for Niall.

After spending an hour at the hospital, realizing that all of this was _real_ that it was happening, that she was _dead_ , Niall had run away once again, this time to get on a bus to get to Liam, the only person Niall wanted to see right now, because Liam had always been there for him, even since they had met.

Coming home only the next day after falling asleep while crying into Liam's shirt for the whole night, his dad had slapped Niall for the second time in his life and from there on, he seemed to have become fond of it.

Niall rubbed his palms across his face, trying to calm down a little, not crying this time because after experiencing this so often, he felt like he would become immune to it at some point.

His phone read 7:50 am, ten minutes before he would've had to wake up anyway, only now, he'd have to shower before going to school, he could use the few extra minutes. 

There were also some messages, one of Harry telling him not to piss his pants because of something Niall had forgotten and then another one of Liam that made all the bad thoughts and memories completely disappear, even if it was just for a brief second. _Woke up early again, good morning! I'll be there at 8:30 :) x_

They always rode their bikes to school together, well, actually, Liam's bikes, because he had given his old one to Niall since Niall was smaller anyway and Liam had gotten a new one a year ago. Seeing as things were at home right now, Niall was surprised every day again over the fact that he even had a phone. 

A little more motivated now after reading the message, Niall quickly gathered some clothes in his arms before locking himself into the bathroom, trying to be quick so he could have some breakfast before Liam came around.

It was the end of September, not too long since Niall had turned 14 and the new school year had started, his last year in middle school. Actually, it wasn't that much of a drama because where he lived, you didn't really have a choice with the high school you went to, so seeing as it was, he'd be together with all the same people again. Not that he cared that much, if he was just with Liam it was fine. Maybe Zayn and Harry too.

As soon as Niall was done, he locked up the house behind him, relieved to see that his dad must've left already a while ago because the car was gone. Sometimes he was still there before Niall went to school, and then he used the chance to yell at Niall and drag him down even before the day had really started. 

Sitting on the last step that lead to the front door, Niall closed his eyes for a second as he felt the sun shine into his face, it was warm considering the fact that it was almost october, but not too hot, Niall loved that, he'd have to ask Liam to go drive their bikes down to the creek before it would freeze again. 

"Ni." The voice came out of nowhere, Niall had to blink a few times, realizing he must've gotten lost in thoughts while waiting, because he sure as hell must've heard Liam stopping his bike just three meters away.

"Hey." They both started smiling almost the same second, Niall jumping up, not wasting any time before taking those few steps and throwing his arms around the other boy, burying his face in his shoulder for a minute. 

"You good?" Liam asked quietly, hugging back just as tight, one hand slowly rubbing Niall's back. He always did that, always asked if Niall was alright and immediately noticing whenever he was not.

"Yeah, I'm good. And you?" Niall didn't wanna let go just yet, they did stuff like this a lot, well aware what the word in school was, that they had a thing for each other or whatever. It's not that they got called names or anything, a lot of those people that used to make fun of Liam had gone to another school or moved away, just sometimes there were a few comments. Not anything to get upset over though, sometimes they even came from Harry, in a joking way of course. Or maybe not all the time.

"Me too. Well, except for when I woke up at 5 and couldn't fall asleep anymore. Maybe it's good that I'm tired though, I doubt I'd be able to sleep in a tent if I'm fully rested." At the mentioning of this, Niall pulled back abruptly so that Liam's hands were still remaining on his hips as confusion spread in his face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Niall tried to pull away, get to his bike and drop it, but of course, Liam held on, too tight for Niall to escape, he quickly looked down instead.

"Tell me." It sounded strict, so Niall gave in without any protest, actually, he hadn't intended to keep it in for the whole day anyways, better say it now.

"I don't wanna go." Apparently, since it was their last year in this school, their teachers had found it funny to arrange a fucking camping trip, only one night sleeping in tents, but _still_ , that was worse enough.

Just a few years back, Niall would've been excited, more than anything, simply because he used to get excited about pretty much everything. And he still did, but not so much anymore, he also wasn't so eager anymore to be friends with everyone, he just needed Liam. And Zayn and Harry and that was it. Things had changed a bit ever since his mum had died.

"Why not?" Liam's voice was softer now, he pulled Niall in closer again until he gave in and rested his cheek on Liam's shoulder, lightly wrapping his arms around the older boy.

"I just don't. It's stupid and camping sucks." It sounded very childish, Niall knew that, there was a reason for it though, one that he didn't wanna say out loud so he wouldn't sound whiny.

"Have you ever been camping?" They were running late now if this carried on, Niall made attempts to pull away softly, only to be held tighter against Liam, secretly though, he enjoyed it.

"I've been a Boy Scout when I was younger, Liam, of course I've been camping." And THAT time had actually been fun. Actually, every time had been, he should probably just tell Liam, it was _Liam_ after all, the most important person to him in the whole world. "When I went last time, I was eight and it was with my mum."

Maybe that's why he had had the dream that night, because he had been beating himself up over this camping trip for a whole while now without telling Liam or anybody else. Or maybe he had just had it because he never went a full month without. 

The arms around him tightened, so much that no space was left in between their bodies, it felt good right now to be held. "You want us to stay home? We can watch some movies, sleep at my place."

That's why, why Niall loved Liam so much that it hurt, because that boy could always make him smile with his way to put Niall in front of everything and everyone, Niall had no idea where he'd be without Liam. "It's okay, Li, but I appreciate it." 

Then he pulled away, feeling a lot better than before as he kissed Liam's cheek shortly, something he was used to doing by now because Liam did the same thing, though he mostly chose Niall's forehead. "I wouldn't mind at all."

"I know." Niall said, completely letting go now and softly taking Liam's hands off his hips so that he could go and get his backpack. "It'll be okay, I'm sure."

The offer had been more than tempting, even though they slept at each other's houses all the time anyway, it was something Niall wished they could do every night. It was easier to sleep when Liam was there, after the thing with his mum, they had done it a lot, especially when Niall had started to get those stupid anxiety attacks, it was better now, but he'd forever live with the fear that it all came back again. 

But still, admitting to his best friend that he didn't wanna go was somewhat easy, but he didn't want everyone to know or come up with some other excuse, he really had no choice but to go. 

"Don't be worried, Ni, I'm there, yeah? And Zayn and Harry. It'll be fun, we'll have a laugh." Niall threw a smile at Liam over his shoulder as he went to get his bike, not quite sure about the amount of fun he'd have on that trip, he'd still have one whole night to figure that out though, they'd only go tomorrow.

Usually, they were only going slow, because they had half an hour to get to school, but today they hurried up a bit more, after hugging for too long, that'd be a story the people at school would love to sink their teeth in. Niall's favorite rumor about him and Liam was the one where they had lost their virginity to each other in the back row of the cinema when they had been 13, he'd pay money to find out who had come up with that crap.

"Can I copy your homework? I forgot again." There were about five minutes left until their teacher would come and they were still busy locking up their bikes when it hit Niall what exactly he had forgotten to do last night. Stupid maths. 

"Sure thing, I kinda knew you'd forget, I wrote extra neat this time, just for you." Liam winked as they hurried up the stairs, hardly meeting anyone out here now, everyone was already in their classrooms. 

"I think I might be in love with you." Niall joked, but he really was thankful, he would've hugged Liam again if they hadn't had to half jog down the hallway. 

"Better not say that out loud later." They did that sometimes though, pretend that they really were a couple when people kept staring, it was fun, but just jokes anyway so Niall put up the saddest face he possibly could, trying not to bump into anything because of how much they had to hurry up.

"Are you denying me, Liam?" It was supposed to sound mad, but Liam was just chuckling, poking Niall's side while walking to make him laugh as well.

"Come on, you dork, we're running late, I'm afraid your love confessions have to wait." Then he started half running, yelling something to Niall that sounded a lot like 'Try and beat me', and Niall not wanting to give up without trying started running too, even though it were only a few meters left and he would never beat Liam.

The thing was, Liam already had the handle pushed down as Niall arrived, not stopping soon enough and crushing into Liam just as he opened the door. And well, they stumbled into class like that, laughing, half out of breath, Niall holding onto Liam's shirt so he wouldn't fall, making it look like it had been completely out of place before.

And then the worst part, everyone, even their teacher, was already there. 

"Oops." Was all that escaped Niall, practically feeling new rumors being made up, but he was still too giggly to stay serious, slowly letting go of Liam who seemed to have much of the same problem as he tried to straighten out his clothes.

"Sorry, sir." At least Liam tried to be serious, tweaking Niall's arm slightly when the younger one was about to have another giggle fit.

"And where have you two been if I may ask?" Luckily the teacher they had for this class wasn't very likely to give them extra homework or detention, they were just a few minutes late anyways.

Niall was about to tell him that he had overslept when he was cut off by some kid after only one word. "I don't think we wanna hear where they have been, sir, please don't ask." 

Everyone started laughing, Liam and Niall included, because it was so _ridiculous_ to think that even if they were dating, why would they do stuff like this before first period?! "Alright, alright, just sit down and be quiet everyone!" 

While half stumbling to his seat, Niall suddenly noticed something odd about their classroom, there was some boy he had never seen before, standing there in the front, looking pretty comfortable for knowing no one. A new kid?

"I hope you used protection." Harry whispered as Niall slid into his seat between him and Liam, resisting the urge to roll his eyes and rather winking at the other boy. 

"Feels better without." And before Zayn could complain about him going too far, they were all shushed again by their teacher who seemed very close to losing his nerves.

"Okay, now keep quiet. As I wanted to say before Liam and Niall stumbled inside, this is your new classmate, Louis Tomlinson. He moved here from Doncaster and there were troubles with the flights so that's why he only got here today. I expect you all to make him feel welcome. Louis, there's a seat free next to Liam. You might have guessed who that is." Giggles again, that Louis guy laughed as well, he looked pretty confident for his first day as he made his way to the seat next to Liam.

And the second he sat down, smiling at Liam, something inside Niall just bursted and he finally realized why he had nearly broken his pencil when the teacher had finished. He didn't want Louis to sit next to Liam, or _smile_ at Liam, or do as much as look at him, it's not that he was jealous, he just didn't want it, no reason needed.

"He looks pretty good, huh?" Harry suddenly whispered into Niall's ear, who had been trying to burn a whole into Louis' head with his eyes as he asked Liam for a pen. 

Niall didn't answer, finally moving his eyes off of the new kid and staring at a random page in his book instead while Harry kept staring every few seconds and Liam, well Liam seemed to find everything this Louis said to be funny, he hardly even noticed Niall next to him. Which was fine because they usually payed attention in this class in particular and didn't talk too much, but why was he talking to Louis then, who he had met literally ten minutes ago?! 

The whole period was like hell to Niall, but it got even worse when in the next break suddenly everyone came to talk to Louis, and guess what, he turned out to actually have funny jokes, no really, Niall had to bite the inside of his cheek to not laugh along because he was trying to be mad. Who did he think he was, making Liam laugh one billion times in only half an hour?!

"… but it's really nice here, actually, I'm not too mad that we moved, my parents also considered Ireland, I wouldn't have understood just one word there." Louis was shaking his head, completely unaware to Niall glaring even worse now, not even fully realizing when Liam turned around to face him, smile on his lips.

"Oh, Louis, Niall's from Ireland, I would've rather not said that, he's pretty proud to be from there, aren't you Niall?" Why did Liam have to ask so stupid, he _knew_ that.

"Yeah, right." Niall grumbled, trying to sound somewhat normal and not look like he was seconds from slapping a few people in the face. 

"See? I didn't understand a single word he just said." Maybe it was a joke, maybe not, but as soon as Louis was done making fun of Niall's accent, everyone was laughing, well, except for Zayn, but Zayn was listening to his iPod a seat away.

"Oh, you'll get used to it, don't worry. You should sit with us at lunch." Now Niall was to get USED to?! Was Liam freaking insane inviting random people to sit with them?!

"You should!" Harry agreed, eagerly trying to take part in the conversation as well, he was actually sitting on Liam's table now, so obviously making heart eyes at this boy that Niall wanted to throw up. 

Instead, he quickly got up, mumbling something into the air, not as if anyone was paying attention. "I'm going to the bathroom…"

And that's exactly what Niall did, for the rest of the break, he just stayed there, trying to calm down, get over himself. There was no reason for him to act this way, Liam wasn't his property, everyone could talk to him, it's just that up in his head, Liam was _his_ only, as weird as it sounded, as childish and weird, but he couldn't help it. 

When Niall got back just shortly before their teacher came, Liam at least turned in his seat as his friend plopped down next to him, not looking up though, he was scared that Liam could read everything in his face by just throwing one glance at him. "Where've you been?"

"The bathroom, I told you." Well, he had at least attempted to.

"Oh… I didn't hear you." Because you were talking to _Louis_ , Niall wanted to snap, he just shrugged instead, and speaking of the devil…

"Told you, irish accents man, impossible." It was the first time that Niall met Louis' eyes, on accident this time, the other boy was smiling, not in any way as if he was trying to insult Niall, but he had done it anyway, unintentionally as it seemed like.

"Mhm." And Niall pretty much gave himself away like this, quickly digging through his backpack as he felt Liam's hand on his back that he couldn't shake off without openly showing just how upset he was. 

"Ni, you okay?" Liam had lowered his voice, for only Niall to hear, besides, that Louis boy was talking to someone else now even if he still remained seated next to Liam to Niall's displeasure.

"Yeah. Just thinking." About whether he'd get away with murder in school if he had a good enough reason.

Before Liam could ask about what, the next period started, with all that was left being that worried expression on Liam's face as he watched Niall for a bit without ever getting as much as a single look back. 

 

————

 

Louis did sit with them at lunch, even Zayn liked him, it was as if he had always been there, making them all laugh, well except for Niall, who still refused to answer any of Liam's question, always saying that he was just tired. What else should he have said? Stop talking to the dude you met three hours ago because I'm fucking jealous? That'd be psycho.

Niall's breaking point kinda was when Liam told Louis he could have the rest of his fries because he had forgotten his money at home, and SURE, that was a nice gesture, but he always gave Niall his left overs and nobody else! 

"Niall?" Harry noticing the tears welling up in Niall's eyes clearly was his hint to get up and leave before they spilled over and he couldn't make up some story anymore about how he had suddenly gotten really sick.

Without saying a word or acknowledging Harry talking to him, Niall just got up and straight shoved his way through people, not knowing where in particular he was headed to, just out of this hall filled with people. Filled with Louis Tomlinson and his stupid jokes. 

For a few minutes, Niall was 100% sure that no one would come after him, why would they right, but he didn't even come far enough to fully get out out sight of the lunch hall when someone grabbed his wrist, forcing him to stop. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." He didn't have to turn to know it was Liam, he knew him by his voice, even the way that his fingers were curled around Niall. 

"Of course it is, why'd you just get up and leave? You've been acting weird all day long, look at me." Liam pulled, getting Niall to give in pretty easily, not caring anymore about what Liam saw or didn't see. "Is it still the camping?"

"No, but thanks for the reminder." Now he really considered staying home, he couldn't survive a whole trip with Liam spending it with someone else and Niall having to watch.

"Talk to me." It sounded quite desperate, but Niall just shrugged, looking down as Liam slowly let go of his wrist, carefully wrapping his arm around Niall's waist instead, pulling him in closer, free hand coming up to try and lift Niall's chin without success. "Niall. It's not about Louis, or is it?"

Shrugging barely noticeable, Liam let out a groan, a really annoyed one to top it off, one that made Niall feel impossibly worse. Why'd he ask if he didn't wanna know?

"Ni, you know he's not really making fun of your accent , right? He thought it was funny, it wasn't really, but he wasn't trying to be mean. We all understand you perfectly, him included." Who cared if Louis understood him?!

"I don't care if he doesn't get a word I'm saying." Niall snapped, trying to move away but Liam was holding on tight all of a sudden, not allowing him to leave. "Let go."

"Niall, will you just look at me and tell me what the problem is, please?" That got Niall even more worked up, didn't Liam even realize what he was doing, how would he feel if Niall ignored him half the day to talk to strangers?

"Why don't you go ask Louis what _his_ problem is, seeing as you two get along so well." With that, there was no need to talk on, the jealousy was clearly coming through, no actually, it was impossible to ignore even if you tried. Niall crossed his arms, lips pressed together as he finally lifted his head, seeing Liam with raised eyebrows, his hand slipping from Niall.

"That's it? You're mad at ME? Because I talked to him?" That didn't sound guilty at all, annoyed, if anything. 

"Don't play it down, you laughed about me with him too, and you invited him to sit with us at lunch, maybe I didn't want him to come, you could've asked me!" The part with the fries suddenly sounded ridiculous, even to Niall, so he swallowed that down, backing away from Liam, because it was hard to be mad when he was so touchy feely.

"I didn't make fun of you with him, Niall, if he had really done that I would've told him to shut up, but it was just a joke, Ni, nothing more. Besides, he was the one talking to me, I can't just not answer because you can't control your jealousy!" Liam was really hard to get mad, but Niall had obviously managed to do it, good thing everyone was off to eat their lunch instead of listening to them.

"I'm not jealous! You know that I'm right anyway, I don't go running around inviting random people to lunch either and ignoring you!" Well, Liam hadn't exactly ignored him, he had actually tried to find out why Niall had fallen so quiet, but he was too disappointed and worked up as to consider that when his tears were on the edge of falling over. 

"I wasn't ignoring you! All I did was talk to him, I'm allowed to do that you know, I'm not your property, pull yourself together, Niall." Those words hit hard, for a moment, Niall felt like he wanted to hurt Liam just the same way, he already opened his mouth, just to close it again, sniffing unwillingly as he turned around, only being able to take about two steps and let a few tears drop before being stopped once more. "No, Niall, I… I didn't mean it like that, I just… "

"It's fine, I get it. I know I'm too clingy, I know you're not mine, sorry, you're probably right." The anger had left as quickly as it had come, now all Niall felt was sadness and helplessness too, because what was he gonna do if Liam really intended to replace him with Louis? Niall had nothing without Liam, he needed him. 

"Niall, look, I really didn't mean it, okay? And I'm sorry if I hurt you, I didn't mean to, you know that you're my best friend. I was just talking to him because it's his first day and he asked me things, besides, I think Harry is a bit more fond of him than I will ever be." Slowly letting go of Niall's wrist, Liam wrapped his arms around the other boy's shoulders instead, from behind, not at all minding what it looked like as it seemed to be, he even pressed a kiss into Niall's hair, whispering into his ear. "You know that you're my number one, Ni, you're always gonna be." 

For a second, Niall let himself be cuddled, not doing much besides wiping his tears whenever one spilled over, then out of instinct, he turned around in Liam's arm, hugging him back as tightly as he could, face buried in the other's shoulders. "I'm sorry too. For acting like you're mine." 

His words were muffled, it would have been no surprise if Liam hadn't even heard him, but to Niall's shock, he felt his warm breath on his scalp as Liam laughed a bit while nuzzling his face into Niall's hair. "It's okay, Ni. Who else's would I be?"

"Not Louis'…" No idea why Niall started again, it just slipped out, but at least Liam didn't get mad again, he tightened his arms, sighing a little.

"No, definitely not. I probably shouldn't have asked him to sit with us, he could've literally sat with anyone, but at least Harry was excited over it." Yeah, that was true, it was just, Niall didn't really care right now what anyone else did besides Liam.

"Yeah… do we have to go back though?" Well, if Liam didn't start acting like best buddies with Louis again then Niall would probably survive it, the only question was though, did he want to survive it?

"I'm afraid we have to, our bags are still there. But don't worry, okay, I'm all yours now." Probably a joke but Niall immediately held on tighter, just wanting to get Liam to say that he was indeed Niall's, and not just for now.

"You always are mine." Niall's possessive side just came through without him being able to do anything, he was very well aware that he had just apologized for being too clingy and for getting jealous too easily yet here he was nearly squishing Liam against him while saying those things. 

"I am." Liam agreed after a while, almost causing Niall to breathe out in relief when he continued. "But Niall, just because I talk to someone else, it doesn't mean that I like you any less, or that I would replace you, you're my best friend, always. And you're mine just as much as the other way around, I'm always gonna be here, I told you that so many times and I don't break promises, you know that too." 

"I just don't wanna lose you." That was all Niall could think of saying because it was the truth, it summed up everything he was afraid of. He had lost a lot of people, in different ways, and Liam was the only constant, he couldn't dare someone taking him away and yeah, given the circumstances, Niall had changed, but Liam had been by his side the past few years, helping him through. It was no wonder really that Niall was so possessive over him. 

"You're not. Never, okay? Come here, look." Unwillingly, Niall let Liam pull away from him, one arm remaining around his waist while the other went for his hand, pulling it up so they could see it when Liam placed his wrist next to Niall's. "See? I didn't give you that for nothing."

After giving Niall a wristband to protect him for his 10th birthday, Liam had given him another one as well, after the thing with his mum had happened and Niall had completely lost track for what seemed to be weeks, trying to push Liam away because of how scared he was that he was gonna lose him as well in the end. But Liam stayed, which was quite remarkable, they had only been 11 yet he had gotten him and Niall those wristbands, matching ones, to remind him that they always had each other no matter what happened. 

"And we'll get it get it tattooed when we're 18, like I promised, okay?" Niall just nodded, letting his hand sink again, feeling a tad embarrassed now for making such a scene when Liam was being so sweet to him all the time. The promise with the tattoos had turned out as not really serious at first, but it had been a few years now and they still held onto it, not quite knowing what they were gonna get, but they still had 4 years to figure that out. "Okay, you ready to go back?"

"I guess. Thank you, Li…" The lips against his forehead were warm, staying a bit longer than usual before Liam's arm around his shoulders pulled him in closer.

"Anything for you, Ni." There were quite a few stares then as they walked back, Niall couldn't have cared less though, he was really way past the point of getting anyone to like him, holding onto Liam's waist as tightly as he could without hurting the other boy.

"What's taken you guys so long? You okay, Nialler?" Zayn seemed to be quite fed up with Louis and Harry by now, they were having some discussion, interrupting when Niall and Liam sat back down though. So close that they would have only needed space for one. 

"I'm fine, I just felt a bit sick." He still didn't like lying but it was just necessary, plus he got Liam squeezing him tightly afterwards, pulling a little until Niall leaned his elbow on Liam's thigh, receiving a small kiss on his temple.

"Oh, wait." Louis jumped in, for the first time looking as if he had been brought out of his concept. "Are you guys dating?"

"No. And in case you're wondering, we also didn't start making out when we were eleven years old." Another rumor, it never seemed to end, by now Liam and Niall were just laughing about them, really, at some point it was getting ridiculous. "And whatever else you might hear, it's not true."

"Still," Harry threw in, sitting up to catch Louis' attention. "Don't flirt with Liam again or Niall's gonna go all angry baby penguin on you." Actually, it had sounded more like 'don't flirt with Liam again, flirt with me instead', but it was the last part that had Niall speaking up.

Or attempting to. "I'm not a-"

"Hey woah." A little pissed because of what Harry had said about him and Liam chuckling into his ear now, Niall was very relieved when Louis interrupted, obviously having no idea what was going on. "I wasn't flirting with anyone, I always am like this, sorry, but um, Liam… you're not exactly, uh, my type."

"Thanks, you're not a panty dropper yourself." But Liam was just laughing anyway, as the only one he seemed to be highly amused by all of this and finally Niall relaxed a bit as he felt his best friend's other arm wrap around him as well, holding him tight. 

"Well, that's to be discussed, Liam, opinions differ." Obviously Harry was getting brave now, not that Louis really reacted, he obviously decided to take all of this as a joke as well, suddenly slapping Zayn's shoulder completely out of context. 

"I think we should talk about something else before Zayn gets up. I didn't intend to come here and make people leave one after another." Finally, something out of his mouth that Niall found somewhat smart, their eyes locked again over the table and suddenly he was pretty sure Louis knew exactly why Niall had just thrown a fit outside.

"I'm fine, they're always like this, even before you came. But if you wanna change the topic, I'm in." Apparently Harry was too, he probably was still stuck being bothered by Louis saying 'I wasn't flirting with anyone', but leaned forward anyway, so he wouldn't miss Louis' answer apparently. As if that was possible, ten centimeters between them. 

"Alright, so, there's something I wanted to ask you guys that the headmaster told me before. What the hell are we going on a camping trip for tomorrow?" No.

"God." Niall groaned loudly before anyone could answer, deciding not to take any part anymore, he just slipped, lying down on the bench completely, with his head in the crook of Liam's arm, the other one wrapping around his stomach not a second later. 

"Did I say anything wrong?" A whole bunch, Niall thought, but he just grunted, closing his eyes as he felt Liam brushing through his hair while chuckling a bit.

"He's fine, don't worry." Not yet, Niall decided before shoving his hand under Liam's on his stomach, sighing contently as he felt a thumb rubbing circles into his skin. He'd just block them all out and concentrate on Liam, that was a good plan.

 

————

 

It was obnoxiously quiet when Niall came home that night, it was late already, about half past ten, but he couldn't even remember a time when he had had a bedtime actually. Not that anyone would've checked though. 

After lunch break everything had gotten a lot better, Liam had been all over Niall, showering him with love and dragging him over to his house after school. Even though dragging was probably the wrong word, Niall had agreed a little too eagerly maybe.

But now that he was finally home, only because he had to pack though, otherwise he would've slept over at Liam's place, he kinda regretted his decision about ten seconds after kicking his shoes off.

There definitely was light, coming from the living room as he walked further into the house, the TV was on and Niall thought his dad had probably fallen asleep watching, but then the smell hit him and he almost was out of the front door again. Too late. "Niall, is that you?"

"Yeah." He tried to stay calm even though he heard the slur in his dad's voice, doing the only natural thing he could think of, which was going into the kitchen to get something to drink maybe, hoping he'd be left alone.

But not tonight obviously.

"Where've you been?" His dad looked horrible, but not worse than he usually did anyways when he wasn't going to work, he had started drinking half a year after Niall's mum had died, and he had never stopped again.

Seeing him now leaning in the doorframe with red shot eyes and an angry face sent shivers down Niall's spine but he tried to stay brave as he filled a glass of water, pretending to just being thirsty before answering. "At a friend's house."

"What, _you_ have friends?" The laugh was so loud it hurt Niall's ears slightly, he tried to block it out, about to go past his dad when a too tight grip around his upper arm stopped him from doing so. It was awful standing so close, having the smell of alcohol right up his nose, Niall almost gagged, but instead, he made sure to look completely expressionless. Everything else upset his dad, or provoked him, whatever it was, the outcome would be bruises. "Listen here, you're what, fourteen? You don't go around at night as you please, you hear me? Maybe your mother would've allowed this but I don't, there are rules here, you get it?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry." It sounded almost robotic, they had had this conversation a lot of times, only when his dad was drunk though, when he was sober, he mostly ignored Niall and din't care if he even came home at all. Shit, he should've borrowed some stuff from Liam and stayed with him.

"Don't start with that bullshit, I know you're not sorry, you little fuck!" Now that the screaming started, Niall couldn't help but trying to move his arm away, breathing as little as possible to avoid smelling the alcohol, but it was almost impossible with his dad screaming so close to his face. If only Liam would come, Niall needed him so badly right now. 

"No, I really mean it, I'm sorry, dad. Really." How to make it sound as if he meant it when really, there was nothing in the world he felt less sorry for? "I won't do it again."

"Stop lying straight to my face, you disrespectful shit. I've been so right, we should've given you up for adoption, then maybe your mother would still be alive, if she hadn't wasted all her energy on _you_! I told her!" And there it was again, that one topic Niall couldn't stand at all because he knew it was true, it was, he knew the whole story by now, that his mother had been diagnosed when he had been about 2 years old, that his dad had obviously never really wanted him. And now he was blaming Niall for her death. He was right. 

"Let me go! Let me go or I'll scream, the neighbors will hear, I-"

He was shut up with a punch, not in the face, he never got punched in the face anymore, it was always his stomach or back or sides. This time his lower tummy and Niall crouched down in pain, arms wrapped around himself, tears welling up in his eyes as he sucked in breath, feeling like he had to collapse. "And now you're crying like a girl, look at yourself! I'm so glad when you're finally out of this house and stop crying around, when I finally won't have to look at you anymore." 

Maybe Niall would've said something, if he had had enough breath, but he actually had to lie down on his side now, the dumbest thing he could've done, but it hurt so much, he felt like he'd seriously have to die right here.

"Now answer me when I'm talking to you! Little shit…" His dad muttered, and then completely out of nowhere, he kicked Niall again, not so hard because of how uncoordinated he was, but bad enough to have Niall cry out on pain. "Shut up! I told you, if anyone hears you, you're straight going to that foster home!" 

"N-No, p-please s-stop…" Shielding his head with his arms was the only thing Niall had learned to do, he knew that his dad wouldn't hit him there on purpose, nowhere where someone might see it, but he was out of control. 

"STOP CRYING!" He carried on, despite Niall's pleads to stop that got swallowed by his sobs at some point, maybe he would just die or fall unconscious, that would be a blessing, but every time he thought nothing more would come and he could finally cry on in silence, his dad kicked him yet once again, screaming insults at Niall in between.

When it was over, he just left Niall there, going back to the living or somewhere else, not that Niall really minded or could've checked, he felt like he would never be able to move again.

Of course, that wasn't true, because even though he was on the floor, cringing in pain while holding himself, this hadn't been the worst that had happened yet. One time, his dad had used a belt, and when Liam had found out, he had almost told his mum right then and there if Niall hadn't reminded him of the promise he had given. 

That's why Niall made sure that his best friend didn't see him shirtless anymore under any circumstances, he knew it hurt Liam, that he couldn't help or do anything, and he was scared too, that Liam might tell someone just because he thought it was the best for Niall. But this was still better than being sent away.

After what felt like forever, Niall finally managed to get into a sitting position where he stayed for another half an hour before attempting to get to his feet. It felt like his whole stomach and side was open, maybe his back too, he wasn't sure anymore, literally everything hurt at this point. 

As he locked himself into the bathroom, he couldn't help but break down crying again, out of relief this time, because at least in here he was certain he was safe, maybe just for minutes, but safe nevertheless.

The pain killers usually worked wonders, Niall felt guilty every time he took them though, he wasn't allowed to buy them at his age so he had stolen them from the store down the street. He wouldn't have done it if it hadn't been absolutely necessary, he always gave too much tip whenever he bought something there to make up for it one day. 

Niall was only bleeding a little bit, other than that, his upper body was covered in spots and bruises that would look even nastier tomorrow, but he still went showering, cold, it even was somehow soothing, or maybe it were the pills kicking in. 

There was no sign of his dad as Niall sneaked to his room, allowing himself to breathe out as he locked the door as usual, checking a few more times just to be sure after getting dressed under a lot of tears and complications. 

Packing his stuff for the camping trip was a challenge itself, Niall had no idea anymore whether he should be happy he didn't have to sleep at home or cry because he would have to lie on a hard ground with ten million bruises all over his body. 

Maybe both. 

When he finally got to bed, as careful as possible, it was one o clock in the morning, plus three messages of Liam that soothed the stinging pain in Niall's stomach for a little bit. 

 

_Liam 10:18 pm_

_heyyy, you just walked out the door but i thought i should tell you again that you mean the world to me okay? don't forget that_

_Liam 11:05 pm_

_ni, don't ignore me :(_

_Liam 11:36 pm_

_sleep tight, i'll see you tomorrow, mum said she can drive us, love you lots x_

 

While staring at the messages, Niall suddenly got the urge to call Liam, wait for as long as it took for him to wake up and answer the phone, tell him everything and then beg him to come over and cuddle with Niall the whole night. But for Liam's sake, he couldn't do that, he loved that boy too much, for everything he did, he shouldn't have to carry secrets like that around. 

 

_To Liam 01:06 am_

_sorry :( i'll be ready the same time as usual, thank you! love you too Li, more than anybody else xxx_

 

—————

 

"Are you boys excited?" Liam's mum was apparently more excited than Niall could have ever faked to be, he wasn't only tired but also felt bruised, which he was, but thanks to the pain killers, it all felt pretty dull and he had hugged Liam before without tearing up. "It's such a good idea to go camping, it'll be good for you to get outside, I used to love camping when I was a kid. You did too, Liam, you would always…"

As she went on, Liam and Niall shared a look over the backseat, smiling at each other briefly. They both weren't too happy about this even though Liam made sure to play everything up and talk about how much fun it was gonna be just to cheer Niall up. Deep dow though, no one really wanted to go camping, that's one thing Niall had found out yesterday when he had been half dozing off in Liam's lap in the middle of the lunch hall.

Since they had to go by train for a bit at first, Liam's mum let them get off at the station, kissing both of them on the cheek, luckily out of sight of everyone else before driving off, yelling something through the open window that sounded a lot like 'Liam, give Niall some of that sunscreen, he'll burn up'. 

"Ready?" They hadn't had to bring any tents or sleeping bags, just their own stuff, but even that seemed too heavy for Niall to carry, he felt like he'd have to break down every second step, he didn't want to know what would happen once the pain killers stopped helping. "Ni, you okay?"

"Yeah, just tired, let's go." He managed a hopefully not so shaky smile at Liam, having the other boy wrap his arm loosely around Niall's shoulders after studying his face for a bit. 

A lot of the others were already there waiting while the teachers had trouble trying to count them and find out who was missing. The thing that caught Niall's attention though were three people sitting on a bench and talking as if they were the best friends. Which they were, two of them, but why was Louis there again today?!

"Look…" He mumbled, trying to get Liam's attention by bumping his side with his elbow softly, nodding towards the bench. "I thought everyone found Louis so great, why's he not hanging out with somebody else?"

"Because we're the coolest Niall." Liam laughed at Niall's annoyed face, squeezing him a little. "I have no idea actually. Maybe he was there first and Harry just dragged Zayn over too. Should we sit down with them?"

"I don't know if we have much of a choice actually…" Right after Liam had asked, Zayn had thrown a very helpless glance at them before trying to point his thumb at the other two next to him, making Niall groan internally. "Let's go, I guess."

The arm around his shoulder didn't move when they were almost there, if anything, Liam held Niall even tighter, as if today he was the one trying to make obvious who Niall belonged to. If his ribs hadn't hurt every time when he did as much as just giggle, Niall would've been put in the best mood ever by this.

"Hey, guys, what's up? You wanna sit down?" Zayn was really eager to keep them here as it seemed like, he immediately moved into Harry, maybe to get him to create space. "Louis, Harry, move." 

"What… oh. Hey, guys! Louis can sit with us in the train, right?" Had Niall really expected anything else, let's be honest. He met Louis' eyes once again, just nodding though because he felt pretty brave with Liam's arm around him. 

"Just tell me if you want me to go though, I don't wanna cause any trouble." Louis was really understanding actually, Niall was bothered with himself for thinking something like this, he wanted to hate that boy, but he just couldn't.

"You're good." Niall mostly said it because he wanted to show Liam that he was over it now and he got a smile for that, one that caused his stomach to flip. 

"Sorry, the bench is not bigger." There was only space for one more person and just when Niall sensed his chance for not having to go through the pain and sit down, Liam had already dropped his backpack onto the ground, sitting down next to Zayn before stretching his hands out towards Niall.

"Come here, sit on my lap." First, Niall really didn't want to, on second thought though, why not, he was hurt already and telling Liam no would maybe make him sad. Besides, it's not like Niall didn't normally enjoy this, he hadn't sat on Liam's lap too often, but this wasn't the first time either. 

So he dropped his backpack too, trying his hardest not to change his facial expressions as he sat down, Liam's arms immediately wrapping around his stomach, pulling Niall so he could rest his cheek against just under the back of Niall's neck. It didn't hurt too bad. "Aaaand, we're being stared at. Seriously, guys, it's like you want those rumors to spread." 

"Who knows, Haz, maybe I invented those rumors in the first place." When Liam talked, Niall felt it through his shirt, it wasn't uncomfortable to be sitting like this at all, even if he liked leaning his head back against Liam shoulder as well. Not that those thoughts Niall was having had anything to do with what Liam and Harry were discussing, that was a whole other topic. 

"I'd actually believe you, you know, are you not bothered by this, not in the slightest?" Harry was referring to the group of girls pretending to not be looking at Liam and Niall when really, that's exactly what they were doing. Nothing unusual by now, didn't they get tired of it ever?

"No, I haven't even thought about whether it could even bother me." Then Liam shrugged, which Niall felt pretty well, cheering up a little at hearing this, he was so glad that Liam didn't care about what people were saying because he liked being close to Niall just as much as he other way around.

"That's a good decision." Louis suddenly spoke up, this time, Niall didn't look away again immediately when their eyes met, staring long enough to see Louis smiling at him. Maybe he wasn't that bad after all, if he stayed at this distance from Liam, he could stick around if he wanted to.

They had to wait for good twenty more minutes, not that Niall felt any need to sit up, as soon as Liam leaned back he slipped down a bit so he could rest his head against Liam's shoulder, almost drifting off every few seconds. Liam was comfortable, his arms made Niall feel safe yet his bruises still hurt of course, a few times he almost asked Liam to loosen his grip but never actually spoke up in fear he might get asked questions.

Louis really did stay with them then, he obviously must've found something about one of them if he did, secretly, Niall hoped that it was Harry who kept him there, just because it'd make the other boy really happy. Even though that would leave Zayn a little bit on his own, but it's not like he couldn't handle that, maybe he wouldn't even mind that much. Whatever was going on though, the only thing Niall was certain of was that he wasn't going to share Liam with anybody.

When the train finally started moving, Niall had to yawn for what felt like the twelfth millionth time. He was seated between Liam and the window, not as interested into the scenery outside as in how comfortable Liam's shoulder looked like. "Nialler, maybe you should take a nap, huh?" 

Liam's voice was soft, he reached out for a very sleepy Niall, sorting out his messy hair a little, unnecessarily brushing his cheek too, but Niall was too tired to even blush. "Hmm… maybe…"

"You wanna come here?" It were times like these when Liam somehow knew exactly what Niall needed him to do, which was baby him to such an extend that it should've been weird, but it wasn't at all. Niall enjoyed the way Liam talked to him as if he was a toddler when he was tired like this, it was just nice to know someone was there to watch out for him when he was asleep, someone who'd hold him and still be there when he woke up.

The others weren't paying attention to them, they were talking and listening to music, noises that all became a blur to Niall, he could hardly even keep his eyes open anymore as he curled up, his head in the crook of Liam's arm, face turned towards him. 

"Just sleep, Ni, I'm here. Do you need something to stay warm?" He was rubbing Niall's arm gently, sometimes stroking his hair, not complaining when Niall twisted his fingers into Liam's shirt, trying to shake his head with the little energy he had left. "Okay, go to sleep, Nialler." 

It didn't work, as tired as Niall was, lacking of sleep from not only the last night but the whole week actually, he still didn't manage to fully drift off. Liam's strokes were comforting, he was warm too and smelled familiar, but it didn't help today, whenever Niall was on the edge of drifting off, someone moved or talked, but he was too tired to open his eyes, or worse, sit up, so he just stayed still, enjoying the fact that no one else got to lie in Liam's lap like this. 

"Did he sleep in?" Niall wanted to say no, but then he found it too hard to open up his mouth, burying his face into Liam's arm instead. 

"I don't know… I hope so, he's tired." Liam mumbled to whoever had asked, his fingers brushing the side of Niall's neck now, giving him goosebumps, almost getting Niall scared that he'd move his hand and accidentally touch the bruises through his shirt. 

"Yeah, um… you know, because of yesterday, if it was me who upset him then I'm sorry." Oh. So it had been Louis who had asked. That made a little more sense, he hadn't recognized the voice right away, but now as he did, Niall tried hard not to tense up, trying to make himself believe that it was alright. He was the one Liam was holding, not Louis, it was alright, they were just talking. Well, about him.

"Ah, don't worry, it's fine. He's alright now." There was too much fondness in Liam's voice as he rubbed his thumb over Niall's shoulder as for him to get upset, it almost felt reliving somehow, to not get worked up again and just cuddle into his best friend, deciding not to care.

"Yeah… I didn't intend to make enemies on my first day." The laugh sounded a little fake, suddenly getting Niall worried that he had hurt Louis with all of his glaring, but then again, why would he care, he didn't even know Niall.

"You didn't, Niall doesn't hate anybody, no worries." Wrong, there was one person Niall hated, though he felt guilty for it and never said it out loud, but whenever he saw his dad nowadays, all he felt was rage.

"You're gonna be fine if you just don't talk to Liam for more than ten minutes per day." Harry threw in, completely 'unintentionally' bringing himself into the conversation, making Niall want to slap him for being so obvious, but even more for saying such silly things. "Maybe also not the other way around either, Liam's very protective if it comes down to it. And he's jealous too, just better at hiding it. When me and Niall hung out alone the last time, Liam didn't let go of him for the whole next day."

"That had nothing to do with it…" For some reason Niall thought that Liam was blushing terribly while mumbling this and his heart skipped a beat. Was that really true though, he had never noticed, he couldn't even remember. "You know what Louis, I think what Harry is trying to tell you is that you should talk to nobody in this whole class except for him."

There was silence, almost giving Niall away as he tried to swallow down his laughter because of Liam embarrassing Harry, not that the other boy didn't deserve it. "Yeah, right… I was just warning him, Li, nothing more. So he doesn't find himself accidentally destroying yours and Niall's wedding plans."

"We're a bit far from getting married, I think." Liam stayed relaxed luckily, already used to it, just carrying on to brush his fingers through Niall's hair automatically, as if he had completely forgotten about even moving his hand.

"In a few years you guys are gonna come to me and tell me that I've been right all along, I'd bet my whole money on that." Sometimes Harry really did seem convinced by it, which didn't change the fact that it sounded more than ridiculous to Niall. Why would he wanna marry Liam, they were like brothers.

"What, all of your five bucks?! But you needed so long to save it up." Everybody laughed at Liam's sarcasm, Harry might have even punched him in the shoulder because Niall felt something move but he wasn't quite sure, plus, he was too lazy to check. 

"You'll see, Liam, I'm right. Just look at you guys cuddling." There was some noise coming from Liam that Niall couldn't identify, he was just happy that the other boy didn't get too embarrassed to play with his hair. 

"We've been best friends for four years, Niall's like my brother." Liam clarified, but he just got a chuckle from Harry before the other boy suddenly got all excited over something outside, feeling the need to share it with Zayn who had either fallen asleep or just decided not to participate in the conversation. Niall could really relate to both right now.

He tried falling asleep again afterwards when it wasn't too loud anymore and Liam had gone over to simply holding him, the arm Niall wasn't using as a pillow wrapped around the other boy's waist. Not too tight luckily, because Niall was pretty sure a few more kicks would've broken his rib. 

In the end, he managed to sleep for about ten minutes before Liam suddenly put his palm against Niall's cheek, rubbing softly. "Ni, time to wake up, we're almost there."

"Hm." Great, after FINALLY drifting off they arrived, of course, what else had Niall expected. He groaned a little, burying his face more into Liam and causing the other boy to chuckle as he tried to lift Niall's head. 

"Come on, sleepyhead." Well, that would've required that Niall had actually slept, but if anything, he felt even worse as he sat up with Liam's help, rubbing his eyes before trying to get used to the light, being met by a soft smile. "Hey, feeling better?"

"No really..:" Niall mumbled, falling into Liam's side now since the other boy was still holding him anyway, plus it was cold now that he had moved. 

"What's wrong? Still tired?" Half closed eyes again, Niall settled for simply nodding, pulling his legs up on the seat as Liam wrapped both of his arms around him, pressing a kiss to his temple. "See it from the positive side, you won't be bothered by me moving all night because I can't sleep."

 

————

 

It never came to that, not only was it bad enough that Niall felt like passing out from both tiredness but also pain when the pills slowly stopped helping and he couldn't take another one without anyone seeing, but also did their teachers decide to split them up between the tents themselves.

And guess who he ended up with, Harry, who nearly bursted with excitement, because well, they'd be sharing with Louis. Not Liam, he was with Zayn, and Niall would've asked if they could switch, but he didn't wanna hurt anyone's feelings or force Zayn to deal with Harry talking his ears off all night. 

Still, the disappointment washing through him was overwhelming, not only that but he had been sure that he'd be with Liam, had looked forward to it and besides, they always were together when they went anywhere with school. Niall suddenly wasn't really sure if he could even do it without Liam. 

The walk was really tiring as well, even if it wasn't that long, but the situation given wasn't exactly anything near motivating. Well, and then of course, when they were at the camp and Niall thought the torture was coming to an end, it got even worse.

"Hey, guys, guess what!" It was Louis coming over to where the other four were sitting, Niall half on top of Liam because he just didn't care anymore, watching his classmates moving around and yelling without real interest. How did they find joy in running around in the woods? Well, maybe they hadn't gotten beaten up last night. 

"What is it?" Somehow Louis seemed to consider himself part of their group and since none of them were going to say anything about it, he probably already was. 

"There's a river down there and the teachers said it's safe to go in." Louis' eyes were shining with excitement, so were Harry's and even Zayn didn't seem put up off by that idea. Shit.

"It's September." Niall threw in, in an attempt to talk them out of it, looking at Liam for support, he got disappointed when seeing his best friend shrugging at what he had said. 

"But it's still really warm." It was, Niall couldn't deny that but he was slightly panicking now when he saw Harry and Zayn getting up, Liam moving underneath him to do the same probably. "Ni, you gotta get off or I can't stand up."

"Yeah… right." Slowly, Niall moved away from his comfortable position half on top of Liam, waiting for the other boy to get to his feet first and stretching a hand out towards Niall to help him. "We don't have any bathing clothes."

"I'm going in my boxers, who cares?" When Louis said that, Harry was almost starting to drool, he grinned at Niall, as if he expected him to agree. Louis didn't look that good, not as good as Liam anyway. "Let's go, before the others find out as well."

Not waiting, Louis took off, closely followed by Harry though while Zayn stayed with Niall and Liam, half smiling. "I'm surprised Louis hasn't said anything to Harry running after him like a puppy yet." 

"I think he's enjoying the attention actually." Liam laughed, moving his arm back around Niall's waist while they were walking, probably still thinking Niall needed the support. Well, he wouldn't complain. 

With every step, his bruises were aching, a really bad one in particular was pulsing uncomfortably and Niall wanted to curl up on the ground and just hug himself until the pain went away. Instead, he kept up with Liam's and Zayn's pace, trying not to pull a face at the way Liam's fingers were pressing just above his hipbone. How would he survive this, hell, he hadn't even found an excuse yet as to why he couldn't go swimming under any circumstances.

"It doesn't look very safe to me." Niall heard himself say before thinking about it, barley noticing Harry and Louis in boxer shorts trying to shove the other in first. 

"Let's wait and see if those two drown first." Sounded like a good plan, Niall laughed a bit at Liam, soon stopping again when they got closer, the arm around him slipping. "I think it's safe."

"Yeah, me too." Zayn shrugged, looking at the river for one second, there was hardly any flow, it was pretty still besides Louis screaming around from inside about how cold it was and Harry using the chance to splash him with even more water and start a fight. "I'll go in."

"Me too. Come on, Ni." And when Zayn and Liam started taking their clothes off, Niall started backing away from the water slowly, hoping not to get distracted as he saw Liam taking his shirt off from the corner of his eyes. Besides the fact that Niall couldn't go inside, he probably also wouldn't want to anymore once he was reminded again how tan and more musclier everyone was next to him. 

"I think I'll wait here. I'm still tired and not so hot actually, it doesn't look too appealing anyway." Immediately, Liam stopped whatever he had been doing to look at Niall, his expression turning worried again like it had so many times. 

"You sure?" Then he waited for Zayn to be done and walk away before coming over to Niall, a hand on his hip, voice lowered. "Sure there's nothing else wrong? I don't have to go in, we can talk if anything's up."

"I'm good, really." Actually, it would've been nice, go back again with Liam, a little away from where everyone else was and then just tell him, have him comfort Niall and hug him, tell him it would be alright. Instead, Niall smiled weakly, touching Liam's cheek for just a second. "I'll get you a towel." 

"Thanks…" But he didn't let go yet, biting his bottom lip and keeping Niall close before suddenly pulling him into a hug that left him breathless. Being pressed up against a shirtless Liam wasn't exactly what Niall had been prepared for. Not at all. "You'd tell me, right? If anything's wrong?"

"I always tell you everything." A lie, Niall pressed his eyes shut as he hugged Liam back shortly, quickly making sure to pull away again, it kinda started hurting now to be held so tightly. 

"Okay." Then he let Niall go after kissing his forehead, the expression on his face not leaving before he turned around though. It was hard for Niall to force himself not to watch and run back to where the tents and all their stuff was.

Finally now that he could be certain that no one was watching him, he could hold his stomach, relax his facial muscles from keeping a straight face all the freaking time. It hurt so bad, he wouldn't have been surprised if there had been some serious damage done somewhere inside of him. Not that he'd ever go and get it checked, he hated getting beating, but he wasn't suicidal, and telling on his dad would have the same effect.

So the first thing he did was swallow two pain killers at once, he probably shouldn't have because they made him feel a bit dizzy and at times also depressed, but that was better than cringing on the floor in front of Liam later.

Speaking of Liam, it made Niall smile despite everything when he went through his best friend's bag to find out he had brought two towels, his own and the one Niall always got when he slept over at Liam's house. Obviously, he had been expecting Niall to forget his, which he hadn't, but the gesture was so nice it had Niall smirking like a dumb idiot while walking back.

"Nialler! Get your ass in here!" It was Harry yelling once Niall got in sight again, carrying four towels now that he had gotten from the other boy's bags, even for Louis.

"I'm too cold!" A little obvious while walking around sleeveless, but what else could he have said anyway, 'no thanks my dad kicked me last night and it looks nasty?'. Better make up lies.

Niall sat down on a rock then, watching them, feeling a bit better now that he didn't have to move anymore. For some reason, he noticed Louis never getting too close to Liam even though he tried pulling the other two under water and splashing them, he seemed to have taken Harry's words from before a little too serious.

Still, it was a huge relief to know Louis wasn't trying to take Liam away from Niall, he'd have to talk to him sometime though, tell him that it was alright. After all, Liam could talk to whoever he wanted to, despite Niall's jealousy problem. Plus, he didn't wanna be one of those clingy people that everyone got sick of after not too long, but it wasn't his fault that Liam was the best friend someone could ask for, was it?

They didn't stay in too long, the water seemed to be colder than expected, at least that's what it looked like when they all came out shivering, thanking Niall twelve million times for getting their towels. He just smiled, glad to feel the pain killers kicking in enough for him to stand up. 

"It would've been more fun if you had come too." And Niall would probably never find out whether Liam meant that or not because he would always make sure to make Niall feel like he had missed him. Maybe he really had. 

"Well, be glad you didn't go in, Ni, because apparently Louis just tried to trick us into being our friend so he could drown us all." Zayn laughed while Harry looked at a shrugging Louis as if being drowned by him would've been a privilege. 

Niall almost pointed that out just to tease his friend a little bit, get him back for all the crap he had been talking before in the train, but before being able to react, he was enveloped into a very cold and slightly wet hug as Liam opened his towel to pull Niall in as well. "Shit, Li, you're ice cold!"

"I know, stay and warm me up, please?" It didn't even sound as if he was playing around, the wetness was soaking through Niall's shirt a little, but just because he felt Liam shaking against him, he hugged back underneath the towel, rubbing his friend's back. 

"Keep it PG rated please." Niall rolled his eyes at the comment, secretly liking the way Liam buried his face between his arm and Niall's neck, even if his hair was wet and touching Niall's cheek, but he enjoyed being the one Liam chose to hug. Even if that wasn't so surprising after all, but a little reassurance once a while couldn't hurt.

Since no one else had a living heater to hug like Liam, they had to jump around now to try and warm up, making Niall laugh against his will. The movement still hurt but his body was starting to get numb, besides, he was distracted by Liam being so close to him for good fifteen minutes. It got warmer after a while too, if Niall ignored the wet feeling and just focused on Liam telling him thank you's and how glad he was that he had Niall. A little exaggerated maybe for just hugging someone when they were cold, but that was the thing about Liam, he wouldn't say it if he didn't mean it.

 

————

 

The day passed by really fast, Niall had to let his shirt get dried by the sun because he didn't know a place to go and change without Liam coming along. It was a bit inconvenient when the whole class was forced to go on a walk with their teacher, more a hike actually, but before Niall could complain for just a second time that he was tired, Liam had already stopped in front of him, telling him to jump on his back. Seriously, Niall would have long died without Liam.

He blamed it partly on the pills he had taken, even though the truth why Niall kept on clinging to Liam the whole day was because he was scared of having to sleep in a tent without him. Maybe it was childish, but Niall couldn't help how much he needed Liam to be there and hold him, somehow keep touching him in any way possible the whole day long.

Of course Niall knew where this was coming from, he had always liked cuddles and giving hugs, sure, but when that thing with his mum had happened, he had gotten really attached to Liam, more than he had already been. 

Liam had been the only person always being there and being able to calm Niall down when he could hardly breathe anymore from crying so much, he had let Niall sleep in his bed whenever he wanted to, never getting tired of listening to and talking about the things Niall could mostly only half choke out. 

So that's why he depended so much on Liam taking care of him and being there whenever Niall needed him, because despite the fact that he had other friends too, Liam was the only thing feeling closest to what a family should be.

Maybe the others knew that somehow, because they always cut their jokes back after a while, Liam knew for sure though, he kissed Niall's head about three times while hugging him shortly before they all had to go to bed. "Text me if you can't sleep, okay? I'm just a few meters away." 

It weren't just a few meters, not that it mattered, Liam being somewhere else than Niall was bad enough already, the distance didn't really change anything about the dull feeling in his stomach, this time not from his bruises.

"This is really cool, isn't it?" Louis and Harry both were in the best mood, they got along surprisingly well now, even though Harry still hadn't stopped creepily staring at the other boy yet, he didn't seem to mind.

Niall thought about saying something, but then he let it be, making sure to bury himself deeper into his sleeping bag, pulling the sleeves of Liam's hoodie over his fingers. As warm as it had been before, it was cold at night and they didn't have any extra blankets, yet another reason for Niall to crave a hug.

"I'm glad that I came to this school, we would've never done this back at home." It sounded genuine, but it was dark and they were all lying down, besides, Niall didn't feel like checking Louis' face anyway, he would've had to lean over Harry to do that. "Even though one thing I'm gonna miss is my drama class."

"You went to drama class, really?" Only Harry could sound so excited over a random fact, Niall rolled his eyes to himself, curling up a bit more and pressing his eyes shut. There was no way he'd be able to sleep, he was just trying to keep the tears in actually.

"Yeah, it was great. But I guess we'll all be out of middle school in a year, right, so things would've changed anyways." Right, speaking about that, Niall was once again more than glad that him and all the others would go to the same high school soon, he couldn't even take one night camping without Liam, how'd he have managed not seeing him every day?

"True. I'm so excited to go to high school and then soon I can get my driver's license too, it'll be awesome." Their conversation was upsetting Niall even more for some reason, maybe he shouldn't have taken yet another pain killer before, it made him pretty emotional. Plus, all of this reminded him an awful lot of going camping with his mum years ago and thinking about this made him feel awfully lonely. He needed Liam, now. "Right, Ni? Did you sleep in?"

Harry checking on him was literally the worst timing ever, Niall made sure to turn around, with his back to the others, biting into the inside of his cheek so he wouldn't accidentally let out a sob as he felt tears building up. This was awful, sometimes he got this way without a real reason, all shaky and crying and emotional about every little things. A perfect time for it to happen.

"I think he's asleep…" Louis mumbled, just in the same moment as Niall sniffed unwillingly, thinking about how Liam had offered him to stay home and watch movies, why hadn't they done that?!

"Niall? You okay?" Now that the other two had hear him, Niall felt them shifting and moving, a hand lightly touching his shoulder. "Are you crying?"

"N-No." Speaking had literally been the dumbest idea yet, it gave everything away within a second, but for some reason Niall wasn't even embarrassed, all he cared about really was that Liam wasn't here to calm him down like he always did.

"Hey, what's up? Did anything happen?" As much as Harry loved to make fun of everyone sometimes, he knew when it was enough and when he had to be serious. His voice sounded really caring too as he obviously moved closer to Niall, touching him blindly with his hand until he found Niall's, giving it a squeeze. "Say something, Ni."

"I'm f-fine…" Not even close actually, the longer Niall thought about it, the worse it got, just everything was too much at that moment, even the tent seemed to be too small for Niall to breathe normally.

"Harry, he's shaking really badly." Louis sounded scared, well, he probably had every reason to. Whenever Niall got like this, usually no one was around, though it had happened in school once and everyone had noticed, so maybe that's why Harry remained somewhat calm.

"Yeah, I know, I… he gets this sometimes. Niall? Hey, Niall, I'm here, okay? Tell me what's wrong, do you need anything? Try and calm down, it's fine, I promise, breathe normally." He had moved even closer now, holding Niall with one arm while trying to calm him down in a quiet voice, but if anything, Niall started crying even harder, only being able to hold back every second sob now.

"N-No, I-I… I w-want L-Liam…" The others probably didn't hear Niall because he was half choking on his words, not thinking twice before saying it, that it might be embarrassing or anything, he just wanted Liam extremely badly right now. No, he needed him.

"Did you say you want Liam? We can text him, okay? He's just over there, not far away from you, you'll see him again in a few hours, it's okay." Nothing was okay, Harry's desperate attempts at making his voice sound soothing failed terribly. Not that Niall payed any close attention in the first place, he was busier trying not to throw up from all the crying. "Louis, help me."

Surprisingly, Louis did, he moved closer too, probably rubbing Niall's shoulder though he wasn't really sure who it was, his ribs and stomach hurt extra bad from all the shaking, but as much as he tried, he couldn't stop. "Niall, do you wanna go over to see Liam?"

"Lou, he can't-"

"Of course he can, if that's the only thing that helps. Niall, are you listening? Come on, I'm sure Liam lets you sleep with him, screw the teachers." That was the moment that led to Niall completely forgiving Louis for whatever he had had against the boy, he was still crying and shaking, but he let Louis pull him up, more willing to try and calm down if he could just be with Liam.

"Wait, I'm coming too, if he falls or anything." Hardly possible, because Louis seemed really good at keeping Niall on his feet once they were outside, it was cold but Niall couldn't have been shaking any more than he already was anyway. 

"Yeah, come on. We'll probably have to talk to the teachers, I feel like we just woke everyone up." Louis kept his arm around Niall, maybe a bit too tight, as they walked over to where Liam's and Zayn's tent was.

"S-Sorry…" Niall felt slightly guilty even though worse thoughts were dominating right now, plus his tears made his whole sight blurry and he felt lucky if he could just walk without falling down.

"No, it's fine, Niall, it's not your fault, okay? You'll be with Liam in just a second." The attempts Louis made to calm Niall down were really nice, he hardly knew him but he still tried his best to help while Harry kept rubbing Niall's back, both of them making sure that he wouldn't fall and stumble.

When they reached the tent, neither of the two were messing around anymore, Harry just opened the zipper up, half crawling inside while Louis was still whispering comforting things to Niall, who felt like he would have to burst not being with Liam yet, having to watch Harry blocking the entrance. "Hey, Li, Zayn, wake up, guys."

"We weren't… Harry? What are you doing, shouldn't you-"

"Liam, Niall's got one of his… you know, and he's crying and shaking and we don't know what to do and he said he wants you." Even before it was fully out, Niall heard cursing and moving inside, he was leaning against Louis' shoulder now, trying so hard not to start sobbing again, be a little grown up and just wait those two minutes before he could see Liam. 

"Shit, Haz, where's he?! Fuck, I knew this would happen, I gotta get-"

"Calm down, he's right here, okay?" Then _finally_ Harry moved away from the entrance and Niall didn't waste a second escaping from Louis' grip, ducking into the tent in almost complete darkness, almost falling into Liam's arms. 

"Nialler, what's wrong, hey…" It was so good to be held by him, Niall just started crying all over again, wrapping his arms so tightly around Liam's neck that he probably hurt him, but he couldn't have loosened them even if he had wanted to, it was a necessity. "Sh, I'm here, you can stay here with me, yeah? It's gonna be okay, Ni, everything's gonna be okay." 

Niall had no idea how, but he ended up sitting in Liam's lap, fingers twisted into his shirt and face buried in his shoulder while Liam held him tightly, rocking them a bit as if he was a toddler. He sure as hell behaved like one. "I'm s-sorry…"

"No, come on, there's no reason to be sorry, okay? I got you, shsh." He tried calming down, at least stop crying because the shaking was impossible to control, but it had gotten better now that he was with Liam. The older boy pressed his face into Niall's hair, placing kisses while murmuring things in order to maybe help him coming down a little. 

"I'll go talk to the teachers, okay? I think they're coming over to yell at us or something. You coming, Harry?" Niall had no idea where those two had been the whole time before they left, he had his eyes closed, trying to focus on Liam's heartbeat only, the way his chest moved evenly, it was comforting.

"L-Liam…" It was still hard to talk, all those flashbacks popping up in Niall's head of when Liam had held him like this so many times, hours long sometimes. Not exactly what they should have been doing as kids.

"What, Ni? What's wrong?" The panic was noticeable in Liam's voice though he tried to suppress it, hugging Niall impossibly closer. 

"I-I… I g-gotta tell y-you s-something…" All of a sudden, Niall felt the urge to tell Liam about last night, because it had started hurting again and because he had felt guilty all day for not saying anything, just wanting Liam to comfort him, nothing else.

"Guys, I… I'll leave you alone, okay? So you can talk, I'll sleep over with Louis and Harry." Right, Zayn was still there too, he rubbed Niall's back shortly as Liam thanked him quietly, pulling the zipper closed behind him once he was outside, leaving only the two of them. 

"What do you have to tell me, Nialler? No matter what it is, it's fine, okay? You can tell me anything, you know that." He did know that and even though there were a million reasons speaking against telling Liam, Niall was suddenly in a hurry to get it out finally.

"Li, I-I… h-he did i-it a-agin…l-last n-night a-and… it h-hurts." Really badly actually, as soon as it was out, Liam stopped rocking them all of a sudden, freezing up as Niall buried his face deeper into the other boy's shoulder, trying to press himself even closer.

"Niall… you gotta show me, okay? Please, we have to see how bad it is, can you just lie down for-"

"N-No, I w-wanna s-stay h-here…" Liam's voice had changed, it was still soft, because he forced it to be this way, but Niall could hear the anger coming through, suddenly scaring him, what if Liam would go tell his parents after all? What if he broke his promise. 

"Niall, please-"

"N-No… y-you p-promised not t-to t-tell…" Just to remind him, because Niall almost had a heart attack when Liam began trying to get him off of his lap, holding on even tighter, he didn't want anyone to see.

"Niall…" There was a sigh, not an annoyed one but as if Liam was absolutely clueless, he let Niall stay in his lap for now, kissing his head once more. "Look, I'm not gonna tell anybody, okay? I don't break my promises, Niall, but please let me see how bad it is. Did you take pain killers?"

"Y-Yeah…" Niall sniffed into Liam's shirt, calming down a little, even though he was nervous because he knew that Liam wouldn't give in, he always insisted on Niall showing him. 

"How many?" Liam always sounded so grown up, it helped Niall calming down as well, because it felt like that no matter what happened, Liam would find a way out of it, knowing exactly what he was doing. He probably was just as desperate as Niall though.

"T-Today like… f-five…" That was a lot and Niall knew he shouldn't have done it, but it was too late now, besides that, well… he had kinda needed them. 

There was some sound, Liam breathing in hard before letting out another sigh, starting to move Niall again, very gently. "Okay. Come on, we'll get this done real quick and then we go to sleep, yeah? You must be tired."

"Y-Yeah…" Slowly, Niall let Liam reach around and unclench his fingers from the boy's shirt, moving out of his lap with Liam holding his arm for support.

"I know you are. Just lie on Zayn's stuff, okay? It's alright." It was the first time that Niall could actually see Liam's face, he looked pretty reserved, careful about where to put his hands as he helped Niall lying down, not meeting his eyes at first. "Tell me if I'm hurting you, okay?"

Niall just nodded, wiping his tears again and causing Liam to look up into his face. For a second he didn't do anything, just sitting beside Niall, then he leaned over him suddenly, kissing his forehead softly, stroking his cheek with the back of his fingers. Seeing him up this close in the darkness, Niall suddenly realized that Liam's face was sad too, that his eyes were shimmering and his hand shaking slightly against Niall's skin. "It's okay…"

"Yeah…" Liam didn't sound very sure as he sat back up, getting his phone from somewhere behind before bringing his focus on Niall's hoodie, trying to be extra careful as he started pulling it up, Niall helping a little with lifting his hips off the ground, to get it over with more quickly.

In the light of Liam's phone, it looked even nastier than it had before when Niall had changed shirts in almost complete darkness. The bruises had turned all green and blue and purple, some rather small whereas one big one really stuck out. It was the main reason for the pain Niall was in, the first punch, the one that had sent him to the ground. It would take months for all of them to fade completely. Provided he didn't get any new ones until then, just the thought had Niall shivering slightly.

Liam's face was undefinable at first, he just stared for a while, not touching anything, just sitting there and not lifting his eyes off of Niall's upper body, then finally, when Niall reached out for his knee, he came back to life. "Shit." 

"Yeah…" Shit was the only thing Niall could think about it too, he had managed to stop shaking now at least, and limited the tears to a minimum, he was just tired now, and exhausted from literally everything. 

"Why did he do it, Ni? What happened?" Liam was still staring for a bit, then he started moving Niall's hoodie down again, careful to cover him up completely, his gaze going off into nowhere. 

"He was drunk… and I came home and he told me I wasn't allowed to stay away until so late. I said I was sorry and he started yelling and punching me. And then, um…" He stopped, not wanting to think about it again, instead playing with his fingers now.

"Then what?" It almost came out in only a whisper, they weren't looking at each other, Liam's voice sounding a little dead, he was shocked and had no idea what to do, Niall could tell immediately.

"He … he started blaming me again, you know. And that he couldn't wait until I move out, and how he never wanted to have me anyway." Niall shrugged a little, more to himself than anybody else, saying it out loud hurt, even if he had heard it so often by now, he somehow always managed to have some hope left in him that things would change maybe. And they never did, somehow, they always got even worse instead.

For a little while no one talked, Niall just kept on lying there, looking at his fingers and Liam didn't say a word or even moved, which was why he almost got Niall jumping as he moved to lean on his elbow, one hand cupping the side of Niall's face. 

"There is probably no person in this world that deserves this less than you do, Ni. And I… I feel so fucking stupid, you know? And so _useless_ , because I got no idea where I would be without you, yet I can't do anything besides watching you getting hurt over and over again. I wish I could help, I won't do anything without your permission, and yeah, I regret promising you that I won't tell, because I really wish I could do it now. You mean the absolute world to me, Niall, you know, and just one word from you and I'll go and make this stop." He sounded so desperate that Niall wanted to start crying all over again, he shouldn't have told Liam, making him feel guilty for not being able to do anything, he couldn't allow it.

"I… I can't let you do it, Liam. He's gonna go mad, he'll kill me if it comes out, if like, the police or whoever shows up, I don't wanna know what happens after that. Please don't, I'm okay, it hurts, but it'll heal, okay? And it's only 4 more years and maybe… maybe he'll calm down, maybe he won't do it again." That were the exact same words Niall always said, more focused on calming down Liam than actually speaking the truth, every time he told him he felt so guilty for doing it, he had no idea why he had just done it again. 

Liam was just shaking his head, taking deep breaths, his hand still against Niall's cheek. "I hate this so much, I'm so scared he'll do something worse, like something to leave permanent damage, what am I gonna do then? How am I gonna live with myself?"

"He won't, Li, he never slaps my face either just so no one will see. It's okay, it just stings, that's all." Well, stung A LOT, but Niall was trying to be calming here, moving his hand over Liam's to squeeze it, wanting the other boy to look at him again. "I'm sorry I lied about being cold when you guys went into the river. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just… I don't want you to feel bad about it."

"Don't ever be sorry about that again, Ni, I wanna know it, call me, whenever, whatever happens, I'll come and I'll be there. If that's the only thing I can do, at least something." His face was beyond sad, still shaking his head, he suddenly leaned down further, leaning his forehead against Niall's, eyes closed. "I love you."

Niall's heart made a skip at this, he slowly moved his free hand up Liam's arm, curling it around his neck to keep him close. "Love you too, Li."

It wasn't like, a love confession, it was different, just like Niall's mum used to tell him that she loved him, Liam was the only person who did it now, reminding Niall that he was indeed worth something, that it hadn't been his fault, that he wasn't alone and unwanted. "Let's go to sleep, okay? Just stay there, don't move too much."

Niall just nodded, letting Liam kiss his forehead again before the other boy moved over to his own sleeping bag, pulling the zipper open to make it bigger before coming back to Niall, covering both of them as he lied down next to him, Niall immediately moving in closer. "Can we cuddle?" 

"Yeah, I'm just a bit scared of hurting you…" But Liam still pulled him in, wrapping both his arms around Niall as the younger boy rested his head on Liam's chest, holding tightly onto his shirt. 

"You didn't hurt me any time before either, I'm okay, I promise." The pain killer was still helping after all, besides, not cuddling with Liam would've been worse than a little pain. "Liam? You think it's weird that we do all this stuff, you know, that the others make fun of?"

"I honestly don't care, Niall. What if it's weird, I don't wanna stop, you're my best friend, more, you're like my little brother." Then he chuckled a bit as he heard Niall huff, a nice sound after all this seriousness, Niall buried his face deeper into Liam's shoulder, relieved when he got held tighter in return.

"Why do I have to be the little brother? I'm only ten centimeters smaller than you are." Which actually was a lot because it were more like 15, besides, Niall was just pretending to be pouting anyways, he was smiling to himself, finally feeling comfortable and alright. 

"Because." Was all Liam said at first, laughing quietly before kissing the top of Niall's head, leaving his face buried again. "Because I like looking out for you and giving you cuddles when you're not feeling good. Well, and because you sure are a lot smaller than me." 

"'m not…" But his stomach was doing funny things caused by Liam's words, he suddenly felt a lot warmer.

"You sure are, Ni. Besides, I like calling you my little brother, if you hadn't died your hair blonde last year then maybe people would've believed that we really are related." Right, the thing with Niall's hair still made them both chuckle, he didn't even recall the reason that well, but he had gotten used to it surprisingly fast, so he had just decided to keep on doing it. Besides, Liam had told him that the blonde mixed with the brown made him look really cool and special, which was perfect, he had said, because Niall had always been special, in a good way of course.

"I wish we were actually related." Niall had somehow always been thinking about how great it would have been, to have Liam as his real big brother, living at Liam's house and having two sisters, never having to go back home and be scared. It sounded nice.

"Yeah, me too… but once we're done with high school then we can go to the same college and be roommates." Yeah, that sounded great, Niall couldn't wait. "We're always gonna be best friends, right?"

"Yeah, always. You can be my best man too once I get married." He promised, only half joking, right now completely consumed by the thought of them being roommates for real sometime, and of never having to lose Liam or growing apart or losing sight of each other, they'd always have each other, he was sure of it.

"Go to sleep, Ni, you're weird." But Liam laughed fondly, squeezing Niall tightly and the other boy let sleep come over him while he still had that smile plastered on his face that he wasn't sure he'd ever get to wipe off again.


	3. 7 years ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance. Also, Liam and Niall are all grown up so... there's smut.

——————7 years ago——————

"I'm too dumb for this, 'm gonna fail and repeat high school. Maybe they're even gonna send me back to be a freshmen, who knows, once they find out I bullshitted on every essay we ever had to write. Y'know, I never read that book, I was even too lazy to watch the movie. I'm gonna fail." Niall was walking up and down in Liam's room, not even waiting for an answer of any kind, he wasn't even sure whether he was talking to Liam or to himself.

"Niall, if you don't stop this, I will throw this book and it won't be pretty." They were studying for their finals together, well, _attempting_ to was probably a better term, Niall wasn't even sure if he could remember just one single word of all the things Liam had explained to him.

"Yeah, please throw it, Li, maybe it knocks me out and I'll be saved. Have you ever heard of that thing you get because you're too stressed because of school? I think I'm slowly developing-"

"It's called laziness and procrastination, I'm pretty sure you have already developed both of that, babe." For a second, Niall wanted to be mad and glare at Liam, but then he added the last word and Niall stopped walking instead to look at his best friend lying in bed, not even watching Niall but rather the history book.

Liam had grown up a lot during the past two years, he had literally lost all of his baby fat at once and then suddenly started going for jogs and now he didn't only have 10 times more muscles than Niall but also had to shave while Niall could've still passed as 16 probably. He wasn't staring at Liam because he was jealous of him though, Niall felt good about himself actually, he was staring at his friend because he was nice to stare at.

"Charming. You're really charming, Liam, thanks." Rolling his eyes, Niall made his way back to the bed as well, just dropping into it face forward, nearly landing on Liam's feet. 

"Yeah, I know. Look, I told you I can explain it to you, but you never listen for longer than five minutes." Which was completely true, Niall was aware that he had the attention span of a three year old if it came to school stuff, but what was he supposed to do, it was just so _boring_. "So, you want me to say it again?"

Niall shrugged, pretending to be extra exhausted as he sat back up, looking at Liam who had raised his eyebrows, obviously waiting for an answer.

Instead, Niall moved forward on the bed until he was right in front of Liam's stretched out legs, sitting up on his knees to straddle them, pushing Liam's book out of the way. "Make some space."

"What, on top of me?" He sounded as if he couldn't believe it first of all, but when Niall just laughed, moving Liam's hand away and causing him to drop the book on the bed, he rolled his eyes, making no attempt to stop it from happening. "You could've put a shirt on at least."

"Nah." It was comfortable to be lying on top of Liam, Niall did it all the time, putting his head in the crook of Liam's neck, waiting for his friend to start making jokes about how Niall was crushing him with his weight before he would eventually give in and wrap his arms around the other boy. Not today though, he just let Niall be comfortable, loosely putting his arm around the other's waist. "Okay, now, tell me about that thing again, what was it called?"

"The Potato Famine. Seriously, Niall, this is the history of Ireland, didn't you learn all that when you were little?" Well, maybe he had, but the last time Niall had tried to stay awake during history had been two years ago. 

"I don't know, maybe. If we consider this history thingy then I'm a traitor anyway for lying in bed with someone like you and for living in England. Maybe I could write that, you think they'd let me pass?" It wasn't funny though Niall chuckled anyway, closing his eyes and imaging how Liam was rolling his eyes right now, the sigh he let out was proof enough.

"You're a few years too late for that, the Troubles, 'the history thingy', ended in 1998, but since we're talking about it, I think they'd send you home with a glass of Guiness and a banishment from the country. Personally signed by me after I spent days trying to get you to understand this." And that had Niall laughing hard, without opening his eyes though or moving away from Liam, if anything, he just cuddled closer into him to get warmer. Maybe he really should've put on a shirt. 

"See, now at least I can remember the year, we should always study like this, it's way funnier." Well, studying with Liam was always kinda fun anyways, sure, the facts were boring, but the in between when they took breaks every 5 minutes were great. 

"Well, if you don't wanna graduate before they invent flying cars, sure, why not, you got any more jokes lacking of the punch line?" Now it was Liam's turn to laugh as Niall slapped his arm playfully, moving his hand under his cheek afterwards to lie on it, tangling his legs up with Liam's.

"Don't be such a dick, Liam." He wasn't, it were just jokes and banters of course, actually, Niall had never met a person as sweet and good natured as Liam, and he was proud of that, for being able to call himself the best friend of the nicest guy in school.

"You love me anyway." That was more than true.

"Unfortunately I do. Most of the time at least, I wasn't so sure yesterday when-"

Liam simply cut him off by pressing a hand over the blonde's mouth, pecking his still damp hair shortly. "Shush, babe, we have to study now because I wanna see you in that ugly gown for graduation in a few months… did you just lick my palm?!"

He pulled back in shock while Niall couldn't help but giggle, not complaining when Liam ruffled his hair, maybe to get the spit off, but he left it in there after giving Niall a little clap on the back of his head, massaging his scalp slightly while starting at zero with his history lesson. 

 

————

 

When Niall woke up the next day, he wasn't lying on top of Liam anymore, but he felt an arm around his waist, warm breath against the back of his neck and another body slightly pressing against his.

Counting all the times they had woken up like this, they might have even spent more nights in the same bed as they had in separated ones. It's just, they were so comfortable with it by now, doing this for 8 years, Niall almost lived at Liam's house already, hell, he had even spent Christmas here a few times and watched football with Liam's dad while Liam had been out for a run countless times. 

Things at his own house had changed as well, after his dad had suddenly started bringing other women home every second day, Niall had first of all been very distant, pissed off even, maybe also sad, but seeing as it had limited the beating down to some slaps across the cheek, he had found out that maybe it was better this way. 

Besides, his father hadn't touched him in almost 6 months, after Liam had come over a few minutes too early, walking in on an argument and pulling Niall behind him to protect him before threatening his dad to go and call the police if he found one more tiny scratch on Niall. It wouldn't have worked if Liam hadn't gotten so tall and a bit bulky as well, plus his voice was deep too and Niall's dad seemed to suddenly respect him. He hardly talked to Niall now, but if Niall was being honest, they hadn't really talked ever since his mother had died. 

Short, a lot of things had happened in the past few years, Niall was still not over the fact that they'd be in college soon, the same one of course, like they had always talked about, it'd become true now, for real. 

"Niall...?" Liam's voice sounded husky and groggy, plus a little weird too, as if he was sleep talking again, he did that sometimes, it never failed to amuse Niall.

"Yeah, I'm here, you awake?" Not moving from their comfortable cocoon of warmth underneath Liam's blanket, Niall felt the arm around him tighten, Liam pulling himself closer, sighing against Niall's bare skin. 

"Hmm… in a bit." Maybe it really was sleep talking, or maybe Liam was just trying to be funny. "You're warm."

"Everything would be warm if you had turned on the heater last night." Niall chuckled, trying to turn around and check whether Liam was fully aware of this conversation, but he wasn't allowed to move apparently.

"I couldn't, you slept in on me and I had to hold my piss back for an hour until you finally rolled over." With that, he suddenly leaned up and over Niall, trying to reach across him and onto the nightstand, but Niall found it too funny to hug his arm, keeping it down. 

"You could've just shoved me off." Yeah, Liam would never do that, he wasn't even complaining now that he wasn't allowed to reach his phone. Maybe he was just too tired.

"No, you were talking about how good I'm to cuddle with in your sleep, it was kinda cute." Then he pulled his arm free finally, half lying on Niall then because of how much he had to stretch to reach his phone, but he apologized with a light kiss on Niall's cheek before resting his head on Niall's shoulder, holding the phone in front of both of them.

"Why'd Louis text you so many times, he never texts me more than once and it's only always to tell me that I should stop distracting Harry when they're doing stuff." Not that Niall was so keen on texting Louis anyways, he was just surprised to see three unread messages of him on Liam's phone.

"It's because of tonight, see?" Liam unlocked his phone then, scrolling through the messages to show Niall, not being able to move more than his finger because of Niall still holding onto his arm. "You still wanna go, right?"

"If Louis gets the car then yes, I'm definitely not walking though, that's probably a hundred miles." Driving down to the pier for a swim at midnight sounded a lot like an idea Niall could've had, not this time though, it had been Harry's actually, after getting a bit emotional over the fact that they might never have time to go there again, all the five of them. 

"It would actually only take an hour, b-"

"At midnight, Liam! I'm not walking an hour at midnight, I'm not mental. And then everything back again, I'm getting exhausted just thinking about it." Well, that maybe was a bit exaggerated, but at least it stated Niall's point of view, walking was out of question. Always, no only in this situation, Liam could've probably jogged down there twice in the same time that Niall needed to just get out of bed in the morning.

"Here, you tell him that, my thumb hurts already." Liam let the phone drop onto the bed, moving his chin away from Niall's shoulder and going back into the position they had woken up in, arm lose now. "Maybe we should nap, it's only 11am."

"Yeah wait, I gotta finish this text. I didn't tell him it's me by the way, he's so dead when I see him tonight." That was one of Niall's favorite hobbies, playing around on Liam's phone, like texting random people and taking pictures of himself to put as every background and profile pic possible, plus, Liam let him, he mostly didn't even change anything back. 

"Why?" Liam's voice sounded heavy, as if he had already slept in again, face buried in the back of Niall's neck, it tickled.

"I wrote him 'Niall's so hot shirtless, I don't know if you can handle that tonight, be glad it's dark' and you know what he said?! He said that you should go get your eyes checked and that there was no way he couldn't see me because I'm so pale I'm practically glowing." There was a short laugh as an answer while Niall tried to decide whether he should be offended or not.

"He knows it's you, Ni, I wouldn't write that." Unfortunately.

"Why not?" Niall put the phone down after sending Louis the most inappropriate thing he could think of, cuddling back against Liam, hoping he'd be able to fall back asleep as well. 

"Well, because I wouldn't use the word hot, I'd tell him you're gorgeous and he should feel honored for being allowed to pick you up in his mum's car and that I let him spend time with you, because usually that privilege is only reserved for me." This is a joke, Niall reminded himself as his heart fluttered, he forced himself to laugh when in reality, he wanted to give Liam a kiss for being so sweet.

"You should tell him that later, Li, when we can see his reaction ourselves." Mostly, Niall hoped Liam would repeat it so he himself could hear it too, he loved when Liam talked as if Niall was _his_ only, he was somehow. "But wait until he brought us back, please."

"No worries, Ni, you won't have to walk." Liam patted Niall's arm, yawning a little and immediately infecting Niall. He put his hand on top of Liam's, keeping it there, close to his face. "If I'm not answering anymore, I fell asleep."

"That's okay, just sleep, Li." He could sleep hours on end unlike Niall, who had a hard time waking up sometimes, but once he was awake, there was not even lightly dozing off. 

Within ten minutes or so of them not talking, Niall could hear that Liam's breath had become even again, he fell a bit heavier against Niall as well, probably would stay like that for another hour now if nothing too extremely loud occurred. 

Now that it was silent, Niall could focus on other things, for example the light rain falling down outside that would surely be gone again by the time they got up for real, someone walking down the stairs, probably Liam's mum and then the neighbor's dog barking that Niall and Liam had taken for a walk at least fifty times when they had been younger. 

It felt so good, just lying here, being cuddled from behind, not having anywhere to go or being in a rush, just thinking about nothing in particular. Even though, maybe Niall was thinking about something, or a few things involving the same topic that had been on his mind for a while now. 

A few months back, actually on Zayn's 18th birthday, where Niall and Liam had still been 17, they somehow had all ended up a little bit too wasted, except for Liam, he still to this day claimed that he hadn't changed Niall's drinks with juice after a while, but if he hadn't then Niall could've for sure not remembered everything so clearly.

So there had been a few people from school, a lot of girls too, two of them who Niall had kinda dated when he had been 16, but it seemed far away that day, because the only person he hung all over was Liam.

Now that wasn't very surprising or unusual, but before that had happened, him and some guys from his class had played truth or dare, completely wasted, all of them, when it had been Niall's turn, he had chosen dare, giggling like a fucking idiot when he was dared to kiss any person of his choice for at least five seconds. 

And, well, yeah, Niall hadn't even thought about it, he had just gone over to where Liam was sitting with Zayn, straddling his lap before kissing him hard, shoving his tongue into Liam's mouth while cupping his face, not stopping even after five seconds were long over.

The thing was, Liam had kissed back, he had been tipsy, but not that extremely drunk, yet he had grabbed Niall's hips to keep him on his lap, easily parting his lips, kissing Niall hard and deep until they both ran out of breath. 

They had never talked about it, not really, but since then, Niall was craving the feeling of Liam's lips on his, taste him in his mouth again, touch him, run his hands through Liam's hair and down his chest and abs. Thinking that about your best friend was kinda weird, but Niall couldn't help it that he found Liam incredibly attractive, he had always been admiring him in some way, always had wanted to be close to the other boy. 

It's just that his innocent brotherly feelings for Liam had kinda gotten a bit messed up that night and that was pretty scary to think about yet it was a little exciting too. Niall had never felt this way about anyone else, never wanted to spend every second of his day with anyone else but Liam. He wasn't exactly sure what he wanted, but he sure as hell wouldn't have minded some kissing.

"Nialler, stop moving." Niall's third time turning from his side to his back must've woken Liam up, he squeezed Niall tighter, as if he was mistaking him for a pillow. 

"Sorry, I think I gotta go and use the bathroom." Much rather he would've enjoyed just lying here, using the chance that Liam couldn't see and watch him while he was sleeping. It was fascinating. "It's almost twelve pm."

"Oh. I'm up now I guess… when you get back at least." It didn't sound very convincing but Niall just laughed as he stood up, the loss of Liam's warmth and smell around him was a bit disappointing, he decided to hurry up even more than he usually would have. 

When he came back, Liam was sitting up, the blanket still covering his lap though, plus his eyes were half closed too, but at least he had managed to stay awake. "How can you still be so sleepy, Li? I slept in at like, midnight, you slept for at least eleven hours."

"I need my beauty sleep, you know that." He winked at Niall from the bed, right after having to yawn again hard. "Come here for a second."

"Why?" Niall literally had no idea, but he walked around the bed anyway as Liam stretched one arm out towards him, grabbing a hold of his hand to pull him down once he was within reach.

And then, he just kissed Niall's cheek softly, squeezing his hand a little longer while smiling sleepily. "Good morning, Ni."

That boy was making it really hard sometimes not to fall for him completely all over again every five minutes.

 

————

 

"And where do you boys think you are going?" The plan of waiting until Liam's parents were asleep before sneaking out got a little bit destroyed by his sister Nicola, Niall sometimes felt like he was more involved into her family than into his own, hell, he had even visited her in hospital after her first child had been born a year ago. Maybe that's why she yelled at him just in the same way as she did at Liam whenever she came over to visit.

"Um, out." Liam lied though they were going out, but not to drink, they hadn't in a while actually, Niall had quickly started preferring watching movies in Liam's bed and maybe getting to hold his hand to getting drunk. 

"What's in your backpack then? And… are you wearing bathing shorts?" Uh-oh. 

"We gotta go now, we're 18, we could even go swim at the pier at midnight if we wanted to." Niall wanted to shove Liam into the wall for saying it, even though he made it sound like a ridiculous joke, but his sister raised her eyebrows anyways, getting up now.

"Well, _are_ you?" Before Niall could think of a smart answer to talk them out of it, Liam had grabbed his hand to pull him away, towards the door. 

"No, it's not that exciting, it's just Louis' pool, okay? Bye, Nicola." She hardly had any time to answer as quickly as Liam had the door unlocked, Niall remembering last second that they needed a key to get back inside later, snatching it from the counter shortly before his arm would've gotten stuck. 

"She'll tell your parents." Sure as hell, they were half jogging side by side now, luckily not freezing, it was actually really warm, which was good because this idea was insane enough as it was. 

"We can deny it, we'll be back in a few hours when everyone is still asleep." Liam slowed down when he noticed that Niall had a hard time keeping up, to a fast walk, which was totally unnecessary actually. It was Harry who had gotten them this paranoid, he had even insisted that Louis picked everyone up a street away from their house, as if they were on a secret mission, when in reality, he was just scared of anyone seeing him. He was still the only one who wasn't 18 yet and somehow it got him thinking that the whole neighborhood would rat him out at home. "But I would probably tell my parents too if I was her, we're insane for doing this, you know, there could be god knows what in the water and-"

"Liam, you're not gonna drown or get pulled in by the Loch Ness monster, okay?" Niall chuckled, making a step outwards to avoid getting a clap on his arm by Liam.

"I'm just trying to tell you to be careful, I can't watch out for all the four of you at the same time." The thing was that Liam really meant it, he always felt like he had to take care of everybody else, Niall especially and even though he acted like he didn't need his friend to, he liked it somehow. 

"Just watch out for me then, you can carry me on your back." He winked at Liam, who probably didn't see because they had just passed by the street lantern a few meters ago. 

"I'm gonna strap you to a floating tyre, Ni." That got Niall laughing, maybe also a little bit because knowing Liam and the look he threw at him now, he probably would've really rather done this than leaving it up to Niall to take care of himself. It's true, he was clumsy, but Liam wouldn't have to worry about losing his best friend out of sight, Niall would hang all over him the whole night anyways. Like always.

When they reached where Louis had parked the car, they had a hard time not laughing, because he had seriously turned the lights off, as if they were being chased by the police or something like that. "Hey, guys."

"Hello to you too, Lou. You got any corpses in the back we don't know of yet or why are we playing seek and hide?" Niall chuckled as he climbed into the back, taking the seat in the middle next to Zayn who looked a lot like he questioned his choice of friends. 

"Yours will be there in a second if you can't be quiet." Of course it was Harry who had both gotten the passenger seat and also jumped in to defend Louis before anyone else could even react. "There was no use in turning the lights on and wasting energy just because you guys came fifteen minutes too late." 

"I thought that was part of the plan, Haz, never be on time just in case someone's following us and expecting it." Liam had to squeeze himself next to Niall, pulling the door closed behind him, obviously not bothered by the fact that their arms were overlapping and that neither could move their legs, he just smirked at Niall, equally amused by them teasing Harry who actually turned around now.

"Listen, if my parents find out about this then I'm dead, okay? We're just being careful." Then he turned back around as Louis started the car, obviously holding laughter back in, but he leaned over to kiss Harry's temple, maybe in an attempt to calm him down.

"He's just grumpy because his dad caught him and Louis shagging in the shower." Zayn was whispering quiet enough into Niall's ear so that no one else could hear over the radio, the blonde had to bite into the back of his hand afterwards so he wouldn't burst out laughing. 

"What? Like full on naked?" God, this was too good to be true, he'd never be able to tease them about it, but the thought of it was funny enough.

"Yeah, they didn't look the door. Idiots." There was a smirk on Zayn's voice as he watched Niall having a hard time to keep quiet before leaning over to put his hands on either side of Liam's ear, letting him in on the story as well.

It was actually even funnier if considered that Harry's dad wasn't the only one who had caught them, because _all_ of them had at some point.

Liam had been the first, when they had only been 15, though it had just been snogging, but the school bathroom was still not the right location for make out sessions. They had denied everything of course, even though it had been obvious from the first day on, the way Harry always went where Louis did, they had become attached by the hip after not even one week.

Then Zayn had been next, which had been his fault though because Louis had told him not to come over to his house too soon, but he had still done it, and now he would be forever scarred with the memory of the back of Louis' head and knowing what Harry's moans sounded like.

Lastly Niall's experience, which had been the wildest though he couldn't remember it that clearly. It had been the same party where the thing with him and Liam had happened, he had been shitfaced all the time and when he had walked into the guest room, well, Harry and Louis hadn't gone to sleep like they had said. There was a blanket over them though, but as drunk as Niall had been, he hadn't cared and told them to just be quiet before lying down in the same bed. 

They had kicked him off and shipped off to Liam, who had still been slightly tipsyd and kissed Niall on the lips a second time before letting him sleep on his lap. Fun memories. 

"What's there to whisper?" Louis had obviously checked his mirror to see Niall still being busy exaggerating the whole story, giggling into Liam's ear after every word.

"Niall's declaring his love to me, don't interrupt." Liam was joking, he freed his arm from being stuck in between them, wrapping it around Niall's shoulders instead.

"Aw, that's cute, now you have to kiss though. And it's almost midnight too, this is so romantic." Luckily Niall had already been finished with his story, now all he did was trying not to be too giggly over what Liam had said. Sometimes they liked to do that, pretend they were a couple before laughing over the rumors in school that had still not stopped spreading.

"Very romantic, squeezed in the backseat, with you three, smelly-"

"Hey-"

"-idiots around. Couldn't think of a better place I'd rather be." While saying this, Liam was laughing, with the crinkles showing up by his eyes that Niall loved so much and he moved even closer, pressing himself into Liam, one arm curling around the other's stomach. 

"Come here, baby." They didn't kiss for real even if Niall thought about how he could play it off as a joke later, he did press his lips very close to Liam's though, closer than normally but the other boy didn't complain. He was holding his hand up to shield their faces from the others, not letting them see whether they had just kissed for real or not, give them a little show. "Lou, can you stop the car for a second, I think I got a problem there Liam should help me with."

"God, Niall! If you really just got a hard on from this then…" Zayn didn't finish, he looked very disgusted though, pressing himself into the door while Liam and Niall just laughed, not really letting go of each other. 

"Doesn't look like it, Z. But I'm gonna keep away from them later in the water." Harry had leaned back around again, laughing as he looked away from Niall's crotch and the blonde couldn't help but suddenly feel slightly panicked even though he had started the whole thing in the first place.

One time, he had indeed gotten a hard on because of Liam, it had been stupid and he might have been a little horny beforehand, but still. Liam had been tickling him, on the bed, holding his wrists down over his head and Niall couldn't have been more thankful for the blanket covering his lower half because his sweatpants were unforgiving. He still felt slightly guilty for it, or actually, mostly for what he had done in the shower later, but it's not like he could control it, right?

The pier wasn't far away now, Liam kept his arm around Niall's shoulder, not complaining when Niall put his leg over Liam's to have more space, the conversation starting to revolve around more normal topics now. Though Zayn did throw a few more very unsure looks at Niall's pants that didn't fail to amuse him every single time. 

They had been here so many times, but it still had never gotten Niall as nostalgic as it did now when they made their way down to the dock, half falling actually, it was hard to see in the dark and neither of them had wanted to bring their phones from the car. 

"Whoever goes in last is gonna get their pants pulled down by me. And not given them back." Maybe that's why no one trusted them to ever be serious.

"If you wanted to see my dick so badly, Louis, you just had to ask." Niall was beaming now, not intending to go in last anyways as he threw his shirt somewhere onto the stones, excitement washing through his body. 

"The only dick he gets to see is mine. Try and catch me!" Then Harry shoved Niall, not hard enough to make him fall, laughing before running off, obviously determined to jump in as the first one at the end of the dock.

No way. 

"Niall, watch your step!" It was Liam who yelled after Niall as he started chasing after Harry, probably getting a funny look for that by Zayn and Louis, because he said something afterwards that sounded a lot like 'What, I'm just making sure.'.

For a second, this brought Niall out of concept, he nearly stumbled because he was busy smiling over how much Liam cared about him, but then Harry yelled something about him being able to run there twice before Niall was even halfway in the water and he picked his pace up. 

In the end, they nearly jumped in at the same time, it was more than just ice cold, Niall hadn't felt so warm anymore before either once he had taken his shirt off, but now it was almost unbearable, like swimming in a bucket of ice water. At least the water was still, maybe even Liam would calm down about it once he got here, the only danger was freezing to death probably.

"Fuck, this is ice cold!" Harry was swimming a little away from Niall, hardly more than just a dark figure to him, not that he wanted to swim any closer to the other boy, you could never trust Harry in the water. 

"You gotta keep moving, I'm sure it'll get better in a while." Niall doubted his words, but he used his own advice, trying not to get too far away from the dock yet not bump into it by accident. 

"I'm trying. Where are the others? If those cowards hide my towel I will personally-"

Before he could finish, there was another splash and a scream, obviously by Louis, he moved the whole surface of the water, nearly causing it to hit Niall's face. 

"FUCK! Why didn't you warn me?! I'm gonna die in here!" Not that there would've been a way to warn him, Niall wouldn't have done it anyway, secretly, he rolled his eyes over Louis cursing a few meters next to him. It wasn't that bad. 

"Well, come to me then, I can warm you up." Everything sounded dirty of Harry's mouth, maybe he hadn't intended to, but Niall made sure to keep the distance between him and the other two, constantly moving while watching the dark sky. It was clear, and though he wouldn't have said it out loud because the others would've called him sappy, it was kinda magical to be here at a time like this, with the moon and the stars, the silence only disturbed by Louis and Harry giggling like fucking idiots. Or maybe it wasn't so disturbing at all, being alone here would've made it a little creepy.

The next one to come in was Zayn, he didn't jump though, plus he was smart enough to test the water first, very hesitating before Niall convinced him to just do it, wanting all of them in here.

So that only left Liam, he brought all of their towels, thoughtful as he was, actually watching his steps before sitting on the end of the dock, with his legs halfway in the water, making no attempts to go inside.

Niall quickly swam over, glad to have escaped Louis trying to pull the others under water, causing a hell lot of noise because of everyone screaming. Not that anyone was around to hear them. "Come on, Li."

The water didn't even reach Liam's knees as Niall hugged his legs, mostly to not get floated away, but also a little bit because Liam was a lot warmer than the water. "You okay, yeah?"

"Sure, it's freezing cold when you get in first, but it's better now." Barely, but Niall was trying to make it sound appealing, out of anyone, he wanted Liam to stay on the dock the least. 

"Give me a second, I gotta emotionally prepare myself first. I'm not as crazy as you are, you rascal." There was so much fondness in his voice, it got Niall's throat tight as he listened to his best friend's soft laugh before he reached down to ruffle Niall's wet hair a bit. Thank god the darkness hid Niall's glowing cheeks so well. "Once you get out, don't let Harry convince you to see who can last the longest without a towel, okay? You'll get awfully sick." 

"Okay." That was really all he could reply, not even thinking about arguing or doing anything besides taking Liam's advice to heart.

"Payno! You're gonna get your pants pulled down by me, I hope you know that!" Louis interrupted them from a little further away, Niall couldn't make out who was who anymore in the darkness.

"Chill, Tommo, I'm not even in yet." Then he started to move, Niall slowly let go, creating some space for Liam to get in as well, hoping that Louis was only kidding.

"That's what he said." And then Harry broke into a fist of laughter, half choking a second later because of all the water getting into his mouth.

"Lou, if you steal Liam's pants I will stuff your towel down mine." And he would, because Niall didn't care, actually, he found his idea hilarious.

"Getting brave, Nialler? Don't think you can sneak up on me, I could see you from a hundred meters away in the dark, you're like an albino!" That had Niall looking down at himself first of all, he wasn't THAT pale, compared to Liam maybe, who was getting into the water slowly now, but he just didn't tan easily without getting a sunburn. 

"You could've told me you knew that it was me!" Referring to the text messages this morning, Niall was a little disappointed that he hadn't tricked Louis, which wasn't very surprising though.

"Nah, it was way more fun like this. Besides, you and Liam couldn't be texting anymore different than you do." Something Niall wouldn't know, he hardly texted Liam, it wasn't necessary when they were always around each other anyway. 

Finally, Liam had gotten into the water as well, not cursing as badly as everyone else had, but he didn't seem too comfortable as he swam over to Niall. "God, it really is freezing! Can we swim to where we can at least stand? I think it's not that far."

"Sure, come on." Niall would've done anything to make Liam feel warmer, plus, they were bringing even more distance between themselves and the others through that which was good if Liam wanted to keep his clothes on.

"It's kinda fascinating, isn't it? And the sky is so clear too, it's pretty." Liam wasn't ashamed to say Niall's thoughts from before out loud, only for him to hear though, they could only hear the others now if they yelled. Which they did, every two seconds. 

"Yeah. But it's sad too, before today, I never thought about that this might be the last time we come here." Not necessarily, but they'd have to focus on finals soon, and then they'd all go off to college and leave all this behind. Not each other though, they were all going to the same college, well, except for Zayn, but his was maybe ten minutes away from theirs.

"Aw, you getting emotional, Ni?" It didn't sound like teasing but Niall huffed, swimming on before he got suddenly stopped by an arm around his stomach. "Wait, I can stand here." 

Thinking that he could too, Niall tried to reach the ground with his feet just like Liam, nearly getting water into his eyes and spitting as he quickly came back up. "I can't! How tall have you gotten?!"

"I don't know, come here, I can hold you." Not having to be told twice, Niall quickly swam over to a chuckling Liam, not hesitating before wrapping his arms around the older boy's neck, flinching a little when Liam's curled around his waist. "That's a lot better, and warmer."

"True." Liam was like radiating heat or something, he was smiling down at Niall while holding him tightly, suddenly pressing a kiss to his temple out of nowhere, leaving Niall a little breathless. "What was that for?"

"Just glad I got you, is all." The flush of Niall's cheeks was terrible, he quickly put his head down onto Liam's shoulder to avoid him noticing, at least this way, Niall could warm his face up too. "Remember when we came here a few years ago, just you and me, and it started raining and we were sitting on the dock holding your towel over us to keep us dry?"

"Yeah… we were still drenched afterwards though, but the rainbow was worth it." Without noticing, Niall started smiling, not lifting his head though and just enjoying the memory like this, thankful for Liam keeping him this warm. 

"It was, but I wasn't thinking about it because of that." Curious, Niall almost looked at Liam but resisted the urge when he felt more blood streaming into his face as a kiss was pressed into his wet hair. "You nearly fell asleep with your head in my lap when it stopped raining and your cheeks were all red because of the sun when you sat back up."

Niall had fallen silent, he had no idea what Liam was going on about, or why he was able to remember this all so clearly when it had happened about two years ago, but his voice sounded soft as he continued, as if this was one of the most magnificent memories he had. 

"I don't know why I still know this so clearly, I can literally see what your face looked like if I close my eyes and that terrible joke you told me then. And all the time I could only think about one single thing." Waiting to hear what it was, Niall soon realized that Liam wasn't going to talk on, so he was forced to lift his head, surprised to still see Liam smiling at him.

"What thing?" It should've been weird to have their faces so close but it wasn't at all. 

"That day was the first time I realized it I think, because I couldn't stop staring at you and all I wanted to do was one thing only and you didn't even notice how hard it was to hold back." What…?

"Li, what are you talking about? Did the coldness freeze your brain?" The laugh got stuck in Niall's throat when he saw how serious Liam was about this, leaning a bit closer suddenly, arms tightening around Niall. 

Nothing could've prepared Niall for what happened next, Liam kissed him again, which wasn't unusual at all, just this time, he pecked Niall's lips, lingering a bit longer than normally while Niall's eyes widened in surprise, his mind completely empty when it was over. "Thanks. This was almost better than our drunken snog at Zayn's party." 

"What the… Liam? What was that for, you… you just kissed me. On the _mouth_." And Niall wasn't mad, not at all, not even when Liam laughed loudly into his face, actually, he wasn't even sure anymore why he had ever found this water cold at all, he felt warm all over. Liam had kissed him.

"Yeah, I did. Crazy, right?" Well, yeah!

He leaned forward before Niall could answer, bringing his lips to his ear and sending a thousand shivers down Niall's spine when he whispered. "I'll tell you what, if you catch me, you might get another one." 

"Li…what…" To say that Niall was utterly speechless was an understatement, he had no idea anymore what to think or what to do as Liam just kept on grinning, slowly unwinding Niall's arms from around his neck. "Liam…"

Niall could barely move back far enough to be able to stand on his tip toes now that he was on his own, not feeling the cold though, his lips were tingling, no, his whole body was as he slowly let it sink in. They had kissed. And not only that, no, Liam had promised him to do it _again_ , if Niall… caught him?

There was no time to ask what Liam's plan was because all of a sudden he just started laughing as if he had lost his mind, splashing water into Niall's face. Not in the way the others always did though, only a little bit, to wake him up from his blank stare and half open mouth maybe. "Come on, Ni, I'm right here, catch me."

"You want me to catch you? Just wait then!" Slowly, Niall got infected by his best friend's mood, returning his smile while moving closer, stretching his hand out already to touch Liam, but the other boy was faster.

It was so silly, they kept chasing each other, in the lower water where both of them could stand properly, not taking any notice anymore about what was going on further away, it was just them. Adrenaline pumping through Niall's veins from what was happening, he couldn't say that he had wrapped his mind around it yet, but he had a feeling it was something good. 

"Liam, you… Liam?" As Niall turned around, trying to calm down from his laughter because it was starting to hurt his stomach by now, Liam was nowhere in sight. It was really dark, but not dark enough for Liam to disappear, well, unless he-

"I got you!" Liam had ducked under water, making Niall scream as if he had just seen a shark instead of his best friend coming back to the surface and wrapping his arms around him, making both of them fall down. 

For a second, Niall panicked to have his face under water, but when he opened his eyes, trying to see something and not really being able to, Liam suddenly pressed their lips together again, still holding Niall pressed against him while giving him and underwater kiss. 

It wasn't as magical as maybe shown in movies, because Niall had water up his nose, plus they were quickly running out of breath, but at least this way, Niall could make sure to remember their first proper kiss that wasn't just a peck and where no one was shitfaced.

"You nearly choked me!" Niall yelled playfully as soon as they came back to the surface, dripping wet, Liam still having his arms around Niall's waist, grinning as if he had just won the lottery. 

"I'm sorry, I thought I'd be spontaneous and cute." Then he laughed carelessly, drawing Niall in closer until they were chest to chest. "So…"

"So?" The urge to jump up and down and laugh and kiss Liam again all at the same time was overwhelming, but Niall tried to keep up his poker face, slowly wrapping his arms around the other boy's neck. He couldn't believe that this was happening, yet somehow it felt natural, easy, they were so comfortable with each other already, it was as if this was completely normal to happen. 

"You liked it, yeah? You'd do it again?" There wasn't really a need to ask, Niall was pretty sure that Liam could see it written all across his face that this was what he had wanted to do as well, ever since the day he had realized that maybe he was very glad that they weren't related for real like they had wished for as kids. 

"You have to ask?" He raised an eyebrow, standing on his tip toes now, glad for the non existing distance between their bodies, he was slowly becoming aware of the cold water again now that it only reached up to shortly under his shoulder.

"I don't know… do I? It doesn't feel weird to me, you know, it's why I never asked why you came over to kiss me at Zayn's party. But since a few months, I've been really wanting to kiss you again and I… I've just been waiting for the right moment I guess." At least Liam had been brave enough to take the initiative, because Niall would've maybe never done it, he would've been too scared to get rejected, even though it seemed clear now. Of course they belonged together, they always had, hadn't they?

"You've been planning this? To half choke me underwater?" Niall's heart flattered as he imagined Liam thinking about kissing him for the past few months, he should've just done it at any time really. 

"Well, not exactly." Liam laughed, brushing Niall's wet fringe out of his face softly before cupping his cheek, thumb stroking up and down. "I just remembered what I told you before and I thought it'd be nice if I did it here. You do look a lot better than you did in my memory though." 

"I look like a wet dog right now probably, but thanks." Mostly, he was trying to joke about it because he didn't know what else to do, it was so overwhelming, to think about everything else that might happen now. 

"No, you look beautiful right now, Nialler, and I can't even fully see your face, so that means something." He was such a charmer, Niall was forced to lower his eyes because of feeling so giddy, his smile probably looked more than stupid but he couldn't help it. 

"What does that make us?" That was the only thing he was wondering about now, even though seeing the way Liam looked at him, the way he talked about Niall, it seemed pretty impossible that this had been a one time thing. 

"I think that makes you mine." As if he hadn't always been.

Not leaving any time for answers, Liam leaned down again, at first only softly kissing Niall's lips a few times, nudging them apart with his tongue then to lick inside his mouth. It was so much better than at the party, Niall grabbed the other boy tighter immediately, whining unwillingly as he kissed Liam harder, wanting to feel him everywhere at once. 

"Easy…" Liam mumbled against his mouth when they started stumbling backwards, not a nice feeling considering the stones on the ground but Niall didn't care, this was everything he wanted, run his fingers through Liam's hair, pull it, kiss him deeply, never ever letting go again. 

His mouth tasted a little bit like salt because of the water, but it also tasted like Liam now and it sent shivers down Niall's spine whenever he realized that this was Liam's tongue in _his_ mouth and Liam's hands stroking _his_ waist and back and everywhere else they could possibly reach and-

"Well, my money was on finding you guys dead or eaten by sharks, but this was my last guess." Zayn's voice didn't make them jump too much, they just pulled apart slowly, Niall blushing a bit though he didn't feel that embarrassed in front of them, he had literally seen two of them having sex.

"I win, I told you guys, I told you every day for the past eight years and here we have it. How long has this been going on you all owe me ten bucks." Harry seemed excited, no, he seemed fucking thrilled and Niall couldn't help but laugh as he leaned his cheek against the crook of Liam's neck, lowering his arms to wrap them around the other boy's waist instead. 

"For fifteen minutes, it would've been longer if you hadn't fucking interrupted us." It didn't sound mad though, Liam's attention was on Niall anyway, he was rubbing his back, holding him so tightly as if he didn't intend to ever let him go again. "Why'd you even come over here?"

"Calm your tits, Liam, we thought something happened to you guys, you've been gone for half an hour or so." Really, so long? It hadn't felt like that for Niall at all, even though now that Louis mentioned it, god knows how late it was, or maybe it was the fact that Liam was so warm that made Niall sleepy. "It's actually getting colder and not warmer."

"True, I think I'm gonna swim back and get out." Zayn threw another look at Niall and Liam still holding each other, then he smiled a little, half turned around already. "Was about time you two." 

"The good side about this is, you can't technically get anymore disgustingly sweet around each other than you have already been. Congrats." Harry seriously patted Niall's back, laughing at Liam for trying to hit his hand. "Geez, I was barely touching him, no need to get protective." 

"Come on, let's leave them to it, I'm freezing my ass off." Once Louis had pulled Harry with him, Niall got remembered that he had to swim all the way back as well, it would've taken forever to actually go outside and then walk all the way to the end of the dock. Plus, he'd be an ice block halfway. 

"Can we go too, I'm cold and I'm tired." Maybe he sounded just a little bit whiny as he rubbed his eyes, but Liam's laugh was short as he kissed Niall's head, softly pulling back then to peck his lips too.

"Yeah, come on, before you get sick, babe." Somehow the idea of getting sick didn't sound too bad to Niall, he had gotten sick a few weeks ago and Liam hadn't let him go home anymore, he had literally forced Niall to stay at his house and taken care of him. So now that they were… well, he was kinda curious to find out how much better Liam would take care of him. 

It seemed to take them forever, Liam swam a little behind Niall, so he wouldn't leave him out of sight probably because he sometimes gave him soft pushes as well whenever he felt too weak to go on. God, if Niall had known he'd get this sleepy from a little kissing and swimming, he would've convinced Liam to stay home and do all of this in his bed instead, who knows… 

"Come here, take my hand, I'll pull you up." Everyone was probably laughing at Niall for not being able to get up on the dock by himself, but he felt too much at ease to get mad. Besides, Liam was there, probably shivering like mad but still not taking his towel and rather stretching his arm towards Niall. 

Despite the fact that Niall didn't really do anything, it was still exhausting, plus he regretted it about one second afterwards because fuck, the water was a fucking hot tub compared to the air outside. "S-Shit."

Niall felt like even bending down to get his towel was too much, he wrapped his arms around himself, trying to prepare himself for moving but Liam was about ten times faster, still not covering himself but doing it for Niall first, rubbing his shoulders thoughtfully. "You'll be warmer in a second."

"I know, Liam, get a fucking towel, god, you're gonna die or something." Though it was flattering to have him care this much, just looking at Liam standing there as the only one with nothing to cover up made him shiver even more. If it would've been lighter at least then Niall could've admired his bare upper body. At home.

"That's true love, Nialler, Louis would've pushed me back into the water to get out faster." They were cuddling though, and Louis poked Harry under the towel, almost sending both of them over the edge. "See what I'm saying?!"

Niall didn't see it, he was busy covering as much of himself as he possibly could while watching Liam staying completely relaxed, even managing to smile at Niall as he wrapped the remaining towel around his shoulders, opening up his arms then. "C'mere, babe." 

He didn't have to be told twice, it was immediately warmer, not only because of now two towels around Niall and another body against his, but because simply knowing that Liam would literally do anything for him worked magic. Not that he wouldn't have done it before, he had been doing it for 8 years now and Niall couldn't have asked for anything more in his life than having this boy. Really having him now.

 

————————

 

Niall felt like he was in heaven then for the next few weeks, he hadn't been so sure the next morning, after he had fallen asleep on Liam's shoulder in the car and then hardly managed to shower before lying on top of the other boy once more.

But Liam made it seem natural, kissing Niall good morning, and then randomly during the day, maybe squeezing in a bit snogging too, but nothing else really changed, they couldn't have been cuddling more than they already had been anyways.

It became normal to Niall, they just adjusted to it naturally, not wanting to go without it anymore after one day of doing this. He was addicted to Liam's lips and his hands on his bare skin caressing him, whispering into his ear before drifting off to sleep about how he loved him more than anything else in the world. 

Not even school was a problem, since everyone had been talking about it for years, now some of their rumors finally came true after all, well, the less naughtier ones at least. Though maybe Niall wouldn't have minded reenacting some of them… only maybe.

He hadn't really done anything besides kissing, not even with the girls he had dated, but that had been when he had been 16, it hadn't been serious though, not at all actually. So he didn't feel too much like a loser for being the only one of his friends who still was a virgin. Liam wasn't, he had told Niall all about it though, it hadn't even been embarrassing to talk about it for either of them, but now that Niall thought about it sometimes, his lack of experience did make him feel a little anxious. 

"Have you guys already started studying for those shit exams? I wanted to do it last night but then Louis decided to sleep without a shirt." Too much information. 

"Yeah, Niall and I have been studying every second day actually." Which was half true, well, they had been studying but their breaks in between had been three times as long. 

It was lunch break, though none of them were really eating, Zayn was hardly looking up from his phone, obviously waiting for a text message, Louis and Harry had been discussing finals for fifteen minutes straight now and Liam was straddling the bench, leaning against the wall with Niall between his legs, leaning against the other boy, enjoying how tight the arms around his stomach were. "I'm still gonna fail, I suck at literally everything."

"No, you don't." Liam immediately jumped in, turning his head to kiss around Niall's, tickling him with his breath. "You're gonna do awesome, babe, I know it."

"Can I get a pep talk too, Li? I could need it." Louis seemed to be serious though he laughed, maybe over the way Niall sunk back deeper against Liam, intertwining their fingers over his stomach. That's one of the things he had come to love during the past few weeks, holding Liam's hand whenever he wanted to, in public, at home, whenever, Liam was always okay with it. 

"You're gonna do awesome, Lou, I know it." It sounded very sarcastic this time and Niall chuckled, happy to know that when Liam had told him, he had really meant it. "But seriously, maybe you guys should start studying too."

"Yeah, yeah, we're getting to it. No one's even opened a book except for you, Liam, and if you weren't forcing your boyfriend he would've been the last one to even think about it." That word almost made Niall jump up, neither he nor Liam had ever used it referring to each other, there was no need to anyway, they knew how they felt about each other. But hearing it now made Niall a little proud, maybe he should start calling Liam that, he was his boyfriend after all. And best friend, just everything he could imagine in one.

"I'm not forcing him at all." Then Liam seemed to just cut the conversation off my kissing Niall's hair, then his temple and cheek, causing the blonde's eyes to fall closed in bliss, feeling Liam's lips move as he whispered against his skin. "You sleeping over tonight?"

"Yeah…" He always was somehow, it was unbearable at home if his dad was there or one of the women, whoever that may be. And if no one was home, then Niall still didn't wanna sit around there and remember everything that had happened in this house. 

"Nobodies home for the night." Liam just said it like that, not explaining what his intentions were, if he even had any, but Niall immediately felt his heart beat twice as fast, quickly burying his face against Liam's neck. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing… I just wanna cuddle with you." And preferably not think about tonight, god, maybe Niall should've just brought the topic up like he did with everything else, Liam wouldn't have judged him or gotten mad, yet he was still nervous as hell.

"Okay." Then, lowering his voice impossibly much, he sent another ten million chills down Niall's spine. "I love you." 

Those three words had started to get a whole different meaning, they saved them now, not throwing them around anymore like they used to when they had been younger and loved each other as brothers. It made Niall blush deeply now, hiding his face in Liam's neck, hoping no one was listening. "I love you too." 

And hell, he did love Liam, had for a while, just ever since that day they had shared a kiss it felt as if every day waking up his heart could burst with how much more he adored the other boy. "Ni, look up."

Hesitantly, Niall gave in to the fingers on his chin trying to raise his head, Liam was smiling sweetly, brushing over Niall's cheek and tightening his arm around him before suddenly leaning in and just lightly brushing their lips together.

They had kissed in school, sure, but never really much more than a peck so Niall was really surprised when Liam tried to deepen it, softly, ignoring the presence of everyone else as he got Niall to part his lips, easily licking into his mouth just when one of the other boys cleared their throat. 

"Um, you know, I didn't plan on saying anything, but I feel very uncomfortable knowing that so many people are staring at our table." Niall felt himself blush at Louis' words, trying to pull away, but Liam held on, chuckling against Niall's lips, continuing to kiss him for a bit.

Though Niall felt slightly embarrassed, his heart was bumping incredibly fast, not only due to the fact that Liam and him were kissing but also because it was very obvious how little Liam cared, how he wasn't scared to show everyone that he loved Niall. That's why he carried on, maybe also because hell, they hadn't kissed since this morning. "Guys!"

With a final peck, Liam grinned at Niall once more, wrapping him up tightly into his arms, so that he almost couldn't use his own anymore. Perfect. "Don't wet your panties, Lou. It's not like you're so innocent." 

"Probably more innocent than you guys are, if you behave like this in public, I don't wanna know what you do when you're alone." So that was the point where Niall hid his face once more, glad to have Liam's hand shielding him because he was burning up. Why was it such a big deal to him anyways, it didn't matter that they hadn't had sex right? That he never had. "Have you, you know-"

"Louis! What the hell?!" Still, Harry was giggling as he shut his boyfriend up, probably just as interested into it, making Niall want to die. 

"Well, that's none of your business now, is it." Liam sounded calm, he held Niall tighter, kissing his head, nuzzling his face into the other boy's hair.

"So you haven't? Oh my god, I thought you had, seriously. Niall kinda lives at your house, how did you manage to not have sex?" A good question actually, Niall had no idea, it was bugging him too, in the back of his head, but none of them had ever made any attempts to. Maybe Liam didn't even want to.

"I didn't even say anything." Somehow Niall wished Liam would've answered the last question, but he stayed still, closing his eyes, breathing in Liam's familiar scent, trying not think about it.

"So, Niall is still the only virgin? I would've never thought that, remember when we were 14 and he-"

"Just shut it, Harry, okay?" As good as it felt to have Liam stepping up for him, Niall gulped, burying himself deeper into the older boy, hoping this moment would pass by soon. 

"I'm not making fun of him, I'm just surprised." Then for a moment, nobody said a word, it wasn't quiet because of all the people talking around them, but it still felt very uncomfortable for Niall.

He considered getting up and leaving for a moment, but that would've been even more embarrassing than this whole situation had already gotten. So Niall kept his eyes closed, pretending that he didn't care at all when really, now that it had been mentioned, he probably wouldn't be able to get it off of his mind anymore for the rest of the day. 

 

———————

 

Some days Niall didn't go home with Liam right after school, though it was rare but today was one of those days and he absolutely hated it.

It was just because Liam's mum had forced him to go to the dentist and though Niall would've come because he didn't care, Liam had told him to study instead and not waste his time waiting. 

So that's why Niall was lying on top of his open textbooks since about three hours now, not having read one single sentence but rather thinking about the conversation at lunch again.

Liam had made sure they fell behind a little afterwards to ask Niall whether he was alright, the guilt almost ate him alive when he had tried to fake a laugh, intertwining their fingers and saying it was alright. It wasn't though.

On one hand, Niall really wanted to get it over with because he was scared, plus he was pretty sure he wanted no one else but Liam to be his first (and only too) time, on the other hand, he really wished they could do this slow and wait. But they'd have to do it at one point, maybe Niall should just go with it, tonight, because he and Liam would be all alone anyways, and then he'd have confirmation that Liam really did want to sleep with him and he wouldn't have to be nervous anymore.

The thought of his plans alone caused Niall to almost shiver, he had literally no idea how to do this and he couldn't even ask anyone because the only person he would've felt okay to talk to about this stuff was Liam himself. Great.

His dad was home too, and some woman Niall didn't know, she greeted him though once he walked out of his room after forever, his stomach demanding food, obviously not agreeing with Niall's plans to lock himself up into his room until Liam texted him.

"You must be Niall." Who else would he be anyway, it's not like his dad would've made the same mistake twice right.

"Yeah." He barely looked as he answered, feeling a little uneasy as he went through the fridge, this was happening way too often.

"Your dad told me a lot about you." That had Niall turning his head back, she didn't look dumb enough to be here, what had caught his attention though was what she had said, because, what would his dad know about him?

"Okay." Was all he answered, trying not to sound curious, even if he was, but whatever his dad had to say about him, it was probably a big lie.

"I'm really sorry about your mum, Niall." And bam, Niall dropped the whole can of coke, almost causing it to burst open as he hurried to turn around again, eyes going wide. What the hell, why was she talking about this?! "I know this must be hard for you."

"What? What must be hard?" Seeing someone else here? Niall just looked at the woman in utter confusion, she didn't seem as if she was joking around with anything, she really did look sorry for him. 

"You know…" Then she broke off, getting up from her seat on the kitchen table, shaking her head slowly. "I mean that your dad has someone else, and the wedding and all that."

"Woah, what?!" Niall couldn't help but burst out, what the _hell_?! They were gonna get MARRIED?! "You're gonna marry my dad?!"

"Well, yeah I… oh shit. Didn't he tell you?" Their shock seemed equally as bad though Niall just froze in place, not even able to blink anymore, the open fridge and dropped coke long forgotten. He couldn't believe this, it wasn't THAT bad, it was just… something he had never thought about or even just considered. "I'm so sorry, I didn't wanna be the one to tell you this, Niall. He must've for sure told you about selling the house though once you're in college, right?"

It made click there, Niall suddenly got what was happening here without him having a clue for god knows how long. He hadn't only lost his mum, that was the worst part yeah, he had also lost his dad somehow too and now, now he was even losing his freaking home, who knew where they were gonna move together or whatever they intended to do with their lives. The only thing certain was that there was no space for Niall in it. 

"Did you hear me, Niall?" No, he wanted to say, but he didn't, because his mouth felt like it had been glued together and all he could see was the picture on the wall he had been mindlessly staring at for what felt like hours.

"I… I gotta go." Without waiting for an answer or an reaction even, Niall walked out the door, half in trance as he started putting his shoes on, mind completely blank except for one thing; he wanted Liam, the single one person that would never leave him for anything.

It wasn't even close to getting dark yet but Niall was shivering either way as he half jogged down the familiar street, it still hadn't started sinking in, the conversation from before felt like a dream now. 

If he was being honest, Niall wasn't too surprised about any of this, it wasn't a big deal at all actually, he could've expected this, right? Maybe it was because he had kept his hopes so low he had never expected that his family situation could get even worse. And now it had, with just one sentence.

Liam wasn't home yet, nobody was, but it's not like Niall needed them to, he knew where the spare key was hidden plus he was allowed to go and come as he pleased. Liam's mum had offered him to come over for any holiday and any day at all if he wanted to, so it felt pretty normal for Niall to lock up and go straight up to Liam's room, more at home here than he had ever felt anywhere else.

The smell in here was calming for Niall, he wanted to sit down actually but somehow felt too hyper to do so, his plans from before seemed far away now even if they were still bugging him in the back of his head.

Why'd all of this have to happen today? Couldn't Niall have a tiny bit of a break in between or something? Obviously not.

Another hour later, Niall now lying on the bed, holding Liam's sleep shirt pressed against his chest as a poor alternative for Liam not being here, which was forgotten as soon as someone locked up the front door. 

"Niall?" He must've seen Niall's shoes downstairs that he hadn't bothered to put away, his voice alone made Niall wanna run downstairs and throw himself at the other boy.

"I'm up here!" Sitting up, Niall's heart skipped a beat as he realized that he'd have to tell Liam what had happened now, not sure anymore if he wanted to, maybe he should just try to forget it. But it was Liam, his Liam, the only person who'd be able to understand.

The second Liam came through the door, looking a little bit confused, Niall threw the shirt on the bed, almost making Liam stumble backwards into his closet because of Niall crushing against him. "Woah, easy, babe. Are you okay? Because you're here, I mean, did anything happen?"

It sounded slightly panicked, but he held on tightly to Niall's hips, pressing his lips to his ear, not complaining over the fact that Niall was for sure hurting him with how desperately he had his arms wrapped around Liam's neck. "I'm fine… just glad you're here. Never leave again, okay?"

"Nialler, baby… what's wrong?" Everything was wrong, the warm embrace and what Liam had called him made Niall really emotional, he buried his face between his arm and Liam's neck, trying not to tear up now.

"Nothing, I… I just missed you." Well, he had missed Liam, of course, even if it sounded very clingy, but it wasn't the only reason for him being here, it was just that suddenly Niall wasn't so sure anymore if he wanted to talk about it. He had Liam after all, it shouldn't matter whatever his dad was doing or with whoever. 

"I'm here now, Ni, it's fine, okay? I missed you too, look at me." Unwillingly, he let Liam push him back softly, until their faces were only inches apart, a hand leaving Niall's hip to stroke his cheek instead as Liam studied his face, worried. "What happened? Did he do anything, I swear I-"

"Li, I didn't even see him, it's alright." Trying to smile, Niall obviously failed terribly, not even getting Liam to soften his face, so instead, he just kissed the other's lips shortly, hoping to calm both of them down. "How was it?"

"What? Oh… well, it was boring waiting without you there." Then finally, Liam's facade cracked a little, he was still stroking Niall's cheek softly, staring at his lips, a small smile appearing on his lips. "I regretted telling you to study instead about one minute after arriving." 

Relieved that they had dropped the topic now, Niall relaxed a bit, putting his hand over Liam's in his face, slowly pulling it down to intertwine their fingers. "Told you so, Li."

"I know you did." The laugh sent chills down Niall's spine, he loved that sound probably more than anything else in the world, seeing Liam happy and with his eyes crinkling up, it was impossible to not get cheered up from that. "What are you doing, Ni?"

"Nothing, come on." Still with one arm around Liam's neck, Niall was walking backwards slowly, knowing exactly what he had in mind as he pulled Liam with him, the other boy not questioning his actions and just going with it. 

When Niall's legs hit the edge of the bed he started grinning, a little faked still but Liam didn't seem to notice once he caught on, grabbing Niall tighter around his waist to push their bodies together. "I'm scared I'll fall on top of you, if-"

"Sh, Liam, other people can do this as well without having to worry." With that Niall kissed the other boy again, giggling when he heard him huff but not any less eager than Niall, immediately parting his lips to let Niall's begging tongue in.

Liam turned out to be right with his worries, though it made both of them laugh, they did have a bit of trouble getting down on the bed like this, with Niall underneath the other boy, arms wrapped tightly across his neck to keep him as close as possible. The push of Liam's body against his always got Niall feeling way too excited, it was so good to know the other boy was right there, breathe his scent in, taste him in his mouth and feel his hands on his body, all his worries just got washed away like this, suddenly the only thing on his mind was Liam. 

"Baby…" Liam's kisses had trailed to Niall's cheek, he was mouthing against his skin, one hand still intertwined with Niall's, who had his eyes closed, trying to focus on controlling his breathing and not ripping Liam's hair out. "You smell good…"

"You too…" It was hard to just get one word out when they were this close and when Liam didn't stop his wet kisses even as he got to Niall's neck, his breath feeling hot, causing Niall's thoughts to return to places they shouldn't have gone to. "Li…"

"Hm?" There it was again, Liam's hand trailing down Niall's side as he sucked on his skin lightly, but never going any further than just under his shirt, stroking gently. That's all they had ever done, snogging and this, Niall had enjoyed it for a while, he still did, it only were comments like today at lunch that made him question things suddenly. Maybe Liam didn't even want to go further, or maybe he was waiting for Niall to take the initiative and would get bored with him soon if he didn't do anything. 

"Um… you know I… I… was thinking about, um…" Nothing about this situation made it easy to talk, especially once Liam lifted his head, smiling as he brushed some hair out of Niall's forehead, his lips looking kinda swollen. 

"Just say it, Ni, it's just me." Yeah, and that was the problem somehow, Niall nodded slowly, quickly looking down while playing with the hair in the back of Liam's neck, already wanting to chicken out again because he was too nervous about all of it. "It's okay, babes, what is it?"

"Well… " With Liam's thumb rubbing over his bottom lip softly, Niall thought he'd fall unconscious any second, trying to quickly take a breath before bursting out with it, staring at Liam's chin instead of his eyes. "You… you know what Harry and Louis were talking about at lunch today…"

Maybe not a romantic thing to mention two of their best friends in a situation like this, but it was literally the only thing Niall could think of to start this conversation. The stroking didn't stop, Liam just moved his hand up into Niall's hair, placing a kiss on his cheek that made Niall look at him accidentally. His eyes were still soft. "What about it, Ni?"

"Um… can we… can we talk about it?" Actually, talking about it was the last thing Niall wanted to do, but what else should he have done, shove his hand down Liam's pants?

"Niall…" Then suddenly he broke off, a little smile appearing on his lips as he watched a very nervous Niall moving underneath him. "What are you trying to tell me, hm?"

"Stop it, Liam." Embarrassed as hell, Niall punched Liam into the shoulder lightly with his free hand, trying to be mad but he just couldn't whenever he looked at Liam. 

"But seriously now, Ni." His facial expression changed but he was still obviously amused by it, a tiny little bit at least, maybe that was a good sign, maybe he didn't need anymore explanation. "You wanna talk about it?"

"Actually I… I… don't wanna talk, I…" He didn't really know what he wanted actually, scared as he was and nervous too, somehow Niall wished he would've never said a word.

"Okay." Liam took a breath, watching Niall closely with an undefinable expression, not saying anything for a bit. "You know, if you really want to then…"

"I-I do… I mean, if… if you want to…" Did he really want to though? Niall's heart was beating so incredibly fast he was pretty sure Liam could feel it because of how close they were pressed together but he didn't comment on it, still busy playing with Niall's hair while watching him, not at all nervous as it seemed like, just thoughtful.

"I do, babe, just don't wanna pressure you, that's all." Then he smiled, pecking Niall's lips sweetly, squeezing his hand that he was still holding. "But we don't have to, I was just waiting for you to say something, it's all up to you, okay? We'll do whatever you want." 

Great, Liam was way too caring and sweet, Niall didn't want to have options, he just wanted to get it over with, because he knew it'd hurt and he was scared. Plus, Liam was the best boyfriend in the world, he didn't deserve to be kept waiting for so long, Niall just needed to stop being a pussy. "I want to, just… c-can we do it slow?"

"Look, let's just see where this goes, okay? It's just us, Ni, no need to be nervous, I'm not gonna do anything you don't want, just tell me stop." That offer sounded really nice, he trusted Liam, he knew he'd stop if Niall wanted to, he just didn't want to disappoint him now so he just nodded, trying to pull Liam's mouth on top of his again. Maybe it'd get easier once they were into it. "I love you, you know, always, no matter what."

"I-I know… I love you too." Gulping, Niall tried to return Liam's smile before tightening his arms again. "Kiss me?"

And Liam did, making quick process between the tiny few centimeters between them, gently pressing his lips on top of Niall's, licking his bottom lip until the other boy let him in, not being able to stop himself from making those tiny embarrassing noises when Liam kissed him harder and deeper, massaging Niall's tongue with his own.

Nothing was unfamiliar at first, they were just kissing until they ran out of breath, Liam's hand shoving Niall's shirt up a little bit higher, stroking his skin softly but not really doing anything. it almost made Niall think that he had forgotten about it, which was a stupid thought of course, but he still moved one hand from Liam's shoulder, down his back instead until he reached the hem of his shirt, twisting it nervously. "Liam…"

"Yes?" It was just a breath against Niall's lips, he still had his eyes closed, to make the talking a little easier.

"Can you… can you take it off?" Snogging without a shirt off wasn't new either, it was just the first time that Niall was asking Liam to undress, too nervous to do it himself.

"If you want me to." The smile in Liam's voice was very noticeable, he pecked Niall's lips once more before suddenly all of his weight was gone as he sat up, causing Niall's eyes to fly open as he watched, still on his back.

Liam was really fit, like really, quite the difference to Niall, it suddenly got him scared thinking about how pale he was and how he literally had no muscles at all, even if Liam had seen him shirtless about one billion times, but this was different somehow.

"What about yours?" He was smirking when he noticed Niall staring at him, still sitting up on his knees as he reached out for Niall's shirt that had already slipped about halfway up, but he still asked for permission anyways. "Can I?"

"Um, y-yes." Not a big deal at all, he told himself as he sat up slowly letting Liam lift his shirt up and helping to get it over his head, very careful not to look at the other boy afterwards but rather trying to control his breathing once more. Why had no one ever warned him that having sex was this nerve wrecking?

"Lie back down…" Liam's voice was low now, he had his arm loosely around Niall, pressing a kiss to his temple. "Don't worry, we're taking it slow, remember?"

"Mhm…" Shifting up the bed a little and away from Liam, Niall slowly got onto his back again, this time with his head on the pillow, waiting for his boyfriend to lie back down on top of him again as well, but he didn't.

Liam still had that small smile playing around his lips as he got down next to Niall, on his side, gently moving his arm under Niall's head so they could be closer, other hand nearly cutting Niall's breathing off as it came to a rest on his chest. "Babe, look at me."

Niall was glad he had even heard Liam so he could moved his head a little so their eyes met, wrapping his arms back around Liam's neck, as support kinda, though he didn't even know why he needed it. "W-What?"

"It's okay, I promise. I'll go slow and I'll make you feel good, I promise, just tell me when to stop, okay?" Waiting for another nod, Liam fitted his mouth to Niall's again, deepening it immediately while his flat and slightly rough but warm palm moved to Niall's stomach, rubbing it a bit before stroking back up, all very slowly and yes, a little as if he was teasing Niall.

He couldn't help but moan a little into Liam's mouth moved as the other boy dragged his thumb over his nipple, suddenly starting to twist it lightly before doing the same thing to the other one, all while distracting Niall with hard and long strokes of his tongue in his mouth.

The thing was, Niall hadn't had too much breath to begin with, but then the snogging had started and he had slowly started running out, so when Liam moved his hand down to the hem of Niall's jeans, he had to push the other boy back a little, their lips still almost touching when Liam whispered. "Still okay?"

"Y-Yes…" Kinda curious now, Niall didn't feel too nervous this time as Liam fumbled with the button of his jeans, sucking on his neck meanwhile because it took him quite a while to get it open with just one hand. 

And then, without a real warning, Liam moved his hand into Niall's jeans, cupping the bulge that was already starting to form over Niall's boxers, making the younger boy moan embarrassingly loud for just rubbing a little. No one had ever touched Niall besides himself, maybe his reaction wasn't so inappropriate considering this. "Okay?"

"Y-Yeah… L-Liam…ugh…" His chest was moving a little too fast, Niall let his eyes fall closed, arching his back a little when the strokes became harder, Liam's breath hitting his spit slicked lips.

"Just let me, babe, gonna make you feel so good." Hell, he already was.

For a bit, Liam just kept this up, obviously enjoying Niall's too heavy breathing and the whimpers he couldn't hold back, pulling his hand out of Niall's jeans then to slowly spread his legs a bit further with one hand, bringing his mouth close to the other boy's ear.

"Lift your hips a bit, okay?" Niall did without questioning it, he just hoped Liam wouldn't undress him completely, but when the other boy started pulling down both his jeans and boxers, it was too late to prepare for Liam seeing him naked the first time in his life.

He didn't pull his clothes down all the way, just enough to expose Niall to the rather cold air in the room, making him hiss sharply but not opening his eyes, just clinging to Liam, nervousness pooling in his stomach.

"It's okay, Ni, it's okay. Tell me if you don't like it." Before Niall could take all of this in, Liam had already spit into his hand according to the sound, not leaving his boyfriend a lot of time to prepare himself before he had already wrapped his hand around Niall's shaft, stroking slowly.

"Fuck…" Was literally all that Niall could say and think, have another hand wrapped around him literally left his mind blank to everything but this feeling, it was so good, he was sure he could've cum right there if he hadn't held back to enjoy it a little, not being able to hold his moans back anymore now. "God, Liam… ugh… s-so good…mmmh…"

"Yeah?" Going faster now, Liam started sucking on that sensitive spot on Niall's neck again, not stopping the other boy from automatically thrusting his hips up into his fist, moaning when Liam pressed his thumb to the slit. "Faster?"

"Y-Yes, please…" Liam's slightly rough hand had always fit perfectly into Niall's, now he suddenly realized that it felt even better to have it doing something else, fastening up again after Niall's request, always making sure to do a full stroke.

"You're so beautiful, baby, so perfect, I love seeing you like this, when you're all flushed. I love you so much, Ni." He held Niall close with his second arm, pressing sloppy kisses into his face, not minding the sweat starting to form or the fact that Niall's fingernails broke skin on Liam's shoulder at one point. Not that Niall could've helped it, he was a moaning mess and they both knew it.

"L-Love you too… shit… Li, c-can you…" Not having to finish, Liam started stroking him even faster, causing Niall's head to fall back onto the pillow as he let go for a second to touch his balls for a bit before going right back to it, puling on the sensitive skin, obviously knowing exactly what he was doing. Or maybe he didn't, Niall wouldn't have noticed anyways, every touch of Liam felt way too intense, he had to actually bite his bottom lip now, trying so hard to hold back, if he hadn't been so far gone he would've maybe been embarrassed for being this close after five minutes.

"It's okay, babe, let go, come on." Before Niall could answer, or better, attempt to, Liam was kissing him again, hard, using the change that Niall's mouth was already parted to deepen it, pressing his head into the pillow.

Two or three strokes was all Niall needed after that to be pushed over the edge, moaning lowly into Liam's mouth as the other boy didn't back off, working him through it and not slowing down until Niall came down again, his mind completely blown from this experience. Fuck.

They kept kissing for a while, with every second passing by Niall felt his worries and nervousness return, suddenly extremely scared about what was to happen next and also the fact that he was practically naked, he didn't regret letting Liam do this, not at all, but still… 

"Was it alright?" Liam had pulled back just enough so he could talk, staring down at Niall, his hand resting against Niall's stomach, probably all messy, but Niall didn't even wanna check actually to know what Liam had seen every time looking down.

"More than that, Li… I… I don't think I've never come this hard before." It was true, but as soon as it was out Niall felt weird for saying it, he wasn't too used talking about this stuff, but as he looked at Liam's face just inches above his, the other boy's smile got even wider.

"I'll get a tissue, wait." The kiss on Niall's nose made things a little better as Liam slowly pulled his arm out from under him, his hand leaving Niall as he stretched over to reach his nightstand while Niall tried not to freak out. Why couldn't he calm down, why did he want to get dressed again just like Liam still half was?

"I-I can do it, I-"

"No, it's fine come on." It wasn't fine really, but Niall didn't know how to convince Liam to do it himself, at this point, he was really just embarrassed for being the only one with no clothes to cover him up fully. All he wanted right now was to cuddle with Liam and nothing else, going no further, especially not all the way, he was certain now that it'd hurt really badly, but he didn't wanna be a coward and disappoint his boyfriend. "Alright... you okay, baby?" 

"Yeah… 'm fine." Niall started kicking his jeans and boxers down all the way, deciding that he wouldn't feel as stupid if he was at least fully naked. Wrong, it made everything worse, even as Liam half lied down on top of him again, arms on either side of Niall, softly kissing his lips. "Liam…"

"Yeah, what's wrong?" His fingers felt cool in Niall's face because of how hot he felt, not being able to fully enjoy Liam's strokes, he was trembling really badly now and Liam probably noticed because he looked pretty worried.

"Um… forget it, just… s-slow, please?" He had meant to ask the other boy to stop, now he wanted to slap himself for not backing out, seeing Liam nod before kissing Niall again.

For a while, Niall let it happen, he tried to enjoy it because yeah, Liam's kisses and touches all over his body felt really good, but once the other boy was naked too, Niall started to kinda lose it completely. Actually, he had to fight back fucking tears about how scared he was when Liam kissed down his stomach, treating Niall with as much care as he possibly could, but it didn't help. "L-Liam, I-I…"

Immediately, Liam sat up, worry written all across his face as he reached out for Niall's face, moving up a bit to cup his cheek softly, rubbing his thumb over the skin gently. "What't the matter, Ni? You seem really nervous the whole time, babe, are you sure about this? You know I told you we don't have to, talk to me."

Not wanting to admit it, Niall started biting his fingernails until Liam made him stop suddenly, holding Niall's hand in his instead, trying to get Niall to look at him obviously even if the younger boy didn't want to at all, he eventually gave in when Liam asked him again, hoping his voice wouldn't break away. "How… how mad are you gonna be at me if… if I ask you to, um… to s-stop?"

"Oh, Niall." Just a moment long, Niall thought Liam would actually get mad at him, but it was the complete opposite, Liam wasn't pissed at all as he started showering Niall's face in kisses, he actually seemed a little sad. "Why didn't you tell me earlier, Ni? You know that we can wait and just do whatever you feel comfortable with until then, I'd never want you to force yourself, okay? Promise me, if you ever start feeling unsure about it again, you tell me immediately."

"Y-Yeah okay, I just… I didn't wanna disappoint you and… I'm scared about it, I… wanted to get it over with and… I'm sorry, Li, really, I don't know why I'm such a coward, I-"

"Hey, hey, stop, okay? First off, you're not disappointing me, how could you ever? Especially because of something dumb like this. Secondly, this is not something to get over with, it should mean something, alright? And you happen to mean the world to me and I don't care how long we wait, but you should be 100% sure and enjoying this. And thirdly, never ever be sorry about not being ready, Ni, you're not a coward. All I want is for you to be alright, you get that? Nothing else matters, just _you_." Relief washed through Niall at hearing this, he quickly wrapped his arms around Liam's neck, turning until he was able to bury his face against the other boy, both of them lying sideways now.

"Thank you." He breathed against Liam's skin, taking in his scent, not minding so much about them having no clothes on anymore, he just wanted to be close to Liam, get cuddles and kisses until he could forget his worries.

"Don't do that. Don't thank me for doing the only right thing, I would never force you into anything, you're my number one priority, babe, you always have been, don't you know that after 8 years?" The warmth settling in Niall's stomach felt wonderful, he could've laughed if he hadn't been so busy replaying every single one of Liam's words in his head, reminding him that he had somehow managed to get the best boy in the whole world. "Let's get some clothes, come on."

They got dressed after that, Niall borrowing some of Liam's stuff because he hadn't gotten anything from home but partly also because he just wanted to wear it anyways.

It was still a very nice day after all, Liam even made them something to eat, almost burning it all because Niall got bored watching and wrapped his arms around the older boy from behind instead, distracting him the whole time and making him laugh, not being able to hide his affection now, he felt like he adored Liam even more after that, if that was even possible.

"Hey, babe…" Niall was straddling Liam's lap in bed, not wanting to stop kissing him, quite enjoying the hands on his hips as well when Liam suddenly pulled away, rubbing Niall's sides. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, what?" Right now, all Niall felt was happy, he had his arms around Liam, he had just gotten to kiss him for hours straight and snuggle into him, plus it was all warm now and comfortable. The only thing wrong was Liam's face.

"Before I came home, why did you wait in my room? And don't get me wrong I love when you're here, I was just wondering, because you didn't take any stuff with you and… I'm just worried and I can't get it out of my head." Of course he'd ask at some point, just because Niall had forgotten about it, it didn't mean that Liam had too.

"Well…" Niall didn't wanna lie anymore, he decided to just put it the most normal way possible, not planning on telling Liam how much it had shocked him, taking Liam's hands off his hips to intertwine their fingers. "One of my dad's… girlfriends or whatever was home. And she started talking to me and um… she kinda told me something she shouldn't have, I think."

"What was it?" Liam was so cute when he cocked his head, it almost made Niall lose track, but he shook his head quickly, as if to focus again.

"Um, they… they're getting married and my dad he… he'll sell the house once I'm in college, so… " So basically, Niall would have no place to come home to anymore, he wouldn't have a home anymore in general because he was pretty sure the new place was not meant for him to ever even see the outside. "I just … was a little shocked and… I didn't wanna talk with her so…"

Other than Niall had planned, Liam did get alarmed by this immediately, squeezing Niall's fingers softly, not leaving him out of his sight after leaning forward to kiss his nose. "Babe, don't worry about it, okay? You're more at home here than at your dad's house anyways, you know you can always come here, right? No matter what."

Which was the only thing that had kept Niall going, he felt himself smiling, pecking Liam's lips, already calm again. "I know. And anyways, I got you and we'll go to the same college, I don't think I need to go anywhere at all if you're just there." 

Expecting Liam to return the smile and agree, it threw Niall off track completely as he saw the other boy lower his eyes instead, not so excited as it seemed like. "Babe, I…"

"What? What's wrong?!" Niall's face slowly froze as Liam furrowed his eyebrows, shaking his head a little as he took a breath, suddenly looking up again with a face that looked far from happy. What was going on… "Liam?"

"We gotta talk about something. Actually, I gotta tell you something and I… you're not gonna like it." The second it was out, Niall's heart started bumping very uncomfortably, he immediately assumed Liam wanted to break up with him, maybe even end their friendship, who knows, oh god, please, no.

"You're scaring me…" His voice was only a whisper, slowly pulling his hands out of Liam's grip, Niall hugged himself instead, not being able to deal with this at all, he felt like he couldn't even move off of Liam's lap. 

"Okay, listen to me, Ni, whatever I tell you, I love you, I love you so much and that won't ever change okay? Just please, please don't freak out immediately." This sounded a hell lot like a break up, Niall flinched terribly as Liam cupped his face, sad eyes as he pressed his lips to Niall's forehead before starting to rub his arms, looking down as he half whispered. "I didn't get accepted."

"What?" For a moment, Niall was just relieved that it wasn't a break up, but then it sunk in and none of it made sense to him, what was Liam saying?!

"I didn't get into the college you, Harry and Louis did." They were staring at each other, Liam looking beyond sad, Niall shaking his head over and over again, not being able to believe it. This was a joke for sure.

"Li, stop kidding, okay? You got the best grades out of all of us, why wouldn't they take you. That's not funny." He didn't laugh though, he didn't even feel Liam's arms around him as he pulled Niall closer, a very unfamiliar expression on his face. Desperation.

"They got too many people applying, they didn't take me because I… I got a scholarship to another college. I didn't wanna take it, but I… I don't have a choice now." Why had Niall not known about a fucking _scholarship_?!

"Why… I don't… is this for real?! You didn't tell me, you got a scholarship?! Hell, how long have you known all this, how long have you known you and me won't…" Oh god. What the fuck was Niall supposed to do now, he didn't have a backup plan, this couldn't be happening, he needed Liam, Liam couldn't leave him all alone.

The answer took some time, while Niall was in between waiting for Liam to tell him it had been a joke and crying and slapping the other boy across the face. "I've known for a while…"

"You didn't tell me, you just… " Could this really be? Was this really _Liam_? "Have you known before…"

Waving a finger in between them, Niall thought he would suffocate as Liam nodded carefully, still holding onto Niall tightly, all while watching his face worriedly, kissing his forehead as he answered. "Yeah."

That's when Niall lost it, like really lost it, because he finally got that this wasn't a freaking joke, that the one thing he had always feared the most was happening right now. "Let me fucking go."

Liam wasn't quick enough to keep Niall on the bed, though he grabbed his arm as Niall was just about to storm out, his tears had already spilled over, a sob leaving his mouth as he weakly fought against Liam's grip on his upper arms, sight all blurry. "Baby-"

"Don't call me that, Liam! Don't call me anything at all okay?! You're a fucking liar, you promised me, you promised you'd never leave me, why did you kiss me when you knew this all along?! Why didn't you tell me right away, would you have made me wait until a day before if I hadn't said anything?! You promised!" Deep down, of course Niall knew that it wasn't Liam's fault at all, that he hadn't said anything to protect Niall from exactly this outbreak. But he was too disappointed and hurt, hell, his whole world had just crashed in front of his eyes. He'd lose Liam.

"Listen to me, Niall, just listen!" Liam shook him, gently though, he didn't look mad, he looked incredibly sorry and hurt too, but Niall didn't care right now, all he cared about was that he didn't wanna live anymore. "I didn't tell you because I knew that exactly this would happen. I kissed you because _I love you_ and me going somewhere else doesn't change that! I'm not leaving you, not now, not ever, I promised we'd go to the same college and I tried, Niall, but this is not my fault and I can't change this. I don't wanna hurt you, baby, I wanted this just as badly as you did, trust me, I cried too when I found out, but this doesn't mean anything at all, okay? Nothing." It did mean a lot to Niall, actually, it meant everything, he knew that Liam would be fine somewhere else on his own, but he knew that he himself wouldn't.

The anger suddenly turned into complete desperation, Niall knew that nothing could be changed about this situation but he still didn't wanna believe it as he grabbed onto Liam's shirt tightly. "I-I can't do this without you… I can't be without you, Li, you're all I have, god… I-I… how far is it away?"

"Two hours…" There was a sigh, Liam finally let go of Niall's arms, bringing his hands up to his face instead, attempting to softly wipe the tears that wouldn't stop coming, he didn't really succeed. "Niall, this is not so bad, okay? I'm always there for you, I promised you and I keep my promises, baby, you know that."

Feeling another sob coming up, Niall let go of Liam's shirt, wrapping his arms tightly around the other boy instead, crying into his shoulder now. He was shaking so badly, it started to hurt, this was so awful, how did he deserve all this shit at once?! "B-but I… I w-was looking f-forward to i-it a-and…"

"I know, Nialler, me too. I'm so sorry, you have no idea how much I wish I could stay with you, okay? But we can do this, babe, I know we can. You're so strong, Ni, you don't even need me for this, and you can always call me and text me and we'll still see each other anyways, lots, okay?" Liam's voice sounded pained, he held Niall so tightly, almost squeezing all the air out of him while rocking him in his arms, pressing kisses over kisses into his messy hair. 

"I-I d-don't w-wanna be a-away from y-you…" Not even five minutes, how'd Niall survive this, seriously? 

"Shsh, me neither, Ni, trust me. You mean everything to me, baby, everything and I hate myself for hurting you like this, all I can do is promise you that nothing will change, okay? I swear to god, nothing has to change between us and we can still get the tattoos after graduating like we wanted to. I love you so much, we still got time, okay, graduation is a few weeks away, we'll figure this out, I promise." His words didn't fully come through though, it sounded more like he tried to calm himself down too, because suddenly Niall got really scared.

What if Liam found someone else while he was away? What if he got sick of the distance and broke it off? He meant his promise now, but what would happen in one or two years?! 

Niall wasn't sure if he wanted to find out. Liam was his family, the only thing in the world making him feel safe and loved, sure he'd have his other three friends there, but none of them were his boyfriend.


	4. 4 years go

————4 years ago————

"Goodnight, Li…" For a moment, Niall felt slightly dumb for doing it, but considering no one else was in his room, he leaned forward quickly, kissing the screen of his laptop before throwing another look at the boy who had just fallen asleep while skyping. It wasn't too surprising really, considering that they had talked for almost 3 hours straight, but it still felt like it wasn't enough. It never was.

With a sigh, Niall broke off the call, closing his laptop before getting out of bed to look out of the window. Everything was dark outside, something you'd expect at midnight, Niall shouldn't have even been here actually, he had cancelled all the plans he had made after Liam had told him that his exam was only a day later and he could study tomorrow.

So now Niall was alone, well, he always was ever since he had gotten a single room in his dorm last year, which was great, him and his roommate had never gotten along. Maybe because Niall had started crying like a fucking baby at least three times in his first year and had practically forced Liam to take a train for two hours and come over. 

Niall checked his phone as he stepped away from the window, quickly reading through what Harry had sent him before shoving it back into his pockets, getting his wallet and keys from the desk. Going out didn't sound like a good idea right now, but it did sound better than being alone and awake the whole night through.

Things had changed, a lot. The first year here had been absolute hell for Niall, he hadn't been used to not seeing Liam every day, somehow he had managed to get through the year and not fail at every exam and once it had been over, Liam had offered he could try again and transfer to Niall's college.

He had told Liam no.

The college his best friend went to was way better than Niall's, plus he had a scholarship that he'd be stupid to give up, something he would've done, but Niall would've felt too guilty and selfish for agreeing. 

At this point, after almost three years, he wasn't sure anymore what they were, they skyped regularly, visited each other, texted and spoke on the phone, but it was still so painful saying goodbye each time, Niall didn't think it'd ever get better. It's just, the kisses had gotten less and they had replaced it with conversation, trying to keep each other updated on their lives. They also didn't really do anything anymore except for cuddling, maybe hold hands once a while, and they hardly ever stayed over night whenever they visited each other.

Niall remembered their first time very clearly, it had been after graduation, he had been so scared of losing Liam, he had forgotten to be nervous and embarrassed about it. Yeah, it had hurt but it had been wonderful, mind blowing, they had slept with each other a few times afterwards, but it had stopped too, like, a few months ago.

Maybe they weren't dating anymore, Niall had no idea, he would never go and do something with anybody else though, he loved Liam just as much, only now he always felt a stinging pain in his heart whenever he thought of the other boy. Somehow it made no sense to talk about it though, because what could they do right, Niall was just happy if he got to see Liam at all, and hear his voice, he missed his touches, and all the 'i love you's, but at least Liam wasn't out of the world, at least he would still always come if Niall asked him to. He hadn't completely lost his best friend like he had always feared, even though, somehow he had lost his boyfriend instead.

The bar Louis and Harry sometimes dragged Niall to was only a little down the street, he used to be scared of walking there all by himself at night, but Niall did feel like he had grown up a lot during the past few years.

He wasn't that scared, whiny kid anymore that depended so much on one single person that it was unhealthy, he also didn't call Liam crying anymore, somehow he had adjusted, not gotten over it, but he had finally realized that there was nothing any of them could do. 

It was really crowded for it being a thursday, Niall had to squeeze past a lot of people, resisting the urge to cover his ears as he got on his tip toes sometimes, trying to get a sight of his friends. Maybe Zayn was there too, though it would've been unusual because he always went out with his other friends now, even if he only went to college like a few minutes by foot away. 

"Nialler!" Louis's voice somehow was loud enough to make him turn around, seeing him and Harry sitting by the bar and just talking, thank god, they seemed very sober as well. 

"Hey." Niall just slid into the free seat next to Harry, pretending that he didn't realize how they both turned to look at him as he ordered a beer. 

"You okay, yeah?" Harry sounded a little unsure, he had Louis' hand on his thigh and Niall tried his best not to look. He envied them terribly, for having everything he had ever wanted. 

"Sure, I'm fine. Just took a bit longer than planned, is all." Actually, he had never even planned on coming here at all, if Liam hadn't slept in, maybe they would've just skyped the whole night through, Niall would've preferred that. 

"How's Payno?" It sounded very casual, but Niall didn't even turn his head as he took his beer to take a sip, trying to stay calm and act as if he didn't care.

"He's good, you know." Of course he was, he had extremely good grades plus Niall was sure he had tons of friends even if he hardly talked about them, maybe because if there was one thing Niall hadn't gotten under control, it was his jealousy. He trusted Liam, but right now he wasn't sure if they were even still together, if Liam missed him just as much as the other way around. The fact that maybe he didn't hurt more than anything else ever could've. "He's coming tomorrow."

No one mentioned how surprising this was, Niall and Liam hadn't seen each other in person in what felt like months, it had only been three weeks and a few days though, but Niall was still suffering, even if Liam had promised he'd stay until saturday. Very rare, which was why Niall tried not to get his hopes up, maybe he'd cancel. "Oh, really? Send him over to come say hi if, you know… if you guys are not too busy."

The sad thing was, Harry and Louis knew that things were not going too well, they knew but they didn't say a word. Well, hadn't until now, because Harry's smile was quite shaky and Louis suddenly cleared his throat, leaning forward a little.

"Actually, Niall…" Niall could feel what was coming now, he quickly took his beer again, trying to mentally prepare himself for having to defend a relationship he wasn't even sure still existed. "Can we talk about something?"

"Sure, what?" No, no we can't, Niall felt like screaming, instead he smiled at Louis, pretending not to notice both their stares. 

"You know, it's just, we… we were wondering if you're alright." A good question actually, was he?

"Why wouldn't I be?" Well, Niall could think of a million reasons why, but he tried to not let it show, looking down at the beer in his hands again, trying to think of Liam's face before when they had skyped. 

There was a moment of silence, obviously both his friends felt uncomfortable now, it was Harry then who spoke up again, softly, as if he was trying to tell Niall some horrible news and was scared of his reaction. "Because of Liam and… well, we know that you guys… that it's not going so well."

What an understatement. "What's not going well?"

"Well-"

"Niall." Louis suddenly jumped in, cutting Harry off, he had a firm look on his face as Niall checked, one that made his hands sweaty about what was to follow. Why hadn't he stayed at his dorm? "We noticed, okay? And it's fine if you don't wanna talk about it, we understand. But if you ever wanna talk, you know, we're here, you're one of our best friends and we're worried about you."

"And also…" As if this wasn't bad enough, Harry felt the need to add something else, as if Niall wasn't already feeling bad enough about the fact how obvious things between him and Liam were going downhill. "Maybe it'd get better if… if you tried to get to know other people a bit. There's this guy and he's asked me about you, he's in my lectures for-"

"Wait, wait, what?! You're trying to hook me up? Are you fucking insane?!" His mouth had dropped open as he got what was going on, did Harry and Louis think that he and Liam were over?! Did it look like that for other people?! "We didn't break up, okay? It's just… it's complicated sometimes, okay? That's all."

"Ni-"

"I said that's all, okay? I'd like to see you guys trying to be in a stupid long distance relationship, it's not fucking funny all the time okay, but it doesn't mean we're over and that I go fuck random guys Harry stumbles over in his stupid lectures for god knows what! I love him, I'm not gonna go and give him up, ever." Something inside Niall had just snapped like that, if the music hadn't been so loud, they would've gotten stared at for sure as he half smashed the beer on the counter, putting a fiver next to it, already on his feet.

"Niall, I didn't mean it like that and you know it, don't leave now, we don't have to talk about it anymore, just stay." Harry cursed something under his breath as he reached out for Niall's wrist, trying to stop him from leaving but he had crossed a line, and Niall wasn't gonna sit here and pretend that he wasn't hurt, he shouldn't have come in the first place.

"No, I'm actually tired, I'm gonna go. See you." Obviously he was furious rather than just the tiniest bit tired, Harry tried saying something else as Niall turned to leave, but Louis stopped him with something like 'Let him go' and Niall thought that maybe this could've also been directed to him. 

 

—————

 

_Liam 03:17 pm_

_babe, i can't make it, i'm sorry! i will come next week, i promise. x_

 

Of course, of course he wouldn't come, of course he cancelled and promised something else, expecting Niall to believe him just like that when he had just broken yet another promise.

Tears were pooling in Niall's eyes that he tried to force back inside his body angrily as he shoved his phone into his pockets, not even wanting to send an answer when he was this angry. 

The worst part was, Liam hadn't even given him an explanation and he had told Niall five minutes before his damn train would arrive, not even before he had been supposed to get on, making him believe that he would come until last minute.

Yeah, it hadn't been planned that Niall would come and pick him up, but he had been too excited to see Liam after three weeks, he had been sitting at the train station for at least half an hour, getting happy when his phone had vibrated because he had thought it was Liam telling him that he'd be there soon and that he couldn't wait to see Niall either. Very wrong obviously.

Niall didn't get up, he just remained seated, waiting for the train to arrive, somehow still hoping that Liam had just been kidding, as a stupid surprise, but he wasn't among the people getting out, he wasn't gonna go come see Niall. Maybe he would never come see him again, maybe that was it.

If there would have been at least a 'i love you' at the end, just anything Niall could grip onto to not lose hope but there wasn't. What if… what if Liam didn't even love him anymore? What if this was his way of saying it without actually having to? What if he had someone else?

It was as if someone else was controlling Niall's body as he got up from the bench, not even quite thinking about what the fuck he was going to do in two hours but he didn't really care as he half jogged into the other direction, a way that he knew way too well.

He squeezed himself past just seconds before the doors closed, some woman complaining because Niall stumbled right into her, then again as soon as the train started moving, but he didn't care. Suddenly, his idea seemed brilliant, the best he's ever had in years, if Liam wasn't gonna go come see Niall, Niall would just go visit him instead, he didn't care what Liam was so busy with, Niall was fine with just watching Liam studying, anything, if he could just be around him.

For a while, Niall contemplated finally talking about things with Liam, ask him where their relationship was going, but he dropped the thought when too much excitement bubbled up in him at the thought of seeing Liam after three weeks.

That always happened, Niall panning to confront his best friend, but then when he finally saw him, he didn't wanna ruin it, he just wanted to talk and talk and hold Liam's hand and stare at him. The worries only came after they were on their own again, it was a vicious cycle.

After about an hour, Niall started to question his decision, like, he hadn't even packed anything, he literally only had his money and phone, but there was nothing to do now, he was already here, he couldn't go back. He had done this before, a handful of times maybe, in his first year, and Liam had scolded him, playfully, saying that whenever Niall needed him, he should just tell Liam to come and he would, any time. 

But that had been before Liam had started canceling their plans. 

It felt way longer than two hours, Niall was nervously biting around on his thumb once he got out, not having to think about where to go or what bus to take, though he hadn't been here in about a month or two, he'd never forget the way to Liam's dorm. Once he had thought that maybe it would be like back at their hometown here, but it had never come to that. How could it, with them living so far away from each other.

"Hey, Niall!" Some people greeted him as he walked around the dorm, looking for Liam's door, a little jealous whenever he saw one of the students living here. They got to see Liam every single day, how was that any fair? 

"Hi…" Not really into the mood, Niall hurried up a little, kinda nervous now, a lot actually, his heart was pressing against his ribcage, excitement bubbling through him as well as fright that Liam might not want him here. That he'd reject him.

The second Niall raised his hand to knock on the familiar door, he wasn't sure what he was gonna do once Liam opened, he really wanted to kiss him, extremely badly, but the last time they had kissed had probably been months ago, it had only been a peck as well and-

"…I'll be right back, I… Niall." Liam froze in the doorframe after opening up, obviously talking to someone inside his room before he saw Niall, eyes going wide, his hand gripping the door so hard his knuckled turned white. "Niall, what… how did you…what?"

Right, Niall hadn't planned this out, he was just staring at Liam, taking him in, how gorgeous he was, how badly he wanted to just throw himself at the other boy and never let go again. But he didn't. "I just… I wanted to see you…I…"

Which was the truth, he almost told Liam that he had missed him, but then he shut up, watching the other boy shift around, as if he was nervous, nervous about talking to Niall. "I'm sorry I didn't come, Ni, I just-"

"Liam, who is it?" That voice made both Niall and Liam freeze, it was a female's very obviously, and before Niall knew what he was doing, he had half pushed Liam out of the doorframe, stumbling inside the room. And his blood turned to ice.

Liam didn't share his room with anybody, yet there was a girl lying on his _bed_ , though she was fully dressed, she looked pretty comfortable there, holding some book as she eyed Niall, surprised as it seemed to be. Well, she wasn't the only one. "Nialler, that's just-"

"No. No, not this time, Liam. I'm so done with this, I'm gonna leave, I just… no." His voice was calm, only because he couldn't believe it, Liam had cancelled to hang out with some random girl, god knows who she was, maybe they weren't just friends, maybe Liam had just been about to fuck her. Niall wanted to throw up, he didn't look at either Liam or the girl as he hurried out into the hallway again, ignoring the yells behind him.

"Niall, wait! Fucking let me explain this, okay?! Just… fuck, wait!" Liam had always been faster than Niall, he caught up in no time, grabbing the blonde's wrist and turning him around, his face looked desperate. "Niall, look, she-"

"Shut up, Liam! Just shut up, okay? I don't wanna hear it! I don't care why you didn't come today, I just don't care anymore, okay?! But if you didn't love me anymore, you could've just fucking told me!" Finally, it bubbled out of Niall, he was so close to tears, pulling to get his arm free, but Liam didn't let him, shock written all across his face now. "You could've at least had the decency to not fuck her in the same bed you fucked me!"

At least that woke Liam up, maybe also a few people around but Niall couldn't bring himself to care, his tears were spilling over. "I'm just tutoring her, god dammit, Niall!" 

"So you cancelled because you had to tutor some random girl?! You decided you didn't wanna see me after _three weeks_ , just so you could study with her? You expect me to believe you?! Fucking let me go already!" He pulled harder, but all it did was make Liam grip him even tighter, stepping closer even though Niall was desperately trying to get away. He wanted to go home now, finally ready to accept Louis' and Harry's offer and tell them everything, have them hold him while he cried because no one's held him in so long. 

"No! I didn't just cancel randomly because of her, I have to study too, I didn't do so good on my exam, okay?! Calm down, Niall, you can come stay in my room if you-"

"Oh what a nice offer, thank you so much Liam, for allowing me to hang out with you, thanks, you're too good for this world!" The sarcasm just slipped through, Niall just wanted to hurt him now, hurt Liam as much as he was hurting Niall the whole time and it seemed to work, his face got hard.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! You have no reason at all to get on this level, Niall, no reason at all to-"

"Oh no? I've got every reason in the world to yell at you all I want Liam, who the hell even are you?! I _never_ cancelled our plans, I _always_ ask you to stay over night, it's always _me_ who asks when we can see each other again, _never you_! So go decide now Liam, because I'm done here, I don't even know what we are anymore, you don't kiss me anymore, you hardly even touch me if we do get to see each other. It's always me who tries to do something and I don't want to anymore. I fucking love you, okay? So much that it hurts me every day we don't get to see each other, I _miss_ you, so damn much. You mean the world to me, it'd be nice if you'd finally made up your mind about what I mean to you." The grip around his wrist was loosening and Niall finally pulled away, shaking his head slowly as he walked backwards, not really looking at Liam anymore, who had fallen into silence. "I came here because I thought you would be excited to see me, I thought… I thought you had a good reason to not come and visit me, I thought maybe you had to study and I could help you, like we have when we were younger. But you got her now, so."

"Niall… don't go." It was so quiet, Niall almost didn't catch it, but he did stop for a second then, for the first time taking in Liam's appearance, he looked horrible actually, dark circles under his eyes, hair messy, only wearing some sweatpants and the shirt Niall used to always steal. "Stay, please, let's talk about it."

"No, Liam, it… it doesn't make any sense now, you gotta… make up your mind and call me or something. I'm not gonna stick around forever and let you treat me like this, think about what you want first. Because if this carries on it'll destroy me." Somehow it already had.

That's how Niall left, not running this time because he was sure Liam wouldn't come after him anymore, hopefully he had finally gotten it. It was a relief for a bit, to finally have said something, but it was scary as shit as well, that disappointment settling in Niall's stomach was almost chocking him. 

Who knows who that girl had been, or why Liam hadn't come, this wasn't just about today anyways, this was about the past 2 or so years, the way things had turned out after Liam's oh so holy promise 'nothing will ever change'. Everything had changed now.

Niall felt like he had run out of tears as he waited for the next train, rubbing around on the tattoo that he had on his ankle, it was really small, but he had been scared when they had gotten it, so they had simply settled for the tiniest thing they had found, some chinese letter. It probably meant something completely different from what they had been told, but for Liam and Niall it was simply a sign that they belonged together, that they had something the other one did too when they were apart, even if it was just some stupid thing they had done and would maybe regret some day. At least they had been stupid enough together. Right now though, Niall wanted to scratch it out with a knife.

His breakdown came once the train started moving, once it was final that Liam hadn't come running after him once more, he wouldn't have wanted him to. But somehow, he had. 

Before Niall would completely loose it, he took his phone out, looking for the number he had called the second most time after Liam's, closing his eyes as he leaned back against the seat and waited, glad that no one else was in here except for him. "Niall? Where the hell are you?"

"Can you pick me up from the station in an hour and fifty minutes?" Hearing Harry's voice felt strangely good, no matter what, at least he had always stuck around, he had always been Niall's friend, from the first day on almost.

"You… you went to see Liam?" He was probably checking his clock now, confused, because Niall had only left for the train station about three hours ago. That was just sad. 

"Yeah, um… he said he couldn't come so I went to see him instead and um… he was in his dorm with some girl, like not doing anything, just… forget it, can you come, please?" Talking about it caused Niall to tear up, he just wanted someone to be there when he arrived, to know that at least one person in the world still cared about him. There weren't a lot of people he could ask. 

"Of course, Nialler, I'll be there." Harry had probably caught on, his voice had gotten soft now, even the background noises had finally stopped. "Is it okay if Louis comes too?"

"Sure, just… be there, okay?" Niall hadn't even thought about Harry coming all by himself, he didn't care who else showed up, he just didn't wanna suck it all up and beat himself up all night, he wanted someone to talk to, someone who cared.

"We will, Ni, don't worry, okay? It'll be fine." Probably not, but Harry was just too much of a positive person as to tell Niall that he was probably single now and without a best friend. 

 

———————

 

"Tell me." That was the thing Harry said first, right after embracing Niall into a much needed hug, Louis rubbing the blonde's back who had tried hard not to burst out into tears again like he had an hour before. 

"Nothing really happened, just… I walked in and the girl was on his bed and… you know I was just mad 'cos… well he cancelled our plans to tutor her or whatever and then… we fought. Like, very loud and shit. And I told him he should make up his mind before calling me again. That I was sick of always being the one who like.. almost begs him for affecting and to see him. I just wanna know where we stand, I love him so much, but I… I don't even know if he still loves me." That the possibility even existed made Niall grab onto Harry tighter, burying his face in the taller boy's shoulder, hoping that he wouldn't start shaking and crying now. Not here, he'd safe that for his room. "You guys think he stopped loving me?"

"I… I don't think he stopped, no, I just think he needs a slap across the face or something. Look, Nialler…" The pause made Niall nervous, he almost pulled away to check Harry's face, but then let it be, too scared about what he might see. "About last night, I wasn't trying to hook you up with some guy. I just thought that it'd be good for you if you met some new people, not to screw them or whatever, just, be friends, try to get Liam off your mind a little."

"I don't wanna get him off my mind, Haz, that's the problem. We used to spend every single day together and I know that it's not healthy to depend on someone that much, I just… I wish I could at least see him once a week and I don't know, maybe… maybe get a kiss once a while or so…" No, actually, Niall wanted everything back the way it used to be, he wanted it the way they had planned it, them in the same college, together, but he knew he'd sound pathetic saying this out loud so he shut his mouth. 

"Oh, Ni… I'm sure he's gonna call you, I'm sure he'll tell you that he still wants you, and he better give you some good fucking explanations or Louis and I will beat the shit out of him." They wouldn't, but the thought made Niall smile briefly, slowly pulling away from Harry to rub his slightly wet eyes a bit, relieved when Louis' arm dropped around his shoulders. 

"I'm sure as well that he'll call, hell, Niall, you've been best friends for like 11 years, that's more than half of your life, he's not just gonna cut you out of it. It's good that you spoke up and told him, okay? That's what we wanted to tell you last night, you guys just gotta talk it out, you're both not okay with any of this, I know it." Niall just shrugged at this, he wasn't sure what Liam thought about this or whatever, which was sad because he had always known the other boy like the back of his hand. And now? Maybe he didn't know him anymore at all. "Come on, don't be sad, if he doesn't call by tomorrow, we can go see him again and if you want to, Harry and me can talk to him."

"It's fine, let's just… um… can we do something? I just… don't wanna sit around and think about it if I'm behind honest." Or so, if Niall would've been completely honest, then he wanted to call Liam himself and apologize, he knew he couldn't do that, that there wasn't even a need to because he had done nothing wrong, but just the thought of Liam breaking up with him for real was scaring the shit out of Niall.

"Sure, what about we go drag Zayn out and go watch a movie or something, you guys in?" Did Niall have a choice really, he just wanted to be distracted, no matter how so he nodded quickly just as Harry agreed as well, already turning to go. They even had the decency to not hold hands in front of Niall, very thoughtful.

As expected, Zayn wasn't too keen on coming, but then Harry suddenly walked up to him while Louis tried his best to distract Niall with some stupid video on his phone, whispering something into his ear that suddenly made him agree. Niall pretended like he didn't know that Zayn probably knew the whole story in short form now, he didn't mind it either way, Zayn was his friend too after all.

The reason why Louis had suggested he comes too probably was because as soon as the movie was on for like, twenty minutes, Harry and Louis started making out, right next to Niall. It probably wasn't even on purpose, they just were like this, always had been too, it got Niall jealous anyways, he and Liam had had that too, that honeymoon phase. Seemed a bit far gone now, and for the other two, it had been about 7 years too long.

"Hey, Nialler." Not feeling too mad for being distracted from that more than questionable movie, Niall turned his head towards Zayn immediately, hardly being able to look at him in almost complete darkness.

"Yeah?" His mouth was still full of popcorn, he tried to swallow it without having to cough, maybe he shouldn't have bought that much. But it was pretty much the only thing Niall liked about going to the movies…well… normally it was cuddling up into Liam's side too, having him all to himself for at least ninety minutes… Niall would've killed for this right now.

"Haz told me… before." Of course. "And… I think I gotta show you something."

Someone shushed Zayn down from a row behind so he lowered his voice, having Niall's full interest now, he almost bit his lip bleeding, silently praying that it was nothing bad. 

"What is it?" Niall whispered as he watched Zayn going through his phone, he didn't even know why his hand seemed to be shaking now, it surely wasn't THAT exciting. 

"Okay, here, read that message… Liam sent it to me like, I don't know, a week or so ago. Just don't tell him I showed it to you, okay? I just don't want you guys breaking up or anything, otherwise I wouldn't have shown you. Here." It almost got dropped because of how eager Niall was, if Zayn didn't want them breaking up, it meant that it must be something good, right?!

 

_Liam 6 days ago 06:50 pm_

_hmmm… idk. i really wanna come see niall but my grades are fucking shit. haven't seen him in 2 weeks, i miss him like hell :(_

 

Like hell. Liam missed Niall like hell, so why hadn't he come then? Because of his stupid fucking grades?! Somehow it would make sense, if that was why he was studying, but why hadn't he told Niall then? Why'd he tell Zayn and not Niall? "I… I don't know what to say. What else did he text you? What about his grades, I… why didn't he tell me if he's stressed out then and… even if, he's been acting off for longer than just a few days and-"

"Niall, sh, keep your voice low, okay?" Nodding, Niall handed the phone back slowly, almost jumping at Zayn to get the answers he wanted. "Alright, he's been telling me about his grades for a long time. Not the first year in college, but like since the second, or a little before, I don't know really. I think he didn't want you to worry, Ni, he loves you so much, I know it. And he'll call you and you guys can talk it out. I just didn't want you to be sad now, or think he doesn't want you anymore, because he does. The way he talks about you, it's the same way he always has." 

"Really? You think it'll be alright? You don't think he got something with his girl? Or that he got bored of me?" Maybe it sounded pathetic, but Niall couldn't hold back, Zayn was always really good at judging situations, plus he always sounded really convincing, Niall needed that right now.

"What girl? Look, babe, he only wants you, he's not getting bored of you and by the way, you already got more than half of your time in college done, you almost did it, Nialler." Then he wrapped his arm around Niall's shoulders, maybe smiling as well, but it was hard to say when the screen was showing dark scenes. 

"Yeah, I know, I…yeah." Suddenly feeling really emotional thinking about everything Zayn had told him, Niall leaned his head against his shoulder, trying not to think about how much he wished it was Liam's instead. "I miss him like hell too, Zayn… I just w-want him b-back…" 

"Sh, Ni, you never lost him, he's still yours, alright? It's gonna be okay, calm down, I promise it's okay." Still, there were tears pooling in his eyes, his throat tight as he let Zayn try and calm him down, not sure whether he was sad or happy about what he had just heard. Maybe something from both.

No one knew a single thing about what the movie had been about once they got out, Louis and Harry looked a little flushed, they did apologize, but Niall didn't really mind too much, he was just really glad that they had somehow managed to drag Zayn with them as well. If Liam would've been there too, it could've just been like in old times.

It was late once they got back to their dorm, Niall twice telling Louis and Harry that he didn't feel like sleeping on their floor, he wouldn't have minded the company, but really… he wasn't that desperate for it. 

"Just call then, okay? Or just come over and knock on the door until we wake up, yeah?" They had really insisted on bringing Niall to his door, like, he already had his hand on the handle when Louis pulled him into yet another hug.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, Lou, just gonna go to sleep, nothing else." Maybe cry a bit more while resisting the urge to call Liam a few billion times or text him, beg for forgiveness though he didn't know why he would do that. Just so maybe Liam could come next weekend, maybe he really would. "Goodnight, guys, and thanks for… you know."

"It's fine, Ni, you don't have to thank us, we love you." He knew that, but it made him smile either way, giving Harry half a hug before he was finally allowed to lock his room up. "We'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Sure, see ya." Niall waved quickly as they turned to go, pulling the door closed right after him and locking up, it wasn't a good idea to forget about that when you live in a dorm with college students. 

There was nothing on Niall's phone, of course not, he had just spent hours with the only friends he had and Liam… Liam was either still having trouble trying to figure out whether he still loved Niall, or… or he had figured it out already and Zayn and everybody else had been wrong. 

Niall wasted as much time as possible showering and getting into bed, he just didn't want to spend the night lying around and doing nothing, but eventually he ended up like that anyways, staring at the dark ceiling, not really seeing anything though. 

He could've at least used his non existent tiredness to maybe study for his next exams, but that was about he last thing Niall cared about. All he wanted was to figure out what the hell was even going on, because he had no fucking idea anymore what to think.

The tears didn't come until a few hours later, it probably was past 1 am already and Niall was falling in and out of the least relaxing sleep he had ever felt, at least it was a saturday tomorrow. Not that it mattered actually, maybe he would've preferred having lectures anyways, so he wouldn't have to think about anything at all except for pretending to take some notes or something. 

Niall finally started drifting off for real after getting Liam's shirt out of his stuff that he had kept there for quite a while, it didn't really smell like him anymore but it still helped Niall, even if it's been ages since Liam and him had shared a bed, well, a month or two at least, but-

A few knocks on the door had Niall sitting up straight in less than a second, first he just thought it was some joke, wanting to lie back down and curse every single person living in this building when he heard it again, louder this time. "Who the hell is this?!"

Mad for being woken up, Niall flicked the light on on his bedside table, for a moment even forgetting all of his troubles as he tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes, not caring about the most important rule, to wait for a proper answer from whoever was knocking on his door in the middle of the night.

"I swear to god, you assholes, if this is about the one fucking single time I agreed to play a prank on someone with Harry then…" Not finishing, he just ripped the door open, half expecting to hear someone running away, but instead, it was him who took a step back, out of instinct. Well, NOW he was confused. "Liam… what the fuck it's… fucking late and…"

The other boy smiled, he fucking _smiled_ , blushing a little as he stepped inside uninvited, closing the door after himself, never moving his eyes away from Niall's. "Yeah, I know, um… the trains at night don't go regularly. And they somehow take longer too, pretty dumb, huh?"

Somehow, Niall took a few minutes to understand that this wasn't a dream, that Liam hadn't just called him, he had shown up himself, in person, he was real and he was here, where he had been supposed to be hours ago already. But none of it mattered now when Niall's heartbeat increased drastically, the hope growing inside him almost making him wrap his arms around the other boy. Calm now, this was important, he couldn't just give in after seeing Liam like he had done so many times now. "So… if the trains are so stupid, why did you come then?"

"Well, you told me to call you once I've made up my mind and I… I can't tell you over the phone, you know." He took a step closer, slowly, obviously testing whether Niall would back away, but he didn't, he just stood there, not knowing what to feel. 

"Tell me what?" Suddenly he got nervous, because, god, what if Liam wanted to break up with him in person, what if-

Liam never told him what it was that he wanted to say, he just took another step, cupping Niall's face so quickly that he couldn't even react before Liam's lips were already against his, immediately deepening the kiss. It wasn't gentle at all, it was desperate, it was all those kisses they had missed out on, all those days where they hadn't seen each other, Liam put all of it into it.

Once Niall really got what was going on, he couldn't help but have his tears spilling over, a sob escaping him as he wrapped his arms around Liam's middle, twisting his fingers into the other's hoodie. His lips would be bruised if their teeth got into the way one more time but he didn't care, he wanted this too, wanted Liam to kiss him as hard as he could, so he wouldn't be able to think of anything else anymore except for what he tasted like, how his hands felt grabbing onto Niall and their bodies pressed together like this. 

There was one second where Niall pulled away, just enough so he could talk, breathing heavily against Liam's skin, pulling at his hair so he wouldn't stumble, even if Liam's arm around his waist felt like he never intended to let him go again either way. 

"You still love me?" It came out breathless, but it was the only thing Niall wanted to know as he stared into Liam's eyes, his lips felt swollen, like they hadn't in a while, it was good, actually, it felt amazing, he couldn't believe this was happening, it was everything he had wanted. Just Liam, have him everywhere at once. 

Liam's face changed a little after that question, he moved one hand to Niall's cheek, stroking it gently before he nodded thoughtfully, brushing some hair out of his forehead like he had done so many times before. "Yeah, I do, Niall, I always did, I always will. I love you more than anything and anybody, never _ever_ doubt that again."

They could've talked about it, sure, but talking was the last thing Niall wanted, he took this in for a second, leaned into Liam's hand, letting that smile form on his face before slamming their lips back together, a tiny bit gentler this time, but not any less desperate.

Niall thought he'd fall when he hit the bed with the back of his knees, quickly gripping onto Liam a little tighter, but the other boy hadn't intended to let him fall down anyways, not even stopping to kiss him as Niall got down slowly, pulling Liam with him. They used to find this really hard, but it was so easy now to fall back into old habits, it all came back immediately, started to feel familiar again, everything, from the way kissing Liam felt like being sent to heaven, to how he felt like lying on top of Niall and slipping his hand underneath his shirt, stroking every centimeter of skin he could possibly reach.

And Niall touched him back, he didn't even care if he would've ripped that hoodie, he just wanted it off of Liam, touch his smooth back and chest, feeling like he had to make up for all of the times it hadn't come to this. "Liam…"

"What, baby?" Liam was just as out of breath as Niall, they had to pull apart a little to get some oxygen, mumbling against each other's lips now, eyes still closed.

"Take your fucking clothes off." It was literally all Niall could think about, he had been held back for so long, he wanted Liam now, right this second, he didn't want to wait and hope anymore, it had to be now. 

There was the laugh Niall had missed, he felt Liam's chest moving, warm breath hitting his spit slicked lips as the other boy let out a chuckle, pecking his lips once more before suddenly sitting up, straddling Niall's hips. "How about we start with you first, you're fully dressed." 

Opening his eyes, Niall was just in time to see and feel Liam shoving both his hands underneath his shirt, pulling it up until Niall got up a bit too, helping to take it off completely and just tossing it somewhere. The fact that he had ever been scared of taking his clothes off in front of Liam seemed pretty ridiculous now. "Your turn." 

Niall licked his lips as he opened the button of Liam's jeans and his belt, just watching the other boy trying to get out of them then without falling off the bed, making Niall laugh. It felt so good to do that, watch his boyfriend getting undressed in the most clumsy way possible, being able to call him that with certainty again in the first place, he had almost forgotten what it felt like. "Stop giggling, Ni, your boxers are next."

Right, Niall had only worn a shirt and some boxers for bed, HAD, because as soon as he had lifted his hips just a little bit, Liam had taken care of that, leaving him completely naked, just staring then. "Li, come here, kiss me." 

But he didn't, he took his time look at Niall's body, a hand brushing down his side carefully, as if he was scared to break him, the contrast between their skin quite obvious, like it always had been. "You're absolutely beautiful."

"Thanks…" There was some blush creeping into Niall's cheek now when Liam didn't stop staring, he almost sat up, but then decided against, catching the other boy's hand to bring it up instead, kissing the back before placing it against his cheek. "C'mere, please." 

"'m right here, Ni." Finally, he lied back down on top of Niall again, increasing the friction now that the only thing between them were his damn boxers that Niall cursed himself for not ripping off of him. They were smiling at each other, Liam's lips brushing Niall's forehead, not moving his hand from his cheek, rubbing soft circles while Niall made sure to tighten his arms around Liam's neck, enough to keep him close but not too much to hurt him. 

"Liam…" It came out without thinking, Niall half let his eyes drop when his face was being peppered with kisses, god, he was so far gone for this boy, he had been here for just minutes and they had managed to fall back into this again, just like that, as if they had never stopped. "Make love to me."

As if to answer, Liam thrusted his hips against Niall's slowly, making him groan slightly before moving to kiss down his cheek, jaw and then neck, starting to suck at the sensitive skin gently. Niall immediately approved, leaning his head back to give Liam better access, not having had a love bite in so long, he would've begged for one, he loved when everyone could see it, that he was taken, that he was Liam's only. "You got…?"

"Yeah…" Niall could hardly talk as Liam mumbled hotly against his wet skin, resuming to kiss and suck his skin right after, rocking his hips again. "I could come from just this, you know… it's been too long, Li, please… "

Which was true, Niall's oversensivity most likely came from the fact that he hadn't had sex with Liam in months, he had thought about him every time getting himself off but it didn't even come close to this. To have Liam rubbing against him while sucking on his neck, his weight on top of him and his smell surrounding him. It almost made Niall tear up to think about how much he had missed this, just being this close, for once not thinking about Liam having to leave again in a few hours. Sure, he would leave again, but not before tomorrow. Maybe he'd even stay until sunday, he hadn't done that in forever, a whole weekend. 

"Liam…" Niall wasn't fucking around, he really could've come from just this, he didn't want to though, he finally wanted Liam again, all of him. "Come on."

"Patience, babe." That had Niall snort and Liam laughed against his neck, placing a kiss on the spot he had been working before coming back up again, kissing Niall's hot lips gently before rubbing their noses together, half sitting up afterwards, probably to go through his bedside table drawer. "We don't need a condom... right?"

The 'right?' almost sounded as if he was nervous Niall might tell him that they did, Niall on the other hand got really cheerful after that question, it meant that Liam hadn't been with anybody else, not that he would've asked him that, he had just trusted the boy blindly and he was glad that he had. "Nope. I don't know why I kept them, we used like, five."

"Maybe we should use one, it'd be easier and I don't wanna hurt you, because we haven't done-"

"No. No, I wanna feel you, I don't care if it hurts." To some extend, he wanted it to hurt, so he could be sure this was happening, but Liam still hesitated until he quickly gave in, moaning when Niall just shoved his hand down Liam's boxers, palming his erection purely to make him hurry up. "Come on."

"Jesus…" Liam muttered under his breath, grabbing Niall's wrist to make him stop before finally undressing himself, making Niall proud for a second because he was already completely hard as well, from just those little touches. "Okay, tell me if you want me to st-"

"I know, Liam, it's okay, just _please_." Still, Niall appreciated the fact that Liam always said this, that he always stopped to make sure Niall was fine, that he wasn't hurt or uncomfortable. It's because he was perfect, inside and out, and it hit Niall so hard that he was the only person in the world having this privilege and being with Liam, he almost teared up. God, had he missed him. 

It still took up some time when Liam insisted on preparing Niall for way longer than necessary, almost making him cum with every fucking stroke of his fingers, and then he added a third one as well, 'to be sure you won't get hurt', before finally pulling them out, taking the lube again before pecking Niall's lips. "Sorry, I just don't wanna risk it."

"I know…" How could Niall have been mad anyways, in a situation like this especially. He rolled his eyes, fondly looking at Liam, running his fingers through the brown hair gently. "Thank you for looking after me."

"Always, baby." And then he smiled Niall's favorite smile, with the crinkled eyes, leaning over him once more to kiss his lips a few times, mumbling in between. "I love you so much. So, so, so damn much. And I missed you. Every single day, Ni, I did, I swear. I'm sorry, I-"

"Shh. You don't have to tell me now, I know, Li, I love you too, and I missed you. We can talk tomorrow, okay? Let's just…think about nothing but us." Actually, the only thing Niall would be thinking about was Liam himself, but he was relieved to get a nod, slowly letting go of Liam so that he had his hands free to put lube on himself, getting Niall all nervous with anticipation. 

As if it was their first time, only now, he very well knew what to except, it's just, Niall was dying for it after all this time, he knew he was pretty needy and desperate, but it's not like he could change that. "Can I?"

"Yeah." As soon as Liam started pushing in, Niall let his eyes fall closed, wanting to wrap his legs around Liam's hips to hurry him up but he let him go at a slow pace until he was buried completely, hips flush against Niall's, breath going uneven. "It's fine, move." 

After all this time, it almost felt like too much. Though Liam was just going really slowly at first, they both couldn't keep quiet for more than just a few seconds, moaning into each other's mouths as Liam pressed their lips together again, angling his thrusts a bit more, not having forgotten just the right way to make Niall scream. "Good?"

"My god, Liam… you don't have to ask, do you? Harder… please…" Niall was sure he was leaving marks on Liam's back with his fingernails, but he didn't care, he just wanted their bodies as close as they somehow could be, they were sticking together slightly, from the sweat. "Fuck…" 

Liam grunted in response, his face was red as he leaned his forehead against the pillow Niall's head was on, thrusting deeper now, hardly being able to keep his weight on his elbows. "You feel so bloody good, Ni… you're so tight, I…ugh…"

"Look at me, Liam, I wanna see you." It was hard to get Liam to lift his head, cupping his face, Niall tried to capture his eyes, knowing that the other boy was really close by the way his thrusts got a little desperate now, the bed was slightly bumping against the wall. "It's okay, you can let it go, Li."

"No… fuck… no, want you first." Almost as if to proof a point, Liam brushed Niall's prostate, making him release a rather loud moan, causing Liam to smirk for a second, there was sweat dripping down his temple as he kissed Niall's forehead. "Like that, babe?"

"Yeah… god, yeah… just don't stop… just…f-fuck…just like this, Liam…" It felt so good, Niall had no idea how he had survived so long without, he almost went to shove his hand down between their bodies, not getting there before Liam had already wrapped a hand around him, quickly jerking him off in time with his thrusts. "L-Li… won't last…"

"I know, come on, Ni, come for me." The fact that he was whispering in Niall's ear before looking at him again made everything even worse, his hot breath against Niall's skin was almost too much in combination with everything else. Surely, he had never felt this good in his whole entire life. "Look at me, I wanna see your face."

So Niall did, breathing hard as he clung to Liam, warmth pooling in his stomach as the other boy hit that bundle of nerves inside of him dead on, tugging on his length, it took like four more thrusts to make Niall moan Liam's name a little bit too loud as he came into Liam's fist, whole body shaking afterwards. "Fuck, Liam, fuck…"

"You look so hot when you come, babe, so fucking hot." Liam didn't stop as Niall tried to come down from one of the best orgasms he had ever had, wrapping his arms around Liam's neck again now, wanting him to feel as good as he just had.

"Come on, Li, I know you're almost there." To help a little, Niall started moving his hips, trying to meet Liam's thrusts while watching his boyfriend grunt and fall apart above him, he had both hands buried deep in the pillow on each side of Niall's head, resting their more than sweaty foreheads together. "Fill me up, babe, I want it, come on." 

A few more thrusts and the bed making some quite frightening sounds later, Liam came with his head buried in Niall's shoulder, the blonde's arms wrapped securely around his shoulder as his hips slowed sloppily before stopping completely, shaking a little afterwards. "You don't know how fucking amazing you are, Ni."

His voice sounded so breathless and quiet, Niall almost didn't hear it, but he felt it very obviously against his neck where Liam had his lips, placing a kiss. "I love you, Liam, thank you for this."

"Don't thank me, babe." When Liam leaned onto his elbows again, his face was still red, hair sticking on his forehead now, but he was smiling brightly and Niall couldn't help but think that this was the most gorgeous way Liam could look. Exhausted, sweaty but all happy and smily nevertheless, smelling so much like himself now, Niall almost pulled him back down again a second later. "I love you too."

This time, the kiss was slow, gentle and sweet, Liam's hand was caressing Niall's skin, keeping his gross hair from falling into his forehead, running his fingers through in a way that caused goosebumps to raise all over Niall's body. 

Wow, how had he almost forgotten about this? About how sweet and caring they were to each other after having sex, the cuddling that always followed when they didn't even want half a millimeter between them, just taking each other in and kissing until they fell asleep. It probably was the best thing in the world, it had to be, there was nothing to top that off. And it was Liam alone who made Niall feel this way, no one else could've ever been this great of a person, so genuine and caring and sweet, it was actually blowing Niall's mind to think about it. 

Once Liam had pulled out and attempted to clean them up a little, they both decided that they were too done for a shower, Niall kinda liked this, he didn't find this gross at all. Besides that, there was one thing Liam would have to get up for before Niall would allow him to come snuggle under his blanket. "Go lock the door up, Louis and Harry will be bursting in here tomorrow, I can feel it. And it's your fault that it's open."

"Fine." Liam rolled his eyes at a giggling Niall, kissing his nose before rolling out of bed, giving a very nice sight of his back and ass as he went for the door, turning the key. "Am I allowed to cuddle you now?"

Instead of an answer, Niall pulled the blanket back, stretching his arms out towards Lam's and making grabby hands, laughing shortly as the other boy got down next to him and tickled his side for a second before lying down as well. Niall immediately pulled himself closer, with hands and feet, slipping his leg in between Liam's, burying his face in the crook of his neck. A content sigh leaving his mouth as Liam wrapped him up in his arms as tightly as he could, pulling the blanket to cover both of them up, creating a comfortable cocoon of warmth. "I missed this so much."

"Me too…" He kissed Niall's head, his warm arm pressing around Niall's waist, free hand playing with the soft hair behind Niall's ear, almost making him purr. "Niall… can we talk? I just… I can't stand it anymore, I just wanna… explain."

"Okay…" Cuddling even closer, Niall decided that no matter what would come, he didn't care, he would never let it get this far again now that he had Liam back, he'd never suck it all up again, he'd speak up immediately if something bothered him.

"Okay, listen, babe." Liam released a shaky breath, as if he was nervous, burying his face in Niall's hair then, warming his scalp because of how close his lips were. "You know when it was our first year in college? I…. all I could think about, the whole day long, was just about how much you're suffering because I was there and not with you. I felt so guilty, and yeah, it hurt me too, but I was more concerned about you than me. And because of that, I hardly ever studied, but it was fine there, it wasn't too difficult then. It's just in my second year, I started getting worse and worse, and I… I had to actually do something, you know. And I was still worried as hell about you and I wanted to be with you but… but I felt like I was disappointing everyone, you included, you know like… like I couldn't even put a scholarship to good use and you and me went through all that stuff and I couldn't even manage college."

"Liam… you're not disappointing anyone. Why didn't you tell me? If it was bothering you this much, babe?" It was exactly what Zayn had said, now Niall felt really guilty, for ever thinking Liam had cut their time short on purpose because he had simply felt like it.

"I don't know, I… I guess I just thought I could make it alright. And then I had to cancel our plans the first time because I had this exam and… you were so disappointed it was killing me. Seeing you in general made everything worse, don't get me wrong, it was because afterwards, I couldn't get you off my mind and I was literally good for nothing at all. That's why, why I cut our time so short, why I hardly kissed you or touched you. Because I had to study and because it hurt like hell and I couldn't think about anything else afterwards other than how much I wanted to be with you and just drop out of college and-"

"Liam, Liam, sh. I get it now, okay? It's okay. You can't drop out of college, okay? I know you can do this, both of us can, there's not so much time left anyways, we're gonna be fine, Liam. Just please… let's not do this again, the not kissing and not touching and not telling each other what's up. I need you and I'm sorry if… if you had to worry about me. You don't have to anymore, I'm fine, as long as things are okay between us, I'm okay too." That was the truth and Niall felt proud for being able to say it, yeah he still wished they weren't two hours apart, but it could've been way worse. 

"I know, babe. I always told you you're much stronger than you think, I know you're gonna be alright and I'm so sorry for not telling you any of this. It'll never be like this again, that was even more horrible than anything else." Niall pulled back a little to look at Liam, he looked pretty beaten down now, something he never should be in Niall's opinion so he kissed him shortly, getting one hand free to run through the brown hair. 

"I know. I'm sorry too, for that thing I pulled at your dorm, just… that girl threw me a bit off track and I was mad too because you didn't come and, yeah…" Feeling Liam so close made it impossible for Niall to understand why he had ever gotten mad at the other boy, he felt himself smiling slightly, well aware that it was probably 3am, but the waking up had been more than worth it. 

"You know, that girl, she's actually the one tutoring me, I mean, I help her too if I can, but… um, she was the one helping me, not the other way around, I know that's what I told you I just… it was embarrassing to admit I guess. And the reason why I cancelled was because it was the only day she had time… I really, really thought about coming to visit you on saturday instead, as a surprise, but yeah…" Liam lowered his eyes, pulling Niall a little closer, or attempting to because it wasn't possible anymore, they already were skin on skin and it was wonderful.

"You're here now, Li, that's all that matters. And you can st-" There was a yaw interrupting Niall that had Liam giggling and kissing his nose softly, making Niall smile sleepily when he was done. "You can stay for as long as you want to."

"You're the cutest thing in the whole world, you know that?" Niall blushed slightly under Liam's adoring eyes, he was playing with Niall's hair gently, making him even more tired than he already was. "And thank you… I think that studying can wait until monday morning." 

"I think so too." So he really would stay until sunday, Niall's heart was beating incredibly fast as he let that sink in, smiling brightly before placing an eager kiss onto Liam's lips. He wanted to pull away but the other boy didn't let him, making Niall smile as they continued to kiss, just softly now, without any haste, it sent sparks all through Niall's body.

Unfortunately though they got interrupted, once again by Niall's yaw that he couldn't hold back anymore, he apologized a few times but Liam just laughed anyways, tucking him in closer before kissing his forehead. "Let's go to sleep, baby, it's extremely late."

"Don't let me go, okay?" Niall was a little scared he'd wake up tomorrow to find out it's all been a dream, but Liam's scent around him was too real, his arms were too warm and tight and it was all just too perfect.

"Never, babes, I'll be right here when you wake up. Sleep tight, I love you." Snuggling his head back into the crook of Liam's neck, Niall smiled against his skin before pressing a kiss there, feeling so happy, he would've never thought he could be in a situation like this. Suddenly, the fact that they didn't go to the same college didn't seem too unbearable anymore.

"I love you too, Liam." Already feeling the sleep coming over him, Niall was very thankful for Liam turning the lights off, even if that meant his arm was gone for a second, but he was right back at holding Niall afterwards, kissing the parts of his face he could reach until Niall fell asleep.

 

——————

 

As expected, they got woken up the next morning with banging on the door, Niall groaned deeply, for a second forgetting about last night before he felt the warmth surrounding him and the body right next to his, someone's lips brushing his cheek. "Good morning, beautiful."

"Hi…" His eyes fluttered open, immediately locking with soft brown ones just centimeters away from his. Niall could've screamed with happiness. 

"I think Louis and Harry are gonna break down your door any second, I didn't say anything, I think they think you're still asleep." Liam smiled as Niall pulled himself closer, kissing him softly on the lips for a second or two, just gently and warm. 

"I was asleep until a second ago… maybe they'll go away, I don't wanna get up, 's too comfortable with you here." He buried himself into Liam, wanting to get everything out of it that he possibly could, they had so much to make up for. 

"I just remembered, I didn't even take anything with me except for my phone and my keys and wallet." It didn't sound like Liam was worried about it though, he turned onto his back slowly, pulling Niall with him so he could half lie on top of him, one leg still between Liam's. 

"You don't need anything else, Li, we're not gonna get dressed anyways. Or actually, I'm not gonna let you get dressed." Niall wasn't sure if his words were very easy to understand, his voice was still thick with sleep, and he mumbled them somewhere into Liam's bare chest, half drifting off again because of the hand caressing his back.

"Good to know, I didn't plan on anyways." With that, he wrapped both his arms around Niall, almost making him choke but it was alright, as long as he didn't let go. "Hey, babe… you know, my mum asked if you wanna come home with me for spring break."

"Sure, I want to, thank you. I'm glad if I don't have to stay here, I feel like everybody is either gonna leave or be drunk for ten days straight." Holidays and breaks had always kinda been Niall's only thing to look forward to, it meant a lot more time to spend with Liam than just a day or two. Usually, things had gotten better as well during those times, just last Christmas hadn't been very cheerful at all and Niall had actually gone home with Zayn instead because Liam's family had gone somewhere else. They had offered he could come but Niall didn't have too much money, he sometimes worked at some store and his step mum sent him some too, but still. His dad's new wife wasn't too bad, Niall had been at their wedding, but never at their new house, he had told her he didn't need the money but she kinda felt guilty or whatever so she kept it up. His dad on the other side had never really said goodbye to Niall or looked at him properly again, but at least he left him alone, that was a big advantage. 

"I'm glad you're not one to get drunk." True, neither of them were, they had always rather stayed in Liam's bed and watched movies, maybe that was lame, but Niall had long stopped caring about what anyone besides Liam thought about him.

"Oh, who knows what I'm doing when I'm all alone, Liam, I'm living a wild life over here." Laughing at himself, Niall leaned his arm against Liam's chest to look at him, trying to stretch and reach his mouth with his lips, but his chin was fine too.

"Oh, of course you do, you little rascal." The fond nickname got Niall's heart bumping fast, Liam hadn't called him that in forever, but it had come out all natural, as if Liam didn't even notice as he ruffled Niall's hair, cupping the back of his neck. "You take your laptop every time you go out so we can Skype?"

"Shh, Liam, at least I'm not the one who always falls asleep while we're at it." Actually, Niall didn't mind when Liam fell asleep, sometimes he liked to watch him, creepy as it was, but he had missed watching Liam sleeping. 

Before Liam could respond, still while rubbing his thumb over Niall's neck, the banging on the door started again, and this time, they didn't even make a secret about who it was. "Nialler! If you don't wake up this time then we're gonna assume you're dead and have someone cut the door open!"

"I'm fucking naked, calm down!" Groaning, Niall quickly pressed his lips on top of Liam's, trying not to get too excited when the other boys hand slipped down his bare chest as he sat up, starting to search for his boxer shorts. "If you don't want them to know you're here, then-"

"Niall." Liam stopped him from half climbing out of the bed, holding his wrist carefully. "You're my boyfriend, why wouldn't I want them to know?"

"I don't know, I just wanted to leave you a choice. And besides… I kinda wanted to hear you saying that you don't care if they know." Smiling, he bumped his nose against Liam's softly before slipping out of his grip, well aware of the other boy's stare as he went on a search for their boxer shorts. 

"Okay, I couldn't care less if they know." Of course he didn't, warmth spread in Niall's stomach though he knew he should've rather felt cold because of the fact that he was wearing nothing, but it was just Liam who could cause that. 

"Good. Here, catch." After throwing Liam his boxers, Niall quickly put his sweatpants on because he couldn't find his underwear, waiting for Liam to get dressed before walking over to the door. "Okay?"

"Yeah, let 'em in before they get the police." Which was very likely, though they had finally shut up, Niall still grinned at Liam over his shoulder, simply because he enjoyed being able to do it.

"Finally! What have you been naked for anyways, you dirty little boy, Niall. Has Liam already… oh." Harry had nearly fallen into the room when Niall had opened up the door a little bit too quickly, obviously he had been leaning against it, but his cheeky grin had returned about one second later. Well, until he had seen Liam. 

"Now that's an interesting turn of events, I'd say." Louis on the other hand looked really amused as his eyes went from Niall to Liam, who was still on the bed, not attempting to get up for which Niall was very grateful. It wouldn't be a good idea to have his god like boyfriend walk around in his room completely naked except for some boxer shorts. "Hi, Li, glad you're here." 

"Yeah, me too." And Liam grinned, not at Harry or Louis but only at Niall, who was still holding onto the door, trying to figure out if he should find this situation embarrassing or not. "You two okay?" 

"Now we are." Finally, Harry had his smile back as well, he patted Niall's back out of nowhere, as if to congratulate him on something. "I'm very glad to know Niall hasn't spent his night as boring as he usually does." Oh, he had congratulated him on _that_. "Do you need us to leave or…"

"No. No we're um… done with, um… whatever." Niall shook his head about his own answer, what the hell was he doing giving out those details?!

"Well, for now." Liam made their heads turn towards the bed as he laughed, making Harry and Louis join and Niall pretending to pout when in reality, it was getting him excited, because yeah… they had another night… "Aw, Ni, come on, I was just kidding."

"Liam, you better _not_ been kidding." Trying to sound casual, Niall couldn't resist walking over to the bed when Liam was looking at him like that, his hands immediately coming to a rest on Niall's hips as he went to sit on Liam's lap, something he hadn't done in way too long. 

"Okay, I wasn't." He was whispering in Niall's ear, so that only he could hear it, kissing it afterwards and nearly causing Niall to have a stroke. 

"So…" Harry suddenly interrupted their cuddling session, easily sitting on the edge of the bed as if he didn't mind at all how they had just talked about what they had done in here last night. "You two have finally talked this out? Or do I still have to slap you, Liam?"

"Haz…" Niall mumbled, a little embarrassed that this topic had come up, he leaned his head back against Liam's shoulder, intertwining their fingers over his stomach, hoping that Liam wouldn't get mad that he had told Louis and Harry. 

He didn't. "You can slap me if I'm ever acting like such a fucking idiot ever again."

"I'd rather not want to slap you ever day, Liam." Then Harry bursted out laughing, leaning back as if it was his bed, making some more room for Louis who was just smiling the whole time, he looked pretty happy about the situation. Which was remarkable considering two of them were half naked and they would have had troubles both fitting into the bed if they wouldn't always half sleep on top of each other. "No, seriously now, I'm happy if you guys are alright again, it wasn't easy to just watch you behave like complete fools."

"It's fine now." Niall really wanted to drop the topic, not only did he feel uneasy talking about it but it was hard to follow along when Liam was constantly kissing up and down his cheek and rocking him in his arms. "So, what exactly have you planned on doing here this early?"

"It's already 1 pm, Niall, I don't wanna know what you two have been doing but we have been worried you've fallen into a coma or something." Louis lied down on his back with his head in Harry's lap, leaving his feet on the ground to have enough space without having to get too close to Niall and Liam. "But now that Liam's here too, we should get Zayn and do something, it's been like, forever."

Yeah, Niall wanted to be alone with Liam, but they still had the whole night and the next day, something he hadn't been able to say in a long time so he leaned his head back to check with Liam, receiving a very unexpected kiss instead. "I guess we could do something… if we're back by eight pm."

"What have you got to do at eight pm, Niall?" Harry chuckled somewhere from the bed, Niall didn't check though, he just leaned back against Liam, pulling on his hands to get him to tighten his arms around Niall. 

It was Liam who answered, his face buried in Niall's hair, tickling him with his breath as he laughed about something no one else got. "At eight pm Niall's gonna have to be in this bed except for without these ridiculously low sweatpants on."

"God, Liam, stop putting these images in my head!" Immediately, Louis and Harry started complaining while Niall broke out into a fist of giggles, leaning his head back, not being able to stop, especially when Liam made it even worse by kissing his exposed neck, still laughing over his joke as well. "You guys are disgusting."

Maybe they were but Niall couldn't have cared less, he felt like he was on top of the world right now, he had his friends, he almost had managed to get through three years of college and above that, he finally, _finally_ , had his Liam back, the one he had been missing for so long. 

 

—————

 

"You know coming here, it almost feels like someone turned back time. It's like, I have to go back home any second because my dad will get mad at me if I'm late again because you convinced me to stay and finish some stupid video game." The words just came out of Niall's mouth, like, he wasn't even planning on speaking his thoughts out loud.

"That video game wasn't stupid at all…" Liam mumbled, half joking because he laughed afterwards, grabbing tighter onto Niall's fingers. They were lying in Liam's bed, back at home, after his mum had forced them to eat for two people each, doing nothing except for taking in each other's presence, maybe that's what had caused those memories to pop up in Niall's head. It felt good to be here, it always did, this was Niall's home.

"Be serious, Liam, I'm trying to be emotional here." He tried to hit Liam's chest playfully with his free hand, being stopped when Liam captured it in his as well, not minding the awkward position it got them in. 

"I'm sorry. I know what you're talking about though. Even if it's not always good memories…" At this point he broke up for a second, shifting a little and Niall just closed his eyes, he didn't wanna think about his dad now, though he had been the one to mention him in the first place, he didn't wanna go into detail. "I still like remembering, especially how much of an awkward kid you were." 

"Hey!" This time, Niall managed to shove Liam gently after pulling his hand free, rolling onto his stomach to stare at the older boy, not even the tiniest bit mad, he just liked to mess with him. "You read the fucking bible in school, Liam, you got no room to talk."

"You remember that?! God…" Liam groaned, covering his face with one arm, leaving Niall giggling. "I loved my cat, alright, we've had him all my life." 

"I know, Liam… you showed me about fifty billion pictures of him. I'm sorry." Softly, Niall pulled on Liam's arm until he dropped it behind his head, a small smile playing around his lips as Niall started moving closer until they were face to face. "I could kiss it better."

"That'd take a lot of kisses, but you could try." The hand suddenly finding it's way underneath Niall's shirt plus Liam's cheeky grin had Niall leaning forward in less than a second to fit their lips together, laughing unwillingly when Liam lightly tickled his bare skin with his finger tips. "You know what that reminds me of?"

"Hm, what?" Niall didn't wanna stop kissing, he pressed his mouth onto Liam's once more, addicted to still feeling those sparks and goosebumps after all this time, he reached for Liam's cheek, stroking the boy's features for a bit when no one pulled away. Maybe lifting his arm had been a bad decision.

"That you're ticklish as hell." And with that, Liam was seriously tickling Niall in his arm pit as if they were little kids, seconds before turning them over and straddling Niall's waist to be able to poke his sides even better, laughing the whole time.

Well, and Niall was forced to join. "NO! Oh I- Liam stop, I-LIAM!" 

He tried shoving Liam off, but the other boy was way stronger than Niall, he could hold both his wrists in one hand while still tickling him with the other, not minding all the screams Niall let out unintentionally. He'd probably not get invited any time soon again if he emptied his whole stomach onto Liam's bed from laughing so much. When tears started forming in Niall's eyes, Liam finally let him catch a breath, chuckling over something as he leaned down to kiss Niall's nose, releasing his hands. "Sorry, it was too tempting."

"Shut up, Liam." Breath going heavy, Niall tried his hardest not to smile as he hit Liam's arm, hoping to calm down before anyone would burst into the room to check whether Niall was getting murdered. "You could've hurt me, you know, I'm very… fragile."

"No, you're not, baby. Did I hurt you?" For a second though, Liam seemed concerned, and Niall thought about pretending, so he would get a few kisses and cuddles as apology, but it wouldn't be fair so he shook his head, delighted by Liam's smile returning immediately. "You're so cute, Ni, I could pinch your cheeks."

"What's holding you back?" It was supposed to be a joke, Niall half laughed when Liam really did do it before cooing at him, not moving off of Niall even one single centimeter but rather intertwining their fingers. "I was kidding, you know."

"I know." Liam smiled brightly, suddenly leaning down, moving their hands over Niall's head so he could kiss him, properly this time, with his tongue rubbing over Niall's bottom lip, begging for entrance.

It came out of nowhere, that Liam just deepened the kiss, making Niall's hands twitch in his because he felt the need to touch the other boy, but he couldn't move them and somehow he liked how tight Liam was holding him down, their bodies pressing together in all the right ways. Niall let out an involuntary moan, almost thinking that maybe they were gonna take this further when Liam suddenly pulled back a little, enough so he could whisper.

"I wanna show you something." Not waiting for an answer or for Niall to catch his breath, Liam got off of him, pulling Niall with him by his hands until they got onto their feet, still with linked fingers. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" To say Niall was confused would've been an understatement, his lips still felt warm and tingly, in thoughts his tongue was still exploring Liam's mouth, grabbing onto him now, he tried to clear his mind and find out about the reason behind Liam's sweet smile. 

"It's a secret, let's go." Suddenly Liam had gotten all giggly, it was really cute, but it didn't help with Niall's confusion in any way, knowing the other boy well enough, he wouldn't spoil his secrets before hand, no matter how long Niall begged. 

"You sure are weird sometimes, Liam." He said it in a fond way though, he liked this spontaneous side of Liam a lot. The other boy was laughing, kissing Niall's forehead before letting go of him with one hand, pulling him towards the door. 

"You love me, Ni. And you're gonna love this surprise, I know you will." Niall grabbed onto Liam's hand with both of his, holding on tightly as he let the other boy lead him on, trying not to burst with curiosity. That was just Niall, sometimes he still had this, like he had when he had been a kid, where everything was pure exciting and hilarious.

They had to be quiet, though Liam's parents of course didn't try anymore to keep them from leaving the house in the middle of the night, they might still have wanted their sleep.

Niall's confusion only grew when they didn't go to the front door but took the one that led to the garden instead, the cold air giving Niall an excuse to press even closer into Liam's side. Well, not that he actually needed a reason for that. "Li, if we're gonna go into the forrest-"

"We're not, besides, I'm here, I'll protect you, I always do." That was true, Liam flashed him a comforting smile in the poor light that was shining outside from the living room. 

It wasn't until a few minutes later, after Niall coaxing into coming with him, holding his hand tightly and whispering comforting words to him, that Liam suddenly stopped walking, Niall slightly bumping into him, not so good at overplaying how scared he actually was. "What?"

"Look." Finally, things fell into place, Niall felt pretty dumb for not noticing the way that they had taken, the one that led to the ladder up to Liam's old treehouse, it's just, how could he have ever guessed that?!

"Liam, are you serious right now?" On one hand, this seemed to be the dumbest thing to do in the middle of the night, now, but on the other, Niall thought this was the best idea ever. 

"Of course I am, come on, you go first." Liam's laugh sounded carefree, there wasn't enough light for Niall to actually see his face, but the sound alone warmed his heart, if it made Liam this happy, it had the same effect for Niall. Like always, their moods affected the other in almost the exact way.

"You think it's gonna hold?" Unsure, Niall pulled Liam with him over to the ladder, still holding his hand as he grabbed onto the wood, trying not to think of what would happen if he fell down from the top. 

"Yeah. I've been up there before we had dinner." What?

"Why have you-"

"Shhh. You'll see, just go, I'm right behind you, babe." He kissed Niall's temple, letting his breath hit his face before slowly letting go of Niall's hands, rubbing his upper arms slightly as he stepped behind him, probably to encourage him. 

"Okay…" The curiosity was stronger than Niall's fear, he trusted Liam, so he took a quiet breath before deciding to get it over with, being up there was not the part he was scared of, it was just the climbing.

Somehow it put Niall back to where he had been ten years old, Liam was telling him probably the exact same things to calm him down, his hand always ghosting over Niall's ankle whenever the boy took a short break or almost slipped. Not that Niall would've been dumb enough to actually fall down, hell, he had gone up there a million times, it'd be pretty stupid if he didn't manage to now. 

As soon as Niall reached the top, he immediately pulled himself over the edge, just trying to catch his breath for a second and calm down, too relieved to immediately realize what Liam had done. But when he finally got it, he had no idea what to say. "Oh…"

"But that's not the whole surprise, Niall, wait." If it had been the whole surprise, it would've been pretty damn good, Liam had seriously reenacted their sleepover they had had up here on Niall's 10th birthday, hell, he had even gotten the same cookies. "You know, I figured this might be a good place."

"Good place for what?" Niall still had troubles taking Liam's cuteness in when the other boy was already next to him, they had to sit of course, and move very close together because of how much they had grown since last time. But it's not like they usually sat miles from each other.

"You'll see, come here." Liam made Niall laugh by crawling on all fours to the other end, leaning against the wall and the pillows then, trying to untangle the blanket around his legs. 

"How come I didn't notice you getting this all up here, before? Do I really shower so long?" Probably, Niall quickly made sure to get under the blanket too as Liam held it open for him, literally melting into the boy's side, feeling safe being tucked under his arm. 

"Well, I hurried up, it didn't take too long, you know. Besides, we don't have to sleep up here, I know it's not as comfortable as we once pretended." It was pretty comfortable for Niall though, he had his head snuggled into Liam's shoulder, one arm around his stomach, feeling pretty snuggly in the hoodie he had borrowed from Liam before. 

"I wouldn't mind, you're a pretty good pillow, Li. Can I have a cookie?" Not wanting to move, Niall was glad to hear Liam laugh and lean forward, having a hard time opening the box because he refused to move his arm from around Niall. Good. 

"Are you gonna be a big boy and eat it yourself or do I have to feed you?" Of course it was just a joke, Liam made his voice sound as if he was talking to a baby, but the longer Niall thought about it, the more he liked the idea. 

"Feed me." That way, he wouldn't have to let go of Liam. Preferably never ever again, hugging Liam was like hugging a teddy bear and Niall absolutely loved it. Lately, he's been in love with his whole life in general, after Liam and he had talked things out, everything had gotten a lot better, they spent so much more time together now, plus they spent it wisely, it was just like it had been before, with a little bit of distance between them sometimes, but they'd survive. 

"Alright then, here you go. You want me to make like, plane sounds and stuff?" Liam started giggling as Niall huffed, secretly very much enjoying how careful Liam was feeding him cookies, as if he could ever hurt him with such an activity. But he always was careful with Niall anyways.

"No, but you could tell me what the other part of the surprise is, I'm trying to hold back my excitement, but it's pretty hard." Because what else could it be? Maybe Liam would take him on a date tomorrow or so, they had gone on a couple during the last few weeks, but dates were always nice. 

"Okay, if you wanna know, babe, but you gotta look at me." Immediately, Niall lifted his head from Liam's shoulder, glad to almost be able to see his full face because his eyes had finally adjusted to the dark. Liam was smiling, greeting Niall with a soft kiss the moment their eyes met. "Just don't freak out, okay?"

"Why would I freak out? That's a little bit scaring, you know." A lot actually, Niall would've gotten really nervous if he hadn't seen Liam laughing so carefree, wrapping his second arm around Niall too, brushing his lips over his forehead. 

"Well, not freaking out in a bad way. At least I hope you won't, but if you don't like the surprise then just say tell me, okay?" In what universe would Niall ever do such a thing, he had always liked Liam's surprises, and if it was just for hugging and kissing him to say thank you.

"Alright, go on then, I'm gonna burst." Readjusting himself in Liam's arms, Niall tried to get into the most comfortable position possible, until he felt warm all around and safe with his boyfriend holding him, sometimes kissing his face and brushing through his hair, like he always did. 

"Well, we don't want that to happen, do we?" Liam winked, he was looking at Niall the whole time while talking, only looking away then, slowly letting his eyes drift trough the darkness, probably not seeing anything in particular, but he did get a little more serious. "I gotta say something first."

"Okay." Niall nodded, trying to be encouraging as he watched Liam's profile, cuddling in closer as he waited patiently. 

"You know, I don't really know how to put into words how much you mean to me, Niall, but ever since I met you, I feel like my life has only turned better every day somehow. And I still remember all those things we have done as kids, like your birthday party, and all those sleepovers we had and when you sat on my bike and how we hung out almost every single day. You grew so close to me, in a matter of days really, it's like I've always known you. Maybe that sounds cliché, but that's just how it is. And when we got older, I just started loving you more, I felt so protective of you, as a little brother at first but then… well, you know, and I knew that I could never let you go, no matter what happened, because I wouldn't survive it.

"Well, and then college came and I was devastated, and I know you told me to forget it but I'm still sorry about how I behaved, I just couldn't deal with it, you are much better at that. It's kinda been like I've always felt I needed to take care of you, and now look at you, Niall, you're so strong on your own and I'm so proud of you, because of everything, and I wanted to thank you too, for making me the person that I am today. Because I know exactly what I want now and if it wouldn't have been for you hiding up here eleven years ago, I have no idea how my life would've turned out to be. I don't wanna know actually, I'd never want a life where you're not in." Then he stopped suddenly, there were tears forming in Niall's eyes because of how genuine and serious Liam had sounded, he meant all of this 100%, this was how he really felt and Niall knew it.

"I love you…" He mumbled, making Liam turn his head, surprised for a second as one tear spilled over and rolled down Niall's cheek, Liam kissed it away.

"I love you too, baby. Every day a little more, when we wake up together, when you groan about not wanting to get up and whenever we see each other, you always got this smile plastered all across your face as if I'm the greatest person in the word. Even if it's only been a day without seeing each other." Liam chuckled slightly, kissing Niall unexpectedly before carrying on. He'd kill Niall if he didn't stop being so emotional, he was the worst with stuff like this. "You know, once we're out of college, I can't wait to see your face next to mine every morning, and before we go to sleep. And I can't wait to see you almost burn our kitchen down because seriously, babes, you can't cook a single bit."

Though Liam laughed, Niall couldn't help but let more tears drop, still stuck with the way Liam had said 'our', because yeah, of course they had planned to move in together, but they had never talked about it this seriously.

"I wanna spend every day for the rest of my life with you, and only you, and I know we have never talked about that, but I do wanna have kids, because you'd be a great dad, Nialler. And I want you to be mine, until we're god knows how old, but you're still gonna be the most beautiful thing to me in the whole entire world. You always have been, and you always will be. It's not usual to meet someone you wanna stay with forever when you're this young, I know how lucky I got to have you, I'll never take it for granted, and I promise, I'll always do my very best to show you how much you're worth to me. So Niall, do you wanna marry me?" That bastard.

Niall was full on crying now, not even Liam's soft smile and the way he tried to catch Niall's tears with his thumbs was helping the other boy to calm down, hell, he didn't even know what to think or say. Of course he fucking wanted to marry Liam. "W-We're twenty o-one. N-neither of u-us g-got a r-real j-job. A-and w-we both s-suck a-at c-college."

"Yes." Liam just laughed at the answer, kissing Niall's forehead softly, holding him closer. "So what do you say?"

"Y-Yes." In a matter of second, Liam's lips were on top of Niall's, kissing him just gently, with a hand suddenly leaving Niall's face, going somewhere else before he pulled away slightly, still almost touching Niall's lips with his as he talked.

"Open your eyes, babe." So Niall did, looking down to where Liam had captured his hand and he felt like he was gonna have a heart attack any second. "It's not the most expensive thing… but I've been saving up for it for a while."

"F-Fuck Liam…" Maybe not the right reaction, but Niall's breath came a little short as Liam slipped the ring on his finger, relieved that it fit. It was just a simple ring, not that Niall gave a shit about how it looked like or how much it was worth, he couldn't stop staring. "How long have you been planning this? Oh my god…"

"I don't know. A year maybe. Well, I knew I wanted to marry you for a long, long time, but I didn't wanna propose until we're a little older. I mean, you know what they say, only idiots get engaged in college but I don't care. We're not gonna do it now, I just want everyone to see that you're taken, and you're mine only and I promise, I'll drag you in front of the altar soon enough." Then he laughed again, finally making Niall look away from the ring on his finger, his heart bumping fast at Liam's words and at seeing him so happy, crinkles by his eyes as he smiled while stroking Niall's cheek with the back of his hand. 

"Thank you so much, Li, I… I love you so much, I can't put it into words, I… I don't know what to say…" Niall wasn't as good as Liam was with words, besides he was speechless now, it just wouldn't sink it, that this had just really happened. 

"You don't have to say anything at all." With that, Liam had cupped his face gently, brushing their lips together before turning it into a real kiss, one that blew Niall's mind, forgetting about everything that wasn't Liam. Except for one thing.

They were gonna get _married_.


	5. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and commenting and giving me kudos, I hope everyone likes this chapter :) Also, to not create any confusion, this picks up where I left it off in the first chapter.

—————Present—————

It made Niall smile to think about it, sure, it hadn't always all gone so smoothly, he did remember their little ups and downs, but everyone had those, what mattered was that they had stuck together through all of it.

Making pancakes wasn't exactly Niall's speciality, it wasn't even something extraordinary, but it was still better than simply putting toast on the table. Besides, Liam loved pancakes, though he was the one who usually made them, Niall felt like the amount of times he had sat on the counter watching should've been enough for him to recreate them. Well, maybe he should've rather watched Liam's hands instead of his face.

His phone vibrated again and this time, Niall actually checked to see who it was, out of pure interest, not because he intended to pick up now, officially, he was still asleep. Harry, of course, who else would it be?

Laughing to himself, Niall carried on with his attempts to make breakfast, so deep in thoughts that he almost dropped the spoon as two arms wrapped around his stomach slowly, a chin coming to a rest on his shoulder after placing a small kiss there. "Up so early?"

"It's not too early, Liam, it's like, nine." Niall chuckled as the warm breath hit his ear, leaning back against his boyfriend. Well, his _fiancé_.

"You tryna enjoy the last hours while you're still a Horan?" Liam laughed into his ear, letting go with one arm to reach out and softly take the spoon out of Niall's hand, putting it down on the counter before gently starting to turn him around. "Good morning, beautiful."

"Good morning, Li." They kissed for a second, Niall automatically wrapping his arms around Liam's neck, getting on his tiptoes because of how much taller the other man was, but he got held back by warm hands on his bare hips and Liam leaned down instead. Their noses brushed together as they pulled apart, not wanting to bring more distance between them than a few centimeters. "And no, I've been waiting for four years to have your last name, I'd beg you for it on my knees at this point, you know that."

That was one of the best parts really, Niall had never much felt like his own family had been where he belonged, Liam had always been that, and now they'd make it official in a few hours. "I'd know a few more things you could be doing on your knees."

While the brunette man laughed, Niall rolled his eyes, gently slapping his arm before turning back around and taking the spoon again, secretly getting a little excited at the thought though. "26 years old and you're still acting like a teenager, Liam, I'm starting to doubt my choices."

"Aww, come on, baby, I was joking. But speaking about age, I hope you're already getting excited for _your_ birthday." Right, Niall would turn 26 in a few days, and Liam had been talking about it non stop because that would be when they still were on honeymoon and well, it'd also be the first birthday any of them spent while being married. 

Before Niall could answer, Liam's arms were back around his stomach, holding them pressed together, and his parted lips were suddenly on Niall's neck, one hand slipping dangerously wide under Niall's sweatpants. "Li… Li, wait, not now, I gotta… gotta finish this…Liam, I tried hard to do this right."

"Sorry, okay." He pulled his hand back, allowing Niall to breath normally again, holding him around his stomach instead, not stopping the kisses up and down his neck and cheek though. "Thank you for making breakfast, baby."

"You're welcome. I would've woken you and have you do it but you looked too cute when you were asleep." Niall tried to move for the pan, expecting Liam to let go of him now, but instead, he just moved with Niall, making him smile silently.

"Thanks. You looked cute too last night when you fell asleep in my lap." The chuckle was barely noticeable, but Niall felt it against his skin, getting shivers all up his arms as he tried to not lose focus and continue stirring the ingredients together. They had been over at Harry's and Louis' yesterday, a little exhausted already because they had done some last minute planning the whole day long, so half an hour after arriving, Niall had been fast asleep while cuddling into Liam, which partly was the other man's fault too because hell, why'd he have to be so comfortable. "Plus, you gave us a pretty good excuse to leave, so thank you."

"No problem." Niall laughed, it's not like they didn't like Louis and Harry, but those two sure as hell had some problems when it came to weddings. Maybe it was because Harry had proposed to Louis as well like a month ago. A little more romantic than Liam, in Paris, but Niall wouldn't have traded if he had had the chance. "Speaking of them, Harry has called me two times already."

"Same. When I woke up before, I had like ten messages from my mum and Louis and even Zayn. Oh, and my sisters too, and everyone keeps telling me how I'm not allowed to see you before the wedding. I think it's a bit too late for that. Do they think I'd waste half a day not seeing you?" He was such a charmer as he kissed Niall's cheek once more before leaning his chin against Niall's head, tightening his arms a bit as he probably watched Niall trying to make the pancakes somewhat round.

"Don't get sappy, Liam, you know I'm gonna start crying. And I'd rather not do that before I've said yes." Just thinking about that made Niall almost tear up, they had written their vows themselves and yeah, he was kinda nervous to read his, but at the same time, he was excited for Liam to hear it. 

"If you cry then I will too, it's gonna be embarrassing as hell, but I'm okay with that." He let go of Niall then, slowly, kissing the back of his head before stepping away and starting to get plates and mugs. "You want coffee or no? We can also pretend we're not adults and have hot chocolate instead."

"Coffee is fine, but Li, you can have hot chocolate if you want some, no need to make up excuses." Niall chuckled to himself while playing around with the pancake, knowing exactly how much Liam loved hot chocolate, always making jokes about it but in the end, he'd end up with it anyways.

They were a good team at making breakfast, maybe because they had been living together since almost 3 years now, everything had kinda become routine now. A very nice one though, not as if they would get bored of it anytime soon, hell, the most exciting things were yet to come. Niall could very clearly remember how it had been when they had moved into this apartment, Liam's parents had payed half of it, but once Liam had started teaching in school and Niall had gotten his job at the record label, they had quickly given the money back. Anyways, when they had moved in here, Niall needed about a month to even let it sink in, that he and Liam were living _together_ now, no more trains to take to see each other, it was all done. And hell, he couldn't imagine that even heaven could've been better than this.

Their apartment was in another city than either of their colleges had been, just because, but it was pretty close to their home town and well… pretty damn close to Harry's and Louis' house. Zayn lived a bit away, with his new girlfriend, but he could've been here as well in maybe half an hour, so basically, it was all Niall had ever dared dreaming about. 

"Hey, babe, sit here." Before Niall had a chance to walk around the table and sit on his usual chair, Liam already had his arm wrapped around his stomach, pulling him to sit on his lap instead. "The other end of the table is too far away."

"Agreed." Niall adjusted easily, wrapping both his arms around Liam's neck to pull him in for a kiss first of all before resting their foreheads together, enjoying the way Liam was rubbing circles into his hipbones with his thumbs. "You know… it was exactly 16 years ago."

"What?" Liam breathed, catching Niall's lips in another kiss that lasted a little longer than planned, holding him closer to his body. "What was 16 years ago?"

"It's the 4th of September, Li. I never thought we'd get married on the day that we met." Immediately after he had said it, Liam's face lightened up knowingly, he seemed pretty surprised by it too. "I just realized it before, I haven't thought about it when we chose that date."

"Me neither… wow." Then he started smiling widely, pecking Niall's mouth one more time before leaning back a little further, one of his hands rubbing up and down the small of Niall's back. Good thing neither of them were wearing shirts to bed. "That means it's fate, we were meant to be."

"I didn't need that realization to know that." Who else would've fitted so perfectly to Niall, it had always only been Liam, no question. He rubbed his nose against Liam's, giving him an eskimo kiss while playing with the short hair in the back of his neck, letting a giggle escape at the fingertips suddenly dancing across his ribcage.

"You're so cute, baby, how'd I get so lucky, hm?" If there was one person who could always say the right thing to make Niall blush, it was Liam, and the worst part of it all, he didn't even plan on causing Niall to go all red, he really meant it. 

"I ask myself that every day as well." They ended up kissing again, a little more heated than before, with tongues and heavy breath involved, who knows what would've happened if it hadn't been for Niall's stomach growling loudly and demanding food. Immediately, Liam pulled away laughing a little too hard while Niall flushed even worse, trying to pout as he playfully gave Liam a clap on the back of his head, secretly cursing himself. "Don't choke on it, Payno, it wasn't that funny."

Liam didn't even think about getting into it, he just grinned at Niall, untangling his hand from Niall's hair and reaching behind him on the table. "Am I allowed to call you that too after today?"

"Stop making me blush!" Niall whined, all those things Liam said, it only got his excitement to an even higher level, plus he was nervous too, not because of doubts or anything, but the whole situation was a bit extraordinary. 

"I'm sorry. You look really cute when you get all red though, and I like to know that I can do it to you so easily." Laughing softly, Liam ignored Niall rolling his eyes, kissing his cheekbone instead before placing a strawberry in front of his lips. "Here, it's a peace offer."

Their breakfast was great, mostly because they had great fun ignoring their phones going off every once a while, which probably were people freaking out that they had overslept or something. But they hadn't, they just took forever having breakfast and kissing tons in between, not in a hurry at all. It was all planned and they wouldn't start stressing out about it now because they knew they had tons of time to get there. They might have to miss out on Liam's sisters and his mum trying to get their hair to look perfect and what not, too bad.

"I think I ate too much, I'm gonna throw up." Niall leaned back heavily against Liam, he had changed his position while eating so he wasn't sitting sideways anymore, it was easier to pat his very full stomach this way. "Are you still gonna marry me if I puke all over you?"

"Thanks for the image, Nialler." Maybe a bit disgusted, Liam waited for a second before putting his fork down, careful now not to press onto Niall's tummy as he wrapped an arm back around him. "And yes, wouldn't be the first time now, would it?" 

Right, Niall had puked on Liam once, when he had been sick though, now that he remembered that, he regretted his joke, it hadn't been pretty. "Right. You know what, I'm just gonna change my position so we're out of danger."

Niall felt pretty clever for that change of subject, before Liam could even open his mouth to ask what the hell was going on, Niall had already gotten up, sitting right back down, just this time, he was straddling Liam's lap, resting his elbows on the other's shoulders, smirking. "You're literally facing me now, I don't see how that's putting me out of d-"

"Sh." Not wanting to carry on with this, Niall quickly pressed his lips against Liam's, relieved when the other man returned the kiss almost immediately, grabbing onto Niall's hips to keep him steady. Maybe to keep him from creating too much friction as well, right, he hadn't thought about that before. "Oops."

"Yeah, oops, Niall." Liam shifted a little but then he chuckled slightly, obviously not too bothered by this since he got straight at it, no talking around. "How much time have we got left?"

"Not long enough, I don't wanna do this now in all haste when we could safe it for tonight." They had tried going without sex for a week before their wedding, needless to say, it hadn't exactly worked out, besides, Niall didn't believe that anything could make that night better anyways. But still, it didn't seem like a good idea now, an hour before they had to be ready. 

"Hm, okay, you're right. But come back here for a second, okay?" Liam brought one of his hands up to Niall's face, slowly, brushing his chest and collar bones, stroking his neck before resting it against Niall's cheek, looking right at him. "I can't wait until I get to call you my husband. You look absolutely stunning today, Nialler, everyone's gonna die of envy later." 

"Yeah, because I get to marry you and no one else does." Twisting Liam's words to not having to blush like crazy once again, Niall started smiling without planning to. He turned his head, pressing a kiss into Liam's palm before tightening his arms to pull himself a little closer, until their breath was mixing. "I love you." 

It felt like he needed to say it, usually they saved it but Niall didn't want to today, he just wanted Liam to know how much he adored him before they'd do this. His lips were brushing against Liam's now as the other man pulled Niall even closer, rubbing his thumb over his cheekbone softly as he whispered before kissing Niall hard. "I love you too, baby."

 

——————

 

"Do you think it's funny to not answer your phones for five hours?!" Obviously, Harry was pretty pissed when Liam and Niall walked into Liam's parents house, with smiles on their faces and swinging their hands in between them, well aware that they'd have to be at the church in about 45 minutes though.

"First of all, Harry, five hours ago I was still asleep. And then afterwards I didn't have any time to do it, we had to finish packing and have breakfast, sorry, we're on time, okay?" Well, the packing part was a bit of a lie, they had packed yesterday, not very good probably, but what could they have been forgetting? It's not like they needed too many clothes. Or any at all. 

"Liam's mum was freaking out though. Me and Louis got here like half an hour ago and she's made him help her in the kitchen ever since. I'm supposed to do something too, but I forgot what it was. Anyways, how are you guys? Nervous?" Harry was smiling now, he was pretty much the only one just standing around, or actually, the only one who had noticed Niall and Liam coming through the door. Sure, there were other people too, like Louis and Liam's parents and his sisters and their husbands and most possibly every relative Liam had. Niall had no idea why they were all stressing out so much though, he and Liam had agreed that everyone would come here for a while afterwards to celebrate, but he hadn't thought that they'd make that big of a deal out of it.

"I'm fine now, I think. What about you, babe?" Liam pulled his hand out of Niall's, wrapping his arm around his shoulders instead, drawing him in closer until he could kiss the side of his head.

"I'm good, not too nervous, I guess." More nervous than he had been after waking up for sure though, Liam would be fine, he was good with stuff like this, always calm, but Niall tended to freak out slightly, not that he'd ever admit it though. Besides, it was a good kind of freaking out, he couldn't wait at all actually, he was just a bit scared of the moment he'd be separated from Liam and then only see him again in front of the altar. Thinking about that was causing a… slightly unsettling feeling in the depth of his stomach. 

"Well that will soon-"

"There you are! Finally! Niall, get upstairs with Nicola, we don't have any time to lose, thanks to you two oversleeping." Liam's mum had interrupted Harry, making Niall flinch slightly for literally coming out of nowhere at all, he instinctively held onto Liam's hand on his shoulder, leaning closer into the other man. 

"We didn't exactly oversleep, mum, we're on time." Somehow Liam still found a way to chuckle over his mum completely stressing out, she was half glaring at him now, trying to get Niall to go with her.

"Liam, we almost were late for Nicola's wedding and then for Ruth's too, you're the last one, we might as well do it right this time." Right, Niall should've known how insane this would get, he had been to both of Liam's sisters' weddings and his mum hadn't freaked out any less than she did now. Well maybe a little bit due to the fact that she treated Niall like her son as well. "Come on now, Niall, it's time."

"Yeah, okay, I, um…" Unsure, Niall slowly released Liam's hand, trying not to freak out now because his heart did jump very fast as he looked up into Liam's still smiling face, gulping a little. "I guess I'll see you later then…"

"Well, I sure as hell hope so, babe." Liam laughed quietly, pulling Niall in closer still with his arm around his shoulder, kissing his lips softly before murmuring against them, for only Niall to hear. "Don't worry, it'll be fine, just look at me there, okay? Just me. There's no need to be nervous, baby."

Niall nodded, trying to be calm as Liam's mum pulled him by his arm, not too hard but strict enough so that he went with her, trying to keep eye contact with Liam before reaching the stairs. And when he turned away, trying to concentrate on what Karen was telling him, his nerves kicked in suddenly.

It wasn't too much of a stress to get into his tux, and also not to tell Nicola and Liam's mum ten million times that he was indeed very able to do his hair himself, in the back of his head though, Niall's thoughts were running wild. He couldn't wait to see Liam all dressed up, but then again, he'd have everyone staring at him when he finally would see him. God, and then he had to read his vow, he had already checked a billion times to see whether it really was in his pockets.

Thirty minutes later, Harry came upstairs, with a very big, obnoxious grin on his face as he saw Niall, patting his shoulder. "Well, let's go then, yeah? Louis and Liam already left, I think they picked up Zayn too but I'm not sure. Anyways, wouldn't put you into a very good light if you were last to arrive."

"Right…" Hoping that he didn't sound too much as if he had a tight throat, but Niall was afraid that it was very noticeable as he stood up. "Let's go, I guess, before Nicola starts putting make up on me."

"I heard that, Niall!" She yelled from somewhere in the other room, making Niall blush slightly and Harry laugh as he made a gesture with his hand to make Niall follow him into the hallway.

Before Niall could take as much as two steps, he was being tackled, literally, by a very loud and jumpy five year old. Ruth's daughter, Liam had two nieces and one nephew, they somehow had never gotten the difference between him and Niall though, not that now would be a need to anymore. "Uncle Niall, uncle Niall, pick me uuuup!"

The knot in Niall's chest loosened a bit at the sight, she was wearing a pink dress, a front tooth missing as she grinned up at Niall, stretching her arms out towards him. Yeah, that was one reason why he wanted to have kids with Liam so desperately, Niall loved kids and he was used to having them around and climb all over him whenever he came here. "Well, come here then, sweetie."

He placed her on his hip, glad to have some distraction, they'd still have to leave in a few minutes, but he could stress out about it when it was time. "Can I go in the car with you, Niall? Pleeeeaseee?"

"You gotta ask your mum first, okay?" Someone would probably get mad at him for that later, but he didn't tell the little girl to stop playing with pieces of his hair, looking very critical while doing so. 

"We can ask her downstairs, we're running late, Nialler." Niall nearly dropped Ruth's daughter then because of how abruptly Harry took his arm, pulling him towards the stairs and not leaving him any time to prepare for leaving the house already and heading for the church. He was going to throw up, he could feel it.

All three of them ended up in Louis' car, it was a bit too much for Niall then, having a five year old singing Christmas songs in the backseat and one of his best friends talking his ears off next to him about how he hoped that Niall had his vow memorized because it could get embarrassing otherwise. Very discouraging. At this point, Niall suddenly wasn't even sure anymore if he even had one word memorized, god, he'd make a fool out of himself for sure.

"Okay, Niall, you gotta calm down, yeah? Look, at least you don't have to walk up there with everyone staring at you." True, and the reason for that was that they had switched that part up simply because Liam had looked at Niall, somehow being able to read in his face that he'd get so nervous that he'd fall over fifty times before he would even be halfway there. Adding up to that, Niall didn't know a lot of the people there, he knew Liam's closest family, but really, a lot of them were strangers to him. 

"I am calm, Haz." Not at all, they were in a separate room, alone, just waiting for it to be time and go outside. At least Harry would be there too, he was Niall's best man, like Louis' was Liam's. Both of them had considered asking Zayn too, but he had told them to pick the other two because it seemed to be a bigger deal for them. "I don't even know half of these people anyways."

"You're anything but calm, Niall, you've been walking up and down for ten minutes straight." Which was better than Harry, because he was sitting on the floor, looking a little too relaxed there. "You know what I've been wondering, why did you even make such a big deal out of it? I would've expected you guys to go off and marry secretly somewhere."

"Well, Liam's family would've been pretty disappointed and … well, Liam said he wouldn't mind if we made it smaller but I know he likes this too. And I didn't mind, I just wanna marry him, you know. Just want to have it how Liam will enjoy it the most and all I'm asking for is that I get to be with him." What Niall didn't say was that right now, he would've preferred a secret wedding, even though that would probably pass once he saw Liam's face. God, he wanted to see him so badly, especially now when he was this nervous and couldn't keep still for even one second, constantly touching his hair and clothes, pretty sure that he already looked like a hot mess. 

"That's cute, Nialler, you guys are meant to be, I always said it." Ironically enough, that was more than true, Harry had said it ever since they had been about 13, it probably had only been jokes then, but that didn't do anything to how things had turned out. 

"I know, you don't have to rub it in at every occasion." The laugh felt relieving, though Niall was still walking up and down, he relaxed the tiniest bit because it was true, it had been the first thing Harry had screamed out as they had told him about the engagement.

"But it's true, and you never believed me! At least I never hid my crush on Louis, it took you and Liam forever to own up. And remember that snog at Zayn's party? Yeah, that was pretty embarrassing if you ask me, you were so thirsty for him, someone should've filmed it to show at the party later." What a brilliant idea, Niall rolled his eyes at Harry, who wasn't watching him anyways but his phone. Deep down though, Niall was very glad for this conversation, it was keeping his mind busy with harmless things.

"Your crush on Louis lasted for like two weeks before you started dating him, there was no need to hide it. And _no_ , we shouldn't have filmed it to show later, there are children here." And Niall was suddenly pretty sure he could remember Zayn's party in every detail even if he had been drunk and it had happened about 8 years ago. 

"That's true, reminds me of, you're pretty good with them." Harry raised an eyebrow at Niall as the blonde stopped walking to check where that change in his friend's voice had come from, immediately regretting it when he saw that cheeky grin.

"So?" Yeah, he knew what kinda conversation they were gonna have now. 

"Ever thought of adopting? Imagine if we get our kids to marry each other, we'd become like wedding pros." Niall rolled his eyes before keeping up the walking up and down, counting the tiles on the floor again in an attempt to not think about that they surely didn't have more than a few minutes left. 

"I don't want my daughter to have your bloody last name or Tommo's, forget it." It just slipped out, but it had Harry cracking up and Niall blushing immediately, why couldn't he shut his mouth for once?

"Aw, you want a daughter, Ni?" He did, well, he wanted to have kids in general, but when he had imagined it, he had always pictured Liam with a little girl. 

"Shut it, Harry, I'm about to lose my nerves here." Admitting it didn't seem so difficult anymore, besides, Harry had noticed it ages ago, probably right when they had walked into Liam's parents' house. 

"Stay calm, Louis sent me a pic of Liam, he looks really good and I think he's nervous too, which is rare, so you're doing good if you're not up the walls yet." Then suddenly, he shoved his phone into his pockets, getting to his feet to Niall's displeasure. "Alright, I think it's time. No one's in there yet anyway, it'll be fine, and I'm there too."

"Very calming…" Niall mumbled, flinching when Harry patted his back shortly before going for the door, as motivated as someone could possibly be. Maybe it actually would be calming to have him standing next to Niall, maybe he'd catch him if he passed out, which was very likely considering how every step Niall took felt like running a whole marathon.

 

——————

 

One thing that Niall realized was that, yes, there definitely were a lot of people attending his wedding and no, he probably didn't even know half of them. 

But it was fine for a while, when everyone just started sitting down, talking loudly, and he stood there with Harry, who constantly told him the most inappropriate things to distract him, one time even asking Niall if he was a top or a bottom in their relationship or whether they switched it up. Niall didn't answer, but he bit the inside of his cheek so he wouldn't burst out laughing. That was another problem, even if he felt like he'd vomit on the floor any second, he also felt like he would start cracking up as soon as it got quiet, not that he needed anymore attention on himself.

"Hey, Ni…" Harry had been quiet for a while so Niall wasn't too surprised to hear him whisper in his ear, but it did make him sigh, because hell, what did he want to know now?!

"What now? In case you're gonna ask, no, we're not using any condoms." It was supposed to be a joke plus it just slipped out because Niall was busy scanning the entrance and find out how many more people were to come through before it would be Liam. 

"No, I… wait, that's pretty irresponsible." Niall turned around to face Harry, see if he was joking but he seemed pretty serious as he leaned in. "Considering with how many people you've slept, Niall, I can imagine you've got god knows what."

"Very funny. So what did you actually want to tell me?" Whatever it was, it probably was better than talking about sexually transmitted diseases in a fucking church.

"Right, um…" He looked away from Niall, which was very worrying, then he suddenly shamelessly pointed at someone. "Uh… there's your dad."

"What?!" No way, Niall almost lost it as he stared into the direction of Harry's finger, completely shocked when he saw that his friend was right, his fucking _dad_ was there, almost last row and with his wife but… "Take your fucking arm down, he's gonna see us!"

"Oh, sorry, how rare would it be for someone to notice the groom and the best man at a wedding, my bad." But he did take the arm down after that sarcastic comment when Niall pulled on it, ready to get violent because of how shocked he was, he had never even told his dad that he was dating Liam, hell, he hadn't talked to him in years. "Are you happy that he's here?"

"I don't know, Liam said we should send him an invitation, I never thought about what I would do if he actually showed up. I guess I don't care, I was just surprised." More than that, in fact, Niall was so deep in thoughts, he first of all didn't even notice everyone suddenly shutting up, and thank god he didn't have anything inappropriate left to say to Harry, or otherwise every single person in the church would have heard it. 

"Eyes to the door, Nialler, not the window." Harry's whispered advice brought Niall back into reality, he immediately did what he had been told, heart bumping five times faster when he realized that no one else was talking anymore, plus, if Niall hadn't gone paranoid in the last ten seconds, then pretty sure as hell a lot of people were staring at him right now, including Liam's mum from the first row but she was already bawling her eyes out so it didn't count. 

When the door opened, Niall's heart didn't skip only one beat but about ten billion, it was only Louis though, Niall hadn't seen him yet today but he looked pretty good, smiling big as he came forward quickly, causing Harry to lean towards him more, breathing uncomfortable into Niall's neck until he pushed him back with his elbow. If Harry was gonna drool over his boyfriend he could do it at home and not in front of the altar. 

There was a reason why Liam came in alone, one, Niall wouldn't have seen anyone else by his side anyways, but two, it actually had been the planned that their places should be switched, which would've meant that Niall had no parent to go in with, so since Liam had offered he could do it instead because Niall thought he might die of anxiety, they hadn't changed anything about the original plan either. 

Ironically enough, Niall almost missed the big moment because he was busy trying to ignore how very well aware he was of the signals Louis and Harry were sending each other over two meters distance, but when his eyes finally did settle on Liam, everything else just became a blur.

He looked about the most handsome Niall had ever seen, which was remarkable because he always looked like a greek god already, but in this fucking suit and with his hair like that, he literally took Niall's breath away. And not only that, also his ability to stand properly and to focus on anything else besides his soon to be husband walking down the aisle, eyes locked with Niall's the whole time, a crooked smile playing around his lips. Fuck, he was so handsome, Niall was scared his knees might give in like, afterwards he didn't even have any memory anymore whether there had been music playing or anybody looking at him. Just the picture of Liam was burned into his head, more clearly than daylight. 

It almost happened in trance, that he stretched his arm out towards Liam, hardly feeling it when the older man locked their fingers, he didn't seem nervous at all, he was calm and he was happy, no actually, he was beaming and there was no way Niall couldn't get affected by it. _Look at me, Niall, just me._

Liam had been right, that did help to calm Niall down, looking into those familiar, soft eyes, was more calming than anything else could've been at the moment. Everything was fine.

"You look perfect." It was just a whisper, Niall wouldn't have heard it over the pastor's voice next to them if he hadn't stood so close to Liam, blush creeping into his face as the other man smiled even bigger after that reaction. 

"You too." Niall highly doubted that he just scratched the surface of being perfect, but he was pretty damn sure that no person in the world could've competed with Liam over that title. 

The moment when it was time for their vows, or also the moment Niall had feared the very most because he was first, he carefully let go of Liam's hand, well aware that it had gotten dead quiet now, that everyone was just staring at him as he took that paper out of his pocket, but it was fine now because Liam was here still smiling at him as if he was the greatest person in the whole world.

And then he just decided to go for it, he had practiced this in the mirror a billion times, had had nightmares about messing up, but doing it while looking at Liam made everything almost too easy. Suddenly, he felt pretty dumb for having written a speech at all, he didn't even bother folding it up.

"Li, you know, I threw this paper away about one hundred times and started all over again because I couldn't make up my mind about what I wanted to say. And you know what? Whatever I wrote on here isn't good enough either, nothing I could ever say would show you how much I love you. Standing here with you feels like a dream, the best one I've ever gotten, thinking about all the things we've been through and hell, that's a lot of things, 16 whole years worth of memories, but this one right here is the best of it all. 

"I would've _never_ imagined that I could have so much luck in my life and find someone who supports me and makes me feel loved and safe in every situation possible. But you are that person, Liam, and I will never be able to thank you enough for having you in my life, for being that lucky person who gets to marry you. I still can't believe it now actually, I probably never will get it into my head that you chose me, out of everyone.

"So thank you, for always being by my side and for never giving me up or getting tired of me. I love you more than anything in this world and I promise, I will always be there to have your back and no matter what happens in the future, I'll stick by your side and I'm gonna love you with all I've got, only you, always." Feeling pretty lightheaded afterwards, Niall suddenly noticed the tears in Liam's eyes, it hadn't been too long because they had agreed that whatever it was they felt for each other, they didn't need to share _everything_ , but still, Liam had obviously been touched by it if he teared up. 

There was a moment of silence, then Liam almost let out a breathless laugh, reaching out for Niall's hand again to intertwine their fingers, obviously, he hadn't even bothered writing it all down, he didn't have a paper, he was just looking straight at Niall.

"Baby, when we said we would write our vows ourselves, I was a bit worried, you know, because I literally had no idea either how to put it all into words. But that night I was awake after you had fallen asleep and I was watching you, trying to think of something to write down when you suddenly started sleep talking again like you hadn't done in months. And I didn't listen properly at first but then you know… you said my name in your sleep.

"And I'm sorry if this is too private, it's just, I've been so touched by it and I started thinking about how I would've never survived hearing you say any other name besides mine when you're asleep. I will always do everything to keep you, Niall, you're everything to me, all the good things happening in my life, it's all thanks to you, babe. We've been through all of this and now we're here, and I can't believe it either, you know, that it's me you want.

"I'm so proud of you, you're so strong, brave and so beautiful and genuine. You're the best person I have ever and will ever meet. And I promise, I will always treat you right and I will show you how much I love you every single day, I'll be there, whenever you need me, no matter what might happens, you can count on me, babe, always." That's exactly when Niall bursted out into tears, not like, sobbing loudly like Liam's mum and sister's were a few meters away, just, he couldn't stop anymore either, but he was smiling finally, like Liam had been all along, squeezing his fingers gently.

Everything else went by pretty fast, Niall nearly dropped the ring before being able to put it on Liam's finger because of how much his hands were shaking, but he managed to do it in the end, feeling as if he might just go ahead and kiss Liam before it would be appropriate. No one should be allowed to be this handsome, seriously.

"… I declare you husband and husband. You may kiss now." Well, Niall didn't have to be told twice.

He had literally no idea whether anyone was clapping or getting up or doing whatever, he also wouldn't have cared if everyone had left, because he just threw his arms around Liam's neck, already having their lips pressed together before the pastor had spoken the last word.

Liam wasn't any less eager, they didn't stumble backwards probably because he had been prepared for it, grabbing onto Niall's waist securely, parting his lips, no shame to deepen the kiss immediately. 

It was so good, kissing Liam while knowing that they finally had it official, with the feeling of that new ring around Niall's finger, not kissing his boyfriend anymore but his freaking husband, Niall didn't stop crying all the way through thanks to that thought. 

Because of Niall shutting the world out, it was Liam who took control, pulling back gently after what seemed like forever, kissing Niall again for like one second after he whined quietly, making Liam chuckle against his lips. "We're gonna be alone in a second."

Finally then, Niall became aware to his surroundings again, blushing slightly when the realization sunk in that really everybody had seen this, so he stared at Liam instead, not getting enough of that smile lightening up his whole face, because he was happy, happy that he had married Niall. Knowing that was the best compliment in the world.

"Come on, babe." Liam pulled him away from Harry and Louis being the loudest ones, patting their backs, maybe shouting an inappropriate thing or two while clapping, but they weren't the only ones congratulating of course.

Once they'd get back to the house, Niall knew he'd have to deal with all those people who were just applauding now as they quickly walked down the aisle, he didn't mind too much though, he didn't even have a spare look for his father when they were almost outside. All he thought about was how perfectly his hand fit into Liam's and how badly he wanted to rip that suit off of him. 

"I think we got a bit close to overstepping the line with that kiss." Outside, Liam just pulled Niall along with him, obviously knowing exactly where he was going which was good, because Niall's only attention belong to his husband. 

"Why? It didn't even last that long, or did it?" Actually, Niall had no idea, he heard Liam laugh next to him, so it probably had been a lot worse than he had thought.

"Well, it wasn't exactly the time, even if Harry and Louis have started clearing their throats already, but you weren't exactly quiet." Oh, how come he hadn't even noticed that?

"Oops. Was it that bad?" Now Niall did feel a little ashamed, what if he had like, moaned, pretty sure everyone would've understood with Liam being this fucking gorgeous, but it still would have not been exactly appropriate.

"It's okay, baby, don't worry. Maybe only I heard it. Well, and the pastor, but that's alright, I liked it." Then he winked before kissing Niall's temple, suddenly making them stop. "That's my surprise for you by the way."

"What do you… oh my god." Only now, standing right in front of it, Niall actually took notice of the limousine, his mouth actually dropped open, not that they really needed this to get back to Liam's parents house, but he still wanted to kiss Liam a few million times to thank him. "That's so cool, thank you, Li, it must've cost-"

"No, it didn't, besides, that's not really the surprise anyways." Then he leaned down suddenly, grinning as he whispered into Niall's ear. "I told the driver he should take a bit of a longer way, maybe get us a little bit lost, you know, not that I would mind getting a bit of time alone with someone as handsome as you."

"Liam. I think I'm in love with you." The excitement rushing through Niall was almost unbearable, he was nearly squishing Liam's hand between both of his now, trying not to attack the other man with his lips again but rather holding back for just a second. 

"You better be, Nialler. Come on." Well he didn't have to hurry Niall, the blonde already had his hand on the handle to get inside, if it wouldn't have been for Liam gently pulling his wrist off and holding the door open, like the gentleman he was, Niall would've long been inside. "One second."

Before Liam got inside too, he obviously talked to the driver before coming back, pulling the door shut behind him and falling into the seat next to Niall just when the limousine started moving. "So what are we gonna-"

He didn't let Niall finish, not that he wanted to anyways, he had just been waiting for the right moment to throw himself at Liam, but the other man was faster. Wrapping Niall up in his arms in no time before catching his lips in a hot and needy kiss, not playing around as he licked into Niall's mouth, causing him to groan. Finally, no one could hear or see them, they couldn't exactly get naked in here but it was as good as it was gonna get. 

Niall thought he was gonna die with excitement when Liam sucked on his bottom lip, biting down gently just when Niall started loosening his husband's tie, immediately going over to opening up the buttons of his shirt, a little too desperate maybe, but he couldn't and also didn't want to hold back. 

"You look so good in that fucking suit." Liam moaned in between kissing, helping Niall to pop half of the buttons, his own hands traveling to Niall's afterwards, making quit process with those. "God, baby."

They were a heated mess, with too tight pants as well, Niall had his hands rubbing over Liam's bare chest, knowing that he wouldn't be able to fix his hair anymore before getting outside according to how much Liam pulled on it. "Let me blow you."

He didn't get a reaction immediately, Liam kept kissing him until both of them ran out of breath and their lips felt swollen and Niall was about to cup Liam's crotch, knowing exactly how hard he already was before he the older man let out a groan, nodding shortly. "Okay, quick."

Despite the fact that they had been able to hold back this morning, it just wasn't possible anymore, Niall was so turned on by all of this, he wanted Liam now and at this very second as he kissed down his throat, enjoying the moans and sighs that he could cause with just his mouth.

Due to the fact that they had so much space, it wasn't very hard for Niall to get to the floor, opening Liam's shirt up completely, taking in the sight for a second before kissing down his bare chest, sucking a love bite here and there, just because. When he got to Liam''s nipples, he took extra time swirling his tongue around them, knowing exactly how to get him to squirm underneath him. Not that he hadn't been already. "Niall…"

The hand in his hair was pulling, it felt really good and Niall got the hint, knowing that Liam needed it pretty bad or he'd burst without even being touched. His suit pants were a bit harder to open than the ones he normally wore, but thanks to Niall's non existing patience, he had half ripped them open in no time, pulling his boxer shorts down to expose Liam to the cold air. God, he wanted him inside him so badly. "Fuck, you're dripping already."

"Don't pretend like you're not." Was all Liam moaned, he still had his head leaned back, slightly pushing on Niall's head, not too hard, but clear enough. "Please, babe… I need your mouth."

Not wasting anymore unnecessary time, Niall gave Liam a few good measured jerks with his hand before starting to make out with the head, the sounds he got from that going straight to his groin. If they took too long for this then Niall might have to excuse himself to the bathroom for ten hours once they were there.

"Yeah, Niall… come on, ugh…" Liam's breath was going hard, he thrusted up involuntarily as Niall took his length in his mouth, quickly wrapping an arm around the brunette's stomach to keep him down so he wouldn't choke him. "Sorry, baby… I just… f-fuck…so good, Ni…"

Pulling off, Niall traced the veins on the underside with his tongue, bringing his other hand in too to play with Liam's balls, kneading them gently because he knew how much he liked that. After all those years, they had gotten pretty good at all of this. 

"Babe, please…" Liam was begging now, he was putty in Niall's hands and they both knew it. The younger man still played a bit around though, nibbling at the sensitive skin, giving kitten licks, before making Liam sigh in what sounded almost like relief as he took him back in his mouth, bobbing his head and working the part he couldn't take with his fist. "Yeah, just like that… I'm gonna cum, babe… fuck…"

Not stopping, Niall hoped Liam understood that it was alright if he let go, he felt like a few of his hair were about rip out any second when Liam came into his mouth, still with Niall's name on his lips as Niall worked him through it. Used to it, he swallowed, waiting a few seconds afterwards for Liam to calm down, he was breathing very hard now, hand loosening until it was just brushing through Niall's hair.

"Thank you, babe, come here, come up." Without helping Liam to dress again like he had planned on, Niall went to straddle his lap instead, not wasting any time to cup his cheeks and kissing him deeply, a groan coming from the back of his throat when Liam toyed with the zipper of his pants in between them. God, please.

It was a bit awkward, because of their suits and all and the fact in general that they were in a car, something they had never done before, but Niall didn't care anymore once Liam had his hand wrapped around him, moving it smoothly because of the precum already dripping out. "Ugh… I feel so dirty for doing this…"

That had Liam chuckling slightly, moving his hand faster, taking extra time for the head to make Niall moan, he was so fucking good with his hands. "It kinda is. It's hot though, you're so fucking attractive, Ni, I could cum again just from how you're looking right now."

Probably not, Niall felt like he was dripping with sweat as he rested his forehand on Liam's shoulder, moaning against his neck now instead, even louder when Liam started sucking on his earlobe, then on his neck, all while still jerking him off quickly, letting Niall fuck up into his fist. "Liam…Li, I…I'm gonna…"

"Let go, babe. Cum for me." Liam whispering that hotly against his skin really was enough for Niall to be pushed over the edge, he tried to keep quiet for the driver's sake as he came all over Liam's hand and, luckily bare, chest, not moving for a while afterwards, trying to calm down. Fuck, had they really just done this? "I think we're gonna be there soon."

"Well, good, I look very presentable right now, let's go." Niall joked, slowly pushing himself into a sitting position before getting off of Liam to zip and button himself back up before throwing a look at his boyfriend. "You got a tissue?"

"If not, you're gonna have to lick it all off." That wink almost had Niall hoping that he wouldn't find something to clean himself up with, even though, he mostly just wanted to kiss Liam's chest not exactly swallow his own mess. "Good thing I was prepared for this."

Liam seriously seemed to mean that at as he pulled a whole package of tissues out, starting to clean himself as good as possible while Niall just stared from beside him, trying not to get excited once again about Liam rubbing around on his own chest like that. At least he knew Niall good enough to have zipped his pants up again before. "We're gonna be looking like hot messes."

"You always look hot, Ni, there's no difference." Once Liam was done, he just stuffed the dirty tissue somewhere into the car, about to button himself fully up when Niall grabbed a hold of his hands as only three or four buttons were left. 

"Don't. Leave it like that, and take the tie off too, maybe we can pretend that we just wanted to get a bit more comfortable." Actually, he just wanted to stare at Liam and his slightly exposed chest, but his idea seemed very reasonable to him. 

"Yeah right." Liam winked, but he did as he was told, stuffing the tie into his pocket before suddenly curling his arm around Niall's waist to pull him closer, hands going for his shirt. "Well then, you should do the same. You know, so it won't be too suspicious."

Not complaining, Niall let Liam take his tie off as well, hoping that his breath wasn't going too hard as the other man purposely brushed his neck and collar bone the whole time, just lightly with his fingertips, looking very concentrated while buttoning Niall's shirt up a bit, wasting a little too much time afterwards pretending to smooth out the material. "Let me fix your hair."

For like three seconds, Niall actually pretended to do something about what he had done to Liam's hair, getting a bit closer to be able to look at it better before just slamming their mouths together, past every point of caring. And Liam didn't complain, he grabbed tighter onto Niall's waist, almost pulling him on top of him as he parted his lips with a low sigh. Maybe they'd just have to tell the driver to get them a little more lost.

 

—————

 

"You just walked in a house full of people 45 minutes too late, half undressed and trying to pretend you didn't just shag in a fucking limousine. Is that what it's like to be married? Lou, I think we have to talk about that date we set 5 months away." They were sitting in the garden, Niall leaning against Liam's shoulder, pretty amused by how things had turned out. 

What Harry had just said was absolutely true, they had snogged until like two minutes before arriving, hastily trying to fix their hair and clothes a little before getting outside, half in the middle of laughter before realizing that of course they would attract a hell lot of attention being this loud and just going inside. After all, they were the reason all those people were there. Needless to say, there were a few guests who looked as pissed as if they had just come inside naked, but Niall had no idea who they were and besides, he quickly forgot about all of it when he had to go through shaking hands and doing smalltalk for what felt like forever. 

"We didn't _shag_ , Harry. Maybe you should work on your language first before marrying anybody." Liam joked, kissing the top of Niall's head before wrapping his arm around the younger one's shoulder, squeezing his fingers when Niall grabbed onto his hand. 

"You should be used to a language like this, Li, you're teaching fifteen year olds." True, it made Niall laugh now that Louis had mentioned it, Liam's students had seriously asked him whether they could come to the wedding too and Liam had given them a false date just to avoid anyone showing up. "Speaking of which, how'd you manage to get the first two weeks of school off?"

"I don't know, I just asked, I guess. The headmaster said yes because Niall watched her kids about five times and took them to the movies." Of course, that made Harry wink at Niall immediately, but he pretended not to notice, it wasn't exactly a secret that Niall loved kids, besides, his working times were pretty flexible anyways, it hadn't been a big deal. 

"Alright then, I'm not gonna be surprised if you come back from your honeymoon with twelve adopted kids." Zayn threw in, he had apologized before because he had come too late, in the middle of the ceremony, which once again reminded Niall that he had no memory if it came to anything that wasn't Liam's face. 

"Oh, I don't think we'll have any time to even leave the hotel room, if I'm being completely honest." That sounded about right, the only reason why Niall was sitting here so calmly with his husband and their three best friends was because he knew he'd get Liam alone to himself in a few hours when they'd leave for the airport. For two whole weeks, he hadn't even cared about the location or the hotel or whatever there was to decide, he just wanted Liam for 14 days straight.

"Gross, Nialler. You're gonna have to work on what you say out loud before you're gonna become a dad." Niall just shrugged, half about to stick his tongue out to Harry but then he went for snuggling closer into Liam, holding his hand a bit tighter. "Have you talked to yours already by the way?"

Immediately, the whole mood between them changed, Niall sighed, because hell, had that been necessary to mention, Louis and Zayn pretended not to notice and Liam moved a little, the only one speaking up, surprised. "Wait, what?"

"Yeah, my dad's here." Cutting Harry off before he could even open his mouth, Niall decided to tell Liam himself, not lifting his head though, he didn't want to get too much into it, he had been happy forgetting about it until now. "I only found out because Harry saw him before the whole thing, I totally forgot about it until now, I'm not even sure if he's come here or not. Maybe he already left again."

"No, I saw him too, he's somewhere over there talking to Liam's relatives or someone." And Louis only said that now?!

"Great." Niall sighed deeply before half sitting up, almost making Liam's arm slip from around him. 

"You don't have to talk to him, babe. I mean, you should maybe, but there's no must, you know." Yes there was, not even Liam could change that as he softly kissed Niall's cheek, probably trying to calm him down.

"You coming with me if I go?" Despite everything, that he was a grown up now, that there were so many people around, Niall was still scared about being alone with his dad, it's not something he thought would ever pass. They had never talked about it either, he had no idea what to even say, it's like, they were complete strangers or something. "I'm scared he just came to slap me across the face because he doesn't approve."

No one knew about what had happened when Niall had been a kid, they just knew that they didn't get along very well, which was why everyone immediately tried talking him out of it, that his dad had looked really calm and who the hell would slap their son anyways. Liam was the only one who stayed quiet for a bit, leaning really close then, until his lips were brushing Niall's ear and he was the only one who could hear him whisper. "I'll go with you baby, and I'll knock him out if he just gets one step too close." 

Relief washed through Niall as he heard that, maybe Liam sounded a bit too serious and ready to kill someone but it made him relax to know that he would be safe with Liam by his side. He had once saved him from getting beaten up, he could do it again now, especially after getting so much taller and musclier, looking a lot more like Niall's safety guard. Actually, he was in some way, well that and his personal angel. "I know, thank you, Li."

Turning his head to quickly peck Liam's lips, Niall had already expected the others to make gagging sounds before starting a heated discussion about the kiss they had shared in the church before, of course they would talk about that, as if Niall had actually moaned loudly or something. Not like he cared though, he was just smiling back at Liam, rubbing their noses together before resting his head back on his husband's shoulder, suddenly not minding the banter anymore. 

They just sat like that, chatting, only the five of them, it was almost like old times actually, not that they hardly saw each other, but because of the location being Liam's garden, it reminded Niall a lot of when they had been kids. Or teenagers at least and he suddenly realized that yeah, two weeks far away with only Liam was gonna be the best thing in his life so far, but he'd never wanna leave this place here behind, it had all started here after all. 

After Louis and Harry left to get something to eat and Liam's mum came over to scold them for not talking to any of 'their' guests, making Zayn quickly escape as Liam pointed out that neither he nor Niall knew most of his relatives, Niall finally got to the point where he couldn't procrastinate it anymore.

"It's fine, Karen, we'll go and make some conversation." Not the kinda conversation she wanted, but talking nevertheless. Or hopefully.

"See, Liam? You go learn something from Niall." Then she shook her head before getting up, still mumbling about stuff that probably neither of them were supposed to hear yet they still did. "Why can't I have two sons who know how to behave."

Niall shared a fond smile with Liam before pulling him to his feet, he kinda loved this, that Liam's parents treated him like this, they always had, as if it was completely normal, though he'd never actually call them 'mum' or 'dad', because let's be honest, it's pretty creepy when people do this, he didn't mind the other way around though. "Guess we should go find my dad if he doesn't have the guts to come and talk to me himself."

"I'd be scared to approach you as well, have you looked in a mirror today?" Usually, Niall pretended to be annoyed by Liam's sappy comebacks but today he laughed before intertwining their fingers, holding onto his hand with both of his.

"Well, then it's a good thing you're already married to me, Li." Warmth spread in his stomach at being able to say it out loud, he thought he could see Liam's eyes sparkle at the sound of it before he leaned down to press a kiss to Niall's forehead, smirking.

"A very good thing." He agreed, squeezing Niall's hand comfortably as he looked through the people, probably trying to figure out the best way to avoid everyone, because that's just how they were. 

It took a while, a little bit of smalltalk, a few times Liam had to roll his eyes while Niall secretly laughed at him when someone just wouldn't shut up about 'oh Liam, I still remember when you were this tall', he let all those people promise him to send him the pictures they claimed they had of Liam being a toddler before being pulled away by his husband.

They found Niall's dad then, he was there with his wife, a little away from everyone else, just talking, and to Niall's displeasure, he also had a drink that could either mean he was slightly drunk or also that it wouldn't stay in that glass much longer. "You think I should let go of your hand?"

"Don't you bloody dare, Liam." Niall held on tighter as a proof that he needed this, they hadn't actually gone over yet or been noticed, they were just waiting, for Niall to calm down or something, he wasn't sure. "He just saw us getting married and making out in the church, I don't think he'll be surprised to see us holding hands."

"I know, I just thought… he's your dad after all. And I just married his son. Plus, the only conversation with him I can remember was when I told him I'd call the cops on him, I thought it'd be more appropriate if we weren't holding hands." Yeah, it sounded pretty smart, just like everything Liam said, but Niall didn't care about appropriate or being rude. 

"Well, he also kicked me twelve times in the stomach once, I'm not exactly trying to make an impression here." It was the knot in Niall's stomach that caused him to say that, while sounding so sarcastic, he wanted to pull Liam after him then and get it over with but was stopped when the other man didn't move. "What…"

"I'm sorry, baby, I shouldn't have said that." Confused, Niall checked Liam's face to see him all guilty suddenly, he drew Niall in closer by his hand before resting his free palm against his cheek, kissing him softly. "You're right, Niall, we shouldn't care about how it looks like. Besides, I do want him to know that you're all mine now and that he can piss off if he ever intends to hurt you again. Physically or mentally, I don't care, you only deserve the very best."

"Thank you, Liam, it's fine, I didn't wanna snap at you, I just… I'm nervous, I guess." Niall bit his bottom lip unintentionally, only noticing when Liam softly made him stop with his thumb before taking his second hand into his as well, smiling as he leaned their foreheads together.

"No need to be, babe, it'll be fine, I'm here. Even if it gets embarrassing, I can jump in and do the conversation, you'll see, it'll be easier than you think." He waited a few minutes then, obviously trying to distract Niall with all the kisses he placed in his face, only letting go of one of his hands then. "Ready?"

"I guess I don't have a choice…" At least he was partly distracted by the remaining feeling of Liam's soft lips against his skin as they walked over, slowly, though Niall wanted to run and get it over with, Liam decided on their pace, once again helping Niall with his calmness.

As soon as they got noticed by Niall's dad and his wife, she started smiling, saying something to her husband before approaching them halfway. Niall didn't mind her, she was really nice actually, plus he'd never forget that she had been the one to send him money when he had been in college. "That was a wonderful wedding, I'm really happy for you, Niall. And you too, Liam, take good care of him, alright?"

That's all she said, just simply walking past them, touching Niall's arm for a brief second, not leaving them much more time than to simply thank her. Obviously she knew exactly that it wasn't her they wanted to talk to. 

Niall threw a last look at Liam, getting his much needed comforting smile and even a kiss on his temple before clearing his throat slightly, trying to be brave as he looked right at his dad. "I didn't think you'd come."

There was more distance between them than normal for a conversation, but Niall still scooted closer into Liam, relieved though as he noticed that his dad was neither mad nor drunk, he looked kinda surprised maybe. "Well, you're my only child, Niall, you're not gonna get married twice. Hopefully."

"I won't." It came out a bit too hard maybe, but Niall couldn't help it, he just wanted to make clear that he'd never leave Liam or the other way around. "Well, um… anyways, that's Liam if you… if you still remember him."

For a second, his dad looked at Liam, studying his face then, Niall almost hoping that he wouldn't remember when he suddenly shocked him by smiling slightly, stretching his hand out. "I do think I remember you, anyways, pleasure to meet you properly, Liam."

"Thanks, you too, sir." Liam was so goddman polite, if Niall hadn't been holding his left hand, he would've probably even tried to let go of him just so he could shake his dad's with his right, he was just too good at this, even now, his smile was blinding. "I hope you're enjoying yourself."

"Oh, I do, thank you." He nodded at his glass before laughing, Niall tried to not look like someone had died and Liam joined, though quietly, and a little forced which probably only Niall could tell. "Anyways, I must say I was a little surprised actually. I never knew you liked men, Niall."

Now that was a tad awkward, like, he didn't even sound anything besides curious, but Niall felt himself blush immediately, slightly bumping his elbow into Liam's side to make him stop chuckling. "I… I um… I just always… I always only liked Liam anyways, so…" 

And if he hadn't there was no way he would've told his dad, they both knew that very well, maybe that's why he didn't comment on it anymore, just nodding along while Liam obviously tried not to crack up. "I see. I'm glad for you, Niall, that you have found someone you wanna spend the rest of your life with. However… I think there's something we should… talk about, maybe… alone?"

Immediately, Niall squished Liam's finger so hard he was sure the other man got seriously hurt by it, but all his alarms kicked in at that, there was no fucking way he'd send Liam away. "If you wanna talk, we can do it, but Liam stays here, he can hear everything we're saying, I got no secrets from him."

Besides, Niall would piss his pants if it wasn't for Liam standing there and being his rock, still rubbing circles into the back of Niall's hand with his thumb, silently showing him support. Against Niall's expectations, his dad didn't get mad or loud, he just sighed, but then nodded suddenly, as if he understood. "Alright then. What I wanted to say, Niall, is that I'm sorry. For not being there for you after your mother died, or even before, and I know it's no excuse for my behavior but I loved her very much and living with someone knowing that they're gonna die sooner or later changes a person. I just would like to ask you to think about this, not to forgive me, but consider it maybe. I shouldn't have ever raised my hand against you or told you about how I wanted to give you away when you were little, but it's been years now and I can't make it undone. And I know you loved your mum, Niall, and she'd be very proud of you for managing all this on your own. Especially today."

If there had been something on Niall's mind that he had wanted to say then it had simply vanished now. He couldn't believe it, he was just staring at his dad, probably with an open mouth, watching him look at something over Niall's shoulder before suddenly taking a sip, obviously feeling uneasy because of the silence. Had eh really just _apologized_?! Said that Niall's mum would be proud of him?! Was this really his dad?

"Now that being said, I'll leave you two to it, best of luck. And my wife asked me to tell you that she would be very pleased to have both of you over for dinner sometime. Liam, very nice to meet you, take good care of my son." Then he nodded at Liam before simply walking past them, not brushing Niall in the slightest bit but leaving him more stunned than he had ever been in his whole life. Or at least, very close to it.

"Fuck." Niall breathed after a few minutes of silence, still staring at some flowers Liam's mum had planted, not really taking any notice of Liam's presence, he wasn't even sure if he was still holding onto the other man's hand until he spoke up.

"Babe? Are you okay?" Liam sounded terribly worried, in fact, it woke Niall from his numbness, quickly blinking a few times to look at Liam.

"I… I'm fine, I just… did you hear what he said?" There was a careful nod, obviously Liam wasn't sure how to react, he was squeezing Niall's finger gently, suddenly bringing his free hand up to brush some hair out of his forehead. 

"I did. Was that… good or… not?" A good question, Niall considered it for a while, trying to figure out if he still wanted to avoid his dad for the rest of his life or not. Well, he sure as hell didn't like him, but somehow it had been what he had always wanted, an apology. 

"I guess it is good… he said he was sorry, didn't he? And he… gave me sort of an explanation, I mean, and he said that mum would be proud of me, not that I needed him to say that just … I mean at least now we know it wasn't because he mindlessly hated me personally." Well, deep down Niall had always known the reason, besides, he had gotten over it a long time ago, but he still would've never expected this to happen. Maybe today really was the perfect day in every single aspect.

"Niall, we knew that before as well, no one could ever hate you. And babe, it's great that he apologized, I'm really happy for you and about your mum, she would be more than proud of you but she has always been already, I know she has. And no matter how it would've turned out with your dad, you know that none of this has ever been your fault, right? And I… well what he said, about that he loved your mum and that it was hard for him, you know… well, I'm not saying you should forever avoid him because of what happened, but-"

"Li, I know. You think I'd ever actually take that dinner invitation? I just wanted to get this done, you know. I don't want him in my life, I wouldn't care if I'd never see him again. Actually… I might prefer that." Yeah, now Niall knew what he thought about the whole thing, it was a relief, but it didn't change the past or his feelings towards his only family member remaining. 

Liam seemed to calm down immediately, his hand came to a rest in the back of Niall's neck, pulling him a little closer until they were almost chest to chest. "You know I just… I still wanna punch his guts out for what he did to you." 

"Maybe I should tell you that violence is no solution, but I kinda think that's very romantic." Mostly because there was no need to anymore for Liam to do that, but it still made Niall smile, stretching a little to peck Liam's lips gently, wrapping his arm around his waist. "Thank you, for coming with me. And for being so amazing."

"I love you." Was all Liam answered, it was only then that Niall realized that they hadn't said this ever since they had gotten married, not that it mattered, it just added up to the butterflies he felt in his stomach already. 

"I love you too, Liam." The corner of Liam's mouth twitched at that before he kissed Niall, a little harder this time, keeping him close with the hand in his neck.

"You wanna go and pretend like we can dance?" Just because having him so close, with their breath mixing and Niall's eyes still half closed, he nodded, hardly able to stand not having Liam's lips pressed against his anymore.

It would've been an understatement to say that they didn't know how to dance the slightest bit, but it was alright because every single person around disappeared for Niall once Liam had his hands on his waist, smiling down at him before simply kissing him again, hardly moving or even noticing the music. That was Niall's favorite part of the day, well after hearing Liam's vow, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing him deeply, not noticing or caring about anything happening around them. Just Liam.

 

————

 

Maybe Niall should've expected that it would be pretty emotional for Liam's mum before they left, he didn't even know anymore how many times he promised to wear sunscreen and to watch out for Liam, secretly thinking about why any of these things were necessary when they wouldn't even leave their hotel room. But saying it out loud would've sounded too dirty, besides, they might at some point actually go outside, so better not say anything wrong.

Due to the fact that they had already packed, they basically only had to quickly stop at home and get their stuff before leaving for the airport. Niall did think about how little thought he had wasted while throwing stuff into his suitcase, but when Liam placed his hand on Niall's knee while driving, it seemed to be a very ridiculous thing to spend considering. 

The flight was fine, mostly because everything was fine for Niall when Liam was there, he held his hand and kissed him and whispered stupid things into his ear to constantly make him laugh. That's what Niall loved so much, they were married now, sure, but they still were best friends as well and they just understood each other and got along in any situation that life threw at them. 

Niall slept in during the flight, he couldn't help it when Liam's shoulder was so comfortable and whatever Liam whispered into his hair while having his face buried in it made Niall feel so happy and loved. Now he was very glad again for the time they had had in the limousine, because even though they had been trying to safe themselves for tonight, at least for that day, he was pretty sure he would've exploded if he hadn't gotten to touch Liam by now. 

When they were finally there, it was still only around midnight, due to Niall's nap he wasn't too tired anymore, yet Liam had stayed awake the whole time and he nearly made Niall piss himself because he was laughing so hard when Liam almost dropped him while carrying him through the doorframe into their hotel room. "Ni, if you don't stop laughing, I'm gonna let you fall for real."

"Come on, Li, it's still our wedding day for about five minutes and you knew what you got yourself into when you said yes." Chuckling, Niall tightened his arms around Liam's neck, pressing a kiss to his cheek to apologize. "Sorry, I know you're tired, you didn't have to do this."

"It's fine, I wanted to. Okay, here you go." Carefully, Liam put him down on the bed once inside, smirking over his shoulder as he went to close the door. "Stay right there, Ni."

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna run away." Moving more into the middle of the bed, Niall actually spent some time to look around now, he had never been in a hotel room this big, or with such a view, it was pretty amazing, not that they needed any of this, but Liam had insisted. Saying that he really, really wanted to make it perfect for Niall and causing the younger man to have quite a tight throat, Liam had convinced him. So now that they were here, Niall was pretty happy with it actually, he wanted it to be perfect for Liam as well. 

"You like it, right? It's not too… I don't know, too much or so?" Liam bit his bottom lip after locking the door, also closing the curtains before finally coming to the bed, taking his shoes off before lying on his back next to Niall.

"It's perfect, Li, I'm glad you convinced me. You know, everywhere in the world would be perfect with you." Niall moved so he could lean over Liam, not wanting to rush things, he just kissed his lips lightly, rubbing his flat palm over his husband's chest. They had changed clothes at home, no more complicated suits to open up, but they wanted to do this slow, it was special.

"I could say the same, baby." Drawing patterns on Niall's neck with his fingertips, Liam almost caused him to have a stroke, probably realizing this, he started smiling suddenly, softly, Niall thought he could even see his eyes sparkling. "You know… there's this thing."

"What thing?" More than confused now because of the change of topic, Niall sat up when Liam did, letting his hand drop into his lap where Liam wrapped his around it, playing with the ring on Niall's finger with his free hand.

"Well, I wanted to tell you a few days ago, but I thought it'd be better if I do it now. And before we… you know, do anything because that would be slightly inappropriate." He chuckled, finally looking at Niall again, suddenly kissing his nose before letting out a soft laugh. "I know you're gonna be so excited about this, babe, I can't wait to see your face."

"Tell me then." Niall urged, his heart was bumping fast as he tried to desperately figure out what it could be but he really had no idea, not the slightest.

"Okay, one second, don't scream too loud, okay?" For some reason, he reached into his pocket, not releasing Niall's hand but rather squeezing it, not stopping to smile brightly as he pulled his phone out, torturing Niall as he went through it. He almost leaned over to see what Liam was doing when the other man turned the screen towards him. "Read."

It was an email, Niall was disappointed for a second because this didn't seem so awesome after all, but then he started reading, slipping his fingers through Liam's meanwhile. And when he was done, Niall half ripped the phone out of Liam's hands, making him laugh as he read through it again, and again, tears stinging in his eyes. This couldn't be real.

They had always talked about adopting, it's just, Niall had never really prepared for the moment when their application would actually get admitted. His voice sounded kinda dead as he talked, not being able to draw his eyes away from the screen. "Liam… is this for real."

"It is, babes, sorry I kept it from you, I've only known for two days though and I wanted to wait because we can only go there one week after we get back anyways and I thought it'd be-"

"Oh god shut up, Li, we're gonna be dads!" Niall seriously didn't care how long he had to wait if only he had confirmation, his tears spilled over as he wrapped his arms around Liam's shoulder from the side, burying his face in his shoulder, causing both of them to fall onto their backs. "Fuck, I'm never gonna stop crying again. This is… coming out of nowhere, and… we haven't even fully planned this all out, oh god, Li, you think I'm gonna mess up and be a terrible parent?! But fuck I'm so excited, I wish we could do this now, I mean we're not prepared and we probably should be because what if we leave a terrible impression and-"

"Niall, Niall, sshsh." Liam was still laughing, having both his arms wrapped around Niall, rubbing his back softly, kissing the top of his head. "It's all gonna work out fine, I promise. And you're gonna be a great dad, baby, and we will be prepared and it'll be okay, don't freak out, it's okay." 

Which was easier said than done, Niall still hadn't stopped crying, he was half lying on top of Liam, pressing his face into the crook of his neck, breathing in his familiar scent to maybe calm down a little. On the other hand though, maybe Niall didn't even want to calm down. Hell, this was all he had ever wanted, and he had gotten it all in one single day, getting to marry Liam alone felt like winning the lottery three times in a row, but having this as well was simply too much for Niall.

"Aw, babe, I'm so glad you're happy, I'm excited too, we're so lucky, aren't we? God, I can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with you, and now with our child too, can you believe that?" While Liam talked, Niall only listened with one ear, he was just clinging to his shirt, thinking that his tears might have to be used up at one point but somehow they kept coming, even as Liam convinced him to sit up, trying to dry his wet cheeks. "Come here, Ni."

His eyes were a little watery as well now as he moved to lean back against the pillows, pulling Niall into his lap softly and wrapping him up in his arms. "S-Sorry… didn't w-wanna m-make you c-cry t-too…"

"I don't mind, it's making me pretty emotional too, it was so hard to not just tell you the second I got the mail. Or tell the whole world." Liam laughed breathlessly, pressing his lips to Niall's forehead while rocking him slightly, very well experienced if it came to try and calm Niall down. 

"I know, feels pretty tempting to send out about five hundred messages." Then Niall took a deep breath, rubbing his cheeks dry and deciding to finally get over it, it was still their wedding night after all, he didn't want to spend it crying, even if it was crying from happiness. And yeah he was so excited he could've talked about it all night long, but this was still about him and Liam. "Okay, I'm so happy I could burst and scream for an hour straight, but there's still something we gotta do, Liam, and as inappropriate as it might seem right now, I don't think I'd want to miss out on it."

"And what might that be, hm?" Rubbing his eyes with his fists quickly to get rid of the tears forming, Liam smirked as Niall sat up more straight, holding him as he went to straddle his husband's lap. 

"Oh, you're gonna find out, Li, no worries." Trying to focus his excitement on something else, Niall leaned forward to connect their lips, caressing Liam's face while doing so, tracing his perfect features with his fingertips.

Whenever Niall remembered that night, he could easily say that it had been the best in his whole life, there was no rush at all, they took it slow, being all gentle and caring, just like they always treated each other, but that night, they took extra care of the other. "Babe, actually… let me show you something, okay?"

Slightly surprised by Liam just breaking it off when Niall already had his hands half up his shirt, he did got off his husband as he gently tried to make him move away from his lap, worrying him a little as he climbed out of bed altogether, stretching his hand out toward Niall, smiling. "Li, what's going on?"

"Well, I just remembered something I'm pretty sure you don't know about and it'd be pretty stupid if I didn't show you, especially tonight." More surprises? Niall wasn't sure if his heart could take it, but he still took Liam's hand, almost crashing into him as the other man pulled him to his feet as well, leaning close to whisper in his ear. "Close your eyes, okay? Trust me."

Not questioning or giving it a second thought, Niall did what he had been told, grabbing onto Liam tighter due to the fact that he couldn't see anymore, curiosity growing inside him. Hell, he couldn't wait to get his hands on Liam, the news from before were still prominent in his head, but it was more Liam carefully holding his waist with his free hand, making him walk with him across the room.

"Careful, don't bump into the closet." Niall wasn't scared about falling or bumping into anything at all, he trusted Liam with his life and the older man took good care of him, always warning him, making sure to go slow before suddenly stopping. "Okay, stand there, I'll be right back." 

After an unexpected peck onto Niall's lips, he heard moving and things being done before suddenly being hit by night air, it was warm though, Liam must've opened up the door to their balcony. Well, it was probably a hell lot bigger than just a balcony, but Niall hadn't really checked before because he had been busy admiring the room and his gorgeous husband. 

And then Liam obviously used some light switchers or something, according to the sounds, turning something on that made a bit of a louder sound, giving Niall slight hints on what was going on. Not that he needed them because Liam had taken his hand in his a second later, lips back at Niall's ear. "Okay, open up your eyes."

Blinking a little before adjusting, Niall felt a smirk spreading on his lips, they had a fucking hot tub on their balcony, he hadn't known about that, but Liam obviously had, seeing as he had turned it on, switched every other light off. Alright, this couldn't get anymore romantic than it already was, there was no way anyone would've been able to see them because it was all shielded off and stuff, besides, it was very late at night already. "Can't believe you almost didn't tell me about this, Li."

"Sorry." Liam laughed softly, slowly letting go of Niall's hand to wrap his arms around his waist instead, causing Niall to quickly draw his eyes away from the hut tub, staring at Liam's face just centimeters away from his instead. "You wanna… you know."

Instead of answering, because it was pretty clear, Niall moved his arms up to wrap around Liam's neck, kissing him deeply while trying to hold back and not rip his clothes off right at this second.

The kiss didn't last long before Liam had his hands underneath Niall's shirt, rubbing at his skin softly, moving it up higher until they broke apart for a second, breathing heavily, for both of them to take their shirts off quickly, going right back to it. It felt more intense now, with their bare upper bodies being pressed together, sighing into each other's mouths as they stumbled backwards slowly, refusing to let go of each other.

Niall's lips felt puffy and tingly as they parted, much like Liam's looked like in the poor light, they both had a hard time sucking in their breath as Niall unzipped Liam's jeans, getting too impatient now as to wait. He pulled them down with his boxer shorts, almost having no time to get back up when Liam had already stepped out of them, doing the same to Niall, leaving both of them completely naked. So much for taking this slowly. 

Before even getting inside, Niall wrapped his arms around Liam again, slightly rutting against him, making both of them groan loudly because of the much needed friction. "God, Ni, we're not even gonna get into that bloody thing if you don't stop."

"Sorry." Not really, Niall smirked as Liam let out a breathless laugh, rubbing his hand up and down Niall's side softly, cupping his ass for a second as he kissed him one more time, more gentle this time.

"Ready?" The water was distracting Niall from their actions for a second, it wasn't too hot, it was perfect temperature actually, and he just sat down for a second, looking at the clear sky, all of a sudden getting emotional.

"That's a really pretty sight, isn't it?" He had his head leaned back, feeling Liam next to him, not really thinking about what they were doing here right now until he felt an arm dropping around his shoulder, drawing him in closer, and a wet mouth on his neck, sucking gently.

"I know something that's way prettier…" Liam mumbled hotly against his skin, making Niall sigh, immediately snapping out of his thoughts, being brought back into reality. Which was way better anyway. "You're so gorgeous, babe. So fucking beautiful, and you're all mine, I'll make sure everyone knows it."

With that, Liam sucked harder, probably creating more than just one bruise on Niall's neck as he carried on, all while holding him impossibly close, his free hand rubbing Niall's inner thigh under water, very close to where Niall craved to be touched. "Liam…"

"Shsh, we're taking it all slow tonight, okay? I'll make you feel so good, baby, you're gonna scream my name." Not like he normally didn't, but Liam's voice sounded so sexy and deep that Niall shivered, leaning his head back to give the other man more room, moaning unwillingly. 

They did take it very slow, on one hand Niall felt really teased, on the other hand he freaking loved how Liam only slowly built up tension, ever so often brushing Niall's fully hard on on pure purpose, bringing his hand up then after a while to cup his chin and make him turn his head towards him. Letting go of Niall's neck after probably creating five or more lovebites, he nudged his lips apart instead, licking into his mouth, Niall's eyes falling closed immediately at the long and hard strokes of Liam's tongue.

He was clinging onto Liam the best he could the whole time, cupping his cheek with one hand now as Liam's left his face, instead going for his waist, pulling a little bit, though their thighs were pressed together already. Catching on, Niall's heart started bumping even faster as he moved to straddle Liam's lap, almost causing them to break their kiss when their erections brushed together, both oversensitive from all of this. 

Liam held tightly onto Niall's hips, sucking on his bottom lips gently, giving it a nip before pulling away, his chest moving hard as he stared at Niall, trying to catch his breath. "God, baby…"

Niall, not being able to take this any longer without thrusting against Liam any second, took one of his hands away from the back of Liam's neck, moving it under water instead and taking one of the hands on his hips into his, bringing it up to his mouth. He let his eyes fall shut as he sucked two of Liam's fingers into his mouth, not letting go of his wrist, feeling his husband growing harder against him, a low sigh escaping his mouth. 

When Niall pulled his fingers out after a while, he opened his eyes slowly to see Liam staring at him, glowing with lust as Niall still took control over his hand, moving it down, brushing over his neck, then his chest, over his nipples, down his stomach, all while never breaking sight with Liam. "Touch me, Li, please."

The other hand still on his hip was holding on so tight by now, Niall was sure there would be bruises tomorrow, but he loved it, loved feeling it so intense, letting him know that Liam was there. "You're gonna fucking kill me, babe…"

And then finally Liam wrapped his hand around Niall, very lightly, breaking free of his grip when Niall moaned loudly even though he barely moved his fist. "Please, Li, please, I need you…"

Resting their foreheads together, Niall gripped Liam's hair with both of his hands again, trying hard not to thrust up into his hand. Liam didn't say anything as Niall breathed hard against him, one finger slowly tracing the veins on Niall's dick, rubbing his palm against the head, obviously enjoying how much he made Niall moan without really touching him. "What do you want, Ni? Tell me."

"I want… your fingers, please…" Niall was almost whimpering now, keeping his eyes pressed shut, he felt Liam's lips against his whenever he talked, hardly being able to contain himself when the hand wrapped around him again, moving up and down now, ever so slowly.

Almost thinking that Liam would ignore his request, Niall started trembling in anticipation when the remaining hand on his hip moved, somewhere under him and then suddenly it was circling his hole, almost making Niall choke from arousal, but he tried to hold back, not wanting to cum before anything had happened at all. 

Liam kept teasing him a little bit, kissing Niall again in between, never really stilling the hand around him but not going very fast at all either, suddenly sinking one finger into him, causing Niall to moan into his mouth. It went in easily, maybe because it hadn't been long since last time they had slept with each other, but the water worked pretty well instead of lube too. 

"That good?" His voice was almost only a whisper against Niall's lips as he moved his finger back out again before thrusting it in, still jerking him off meanwhile, sending Niall to cloud nine. "You want another?"

"Y-Yeah, Liam… Liam, do it, get inside me, please…" Niall was scared he'd cum before, but Liam didn't listen to him, moving his finger around instead before pulling it out and placing a second one at the rim.

"Gotta prepare you first, babe." He mumbled, kissing the corner of Niall's mouth before making him cry out for thrusting two fingers inside him, scissoring them slightly, the stretching burn feeling too good for Niall to keep quiet. His moans were coming out frequently now, all he really did was cling to Liam, not knowing anymore whether he wanted to push back against his fingers or thrust up into his hand that had finally gotten a bit of a tighter grip on him, jerking a little faster.

"N-No, Li… it's okay, p-please… ugh….f-fuck aaah…" They weren't kissing anymore, Niall was just sighing against his lips, not opening his eyes when Liam added a third finger, thrusting them in and out now in a steady pace, finally finding what he had been looking for and pressing down onto Niall's prostate. "Liam! Fuck… do that again, please, just like that, keep going, oh god…"

It was so hard to hold back now, Liam massaging that bundle of nerves inside of him every few thrusts, his rough fingers rubbing at Niall's inner walls, slightly pulling at his rim whenever he pulled them out almost all the way, his hand moving at a rather normal pace now, always taking extra attention when he got to the head, making Niall see stars. Plus Liam whispering hotly into his hear as Niall dropped his forehead on the other man's shoulder was too much. "Cum for me, babe, come on, show me how good I'm making you feel, say my name." 

Actually, Niall had been moaning his name all along, but he almost screamed it when he reached his high, spilling into the water while Liam milked his orgasm out of him, not slowing his movements as he worked Niall through it, making it last longer than it usually did. Niall felt like he would fall unconscious any second from how good it felt, he had scratched Liam's back bleeding when he came down, breathing heavily, slowly lifting his head off of his husband's shoulder. "I think I just went to heaven."

That had Liam laughing softly, he pulled his fingers out then, making Niall whine at the loss as he put both of his hands on his hips again, brushing their lips together hotly. "I love you, gorgeous."

"I love you too, Liam… " Kissing for a while, Niall felt Liam's hard on against his thigh, immediately feeling it all straight going to his groin, already making him semi hard again after just one minute. "Liam, please… can we do it properly now, I need you so bad, inside me, please."

Yeah, he was almost begging for it but Niall couldn't wait anymore, he desperately wanted to feel Liam now, all of him, have him as close as possible and move inside of him, making him feel as good as he had made Niall feel. When Liam answered, their lips were still pressed together, so the shivers he sent down Niall's spine were even more prominent. "But not here, on the bed."

Before Niall could ask, Liam had already lifted him off of him, never getting his hands away from Niall, helping him step outside before simply scooping him up in his arms, easily carrying him back inside as if he weighed nothing at all.

Niall was more than happy for the close contact, though it wasn't cold outside, after getting wet it felt kinda chilly but Liam's broad body was warm and he held Niall securely, not leaving any time for talking before kissing him again deeply, not missing a step though.

When he placed Niall on the bed they broke apart for a second, breathing heavily as Niall quickly scooted more into the middle of the bed, lying on as back as he spread his legs, relieved to have Liam lying in between them just a second later. "It's okay, you can do it, I'm fine."

This was the first time that Liam didn't ask a million questions, there was no need to and they both knew how much they needed this as Liam lined himself up. Niall's arms wrapping around his neck tightly to keep their wet bodies close while Liam had his hands on either side of his head as he pushed in, a little faster than he usually would though Niall was more than prepared anyways. Plus, he wouldn't have minded if it had hurt a little, he liked it sometimes. 

When he was buried to the hilt, Niall felt their hearts beating in their chests because of how close their were pressed together, Liam's eyes were kinda dreamy now, he was obviously holding back so Niall started moving his hips a bit, pulling Liam down more. "Move, Liam, please."

Slowly, Liam pulled out just to rock back inside again, his grunts filling the room as he began thrusting steadily into Niall, trying to angle his thrusts to brush Niall's prostate, slamming their lips back together.

It felt more intense somehow than any time before, maybe because of the location, because of the whole situation, or maybe because of how deep and hard Liam was thrusting into Niall, it wouldn't have surprised Niall actually if he had broken the bed or something. Not that either of them would've cared anyways, it felt too mind blowing.

When Liam suddenly pulled away, licking his spit slicked lips, Niall moved a hand to cup his burning cheek, their eyes locking, both if them breathing heavily, wet all over both because of the water but also because of the sweat starting to form. "Niall, fuck… I love you so much, babe… so, so fucking much. You're so good, baby, I can't… ugh… I can't believe you married me, I… just thank you, for being with me, Ni, I p-promise I'll always… treat you the way deserve… shit…"

His words came out hard because of how much he had to suppress his moans, but it still touched Niall, he rubbed his thumb over Liam's cheek softly, pulling his face closer with his other hand, feeling the familiar tingling in his stomach starting. "I know, Liam… I know. I love you too, so much… you're everything to me and I… aaah… I'd trust you with my life."

A second after the last word was out, Liam was kissing him again, desperately this time, moving his hand down between their bodies to get Niall off in time with his thrusts while their tongues were massaging each other, Niall felt tears stinging in his eyes then from how much he loved the other man. 

They came together a few moments later, which was rare, plus Niall was full on crying, silently, clinging to Liam as they tried to calm down, alarming his husband a little as he noticed his tears. "Baby, what's wrong?! Did I hurt you, did I-"

"No, no you didn't, Li… Just… I love you so much and it was so amazing and…" Yeah, Niall got a bit nostalgic, seeing Liam's face go all soft, a smile settling on his lips as he kissed Niall's sweaty forehead, leaning on one arm then so he'd have a hand free to stroke Niall's face, brush through his hair. 

"I know. I don't think we could've made this any better, but it's probably just you, 'cause you're so damn fucking perfect." Then he chuckled slightly, but his sparkling eyes never left Niall's as he pecked his lips after Niall sniffed a little, his heart melting as he watched Liam. He couldn't believe that he had all of this and fuck, Liam looked so gorgeous like this, he was wet and sweaty, red and out of breath but above all that, he was smiling down at Niall, making him giggle for placing all those ticklish kisses on his face and neck, still not having pulled out yet. It was wonderful to stay like this, so intimate that it made Niall tear up yet once again thinking about all of it. And then, as Niall was playing with the soft hair behind Liam's ear, enjoying the older man looking at him with such adoring eyes, Liam suddenly started smirking. "Can you go again?"

 

—————————

 

A few hours later, Liam had fallen asleep, with his arm around Niall's waist, breathing evenly against him, holding him so tightly he probably couldn't have gotten away if he had wanted to. Not that that would ever happen.

Niall was too excited to sleep in but it was alright, there was a big smile plastered on his face as he watched Liam's, sometimes kissing him, but never being able to look away. Just like this morning when he had woken up, he loved watching him sleep, run his fingers through his hair, trying to get it into his head that all of this had really happened.

They had in fact done it all again, and then another time in the shower but that had been the absolute breaking point because Liam had almost fallen asleep before being able to get back into bed then. But it had been wonderful nevertheless, a night Niall would never ever forget in his whole being, one he hadn't even dared to dream about being this perfect. And the best part was, they had two whole weeks to do it all over again as many times as they felt like.

Maybe it had been Niall constantly stroking Liam's cheek and forehead and chin, well every part of his face actually, but when he kissed him on the lips, he hadn't expected an answer to what he had mumbled, barely audible. "I love you so much."

"Love you too, babe…" Niall almost fell out of bed then, it hadn't been his intend to wake Liam, but as the other man's eyes flattered open, a smile spreading across his face as he pulled Niall impossibly closer, he didn't mind too much. 

"Sorry, I didn't wanna…aaah, Liam, no tickling!" But that's exactly what he did, lying on top of Niall, laughing while poking his side and not minding the time or that he had been asleep five seconds ago, that none of them were wearing any clothes or that they had just been all serious a few hours ago when they had shown each other just how much they adored the other.

That was exactly what Niall loved about him and always would, deep down they were still those little boys sometimes, but it was fine because they had three weeks left to be as childish and stupid and ridiculous as they wanted to be. And afterwards, well, whatever might come, Niall knew that he'd always have Liam with him and that was really all he would ever need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for my lack of knowledge about weddings, I hope it wasn't too obvious.


End file.
